So, someone you despise saves your life...

[Totenkindly]

I would thank them and probably try to befriend them. It would make one hell of a story to tell people. "And this is the guy I used to hate. Then he saved my life. Then I poisoned him to death with a little bit of arsenic over a few months, stole his wife, and spent his money. Ain't life weird?"

Fixed!

 

[Jack Flak]

Screw 'em. They probably just did it for the accolades.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

Fixed!

Heh, I'm not sure what you implying but this was a funny fix at least.

 

[Totenkindly]

Screw 'em. They probably just did it for the accolades.

Aw.... If you were about to get hit by a train, Jack, I'd pull you to safety -- even if no one would thank me afterwards. (Honest!)

@Booya: That comment that Night quoted? I thought that was pretty good, thank you for making me think.

Heh, I'm not sure what you implying but this was a funny fix at least.

No implication, just thought it was a funny idea.

 

[lowtech redneck]

I think it depends on *why* I despise them. Examples:

a) They've done horrible things to me: Saving my life would probably do a fair amount of "erasing" this hate.
b) They've done horrible things: Less erasure, but still some.
c) We have clashing personalities: I'd probably try to be kinder in my evaluations of the person. They might not be that into it though. Maybe form a respect (if it wasn't there already). There are ways to personally despise a person while acknowledging that perhaps they might have a valid approach in certain situations.

At any rate, I'd definitely feel obligated to at least thank the person. And re-evaluate (like ajblaise stated).

I basically agree with this, with the caveat that I never actually despise people due to conflicting personalities-I might be irritated by their company, but I wouldn't have any sort of animosity towards them, and I frankly don't understand why conflicting personalities would cause despite by itself. Conflicting personalities might exacerbate pre-existing differences, creating despite in what might otherwise be a respectful but oppositional relationship, or even an occasionally strained friendship, but otherwise its a non-issue.

 

[digesthisickness]

@Booya: That comment that Night quoted? I thought that was pretty good, thank you for making me think.

since i'd hate for you to feel horrible later on for forgetting, i'll go ahead and say that you're welcome for the thread that inspired her to say something that made you think.

*pats herself on the back for stopping a suicide*

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

Hm, personally I can't hate a Person for too long anyways. I am always pretty forgiving and try to work Things out but IF it was a Person who I hated it would really make me think afterwards. I would wonder WHY he or she saved my Life and that maybe I was wrong about him or her.

I would - in any Case - thank him or her and try to return the Favorite somewhen. Either by saving his or her Life one Day or by doing Something else he or she asks for a One-Time-Favor in Return.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

No implication, just thought it was a funny idea.

Ok, I was just asking because I've noticed my response is different from most others in this thread, but I was just basing it on my past experience. I've known a couple of different people where we didn't really get along at first, but later we became good friends. With one guy I didn't really like him until he invited me to play D&D. It wasn't life saving, but it was good enough for me to reconsider about him. We eventually became best buds through college.

 

[Totenkindly]

I've known a couple of different people where we didn't really get along at first, but later we became good friends. With one guy I didn't really like him until he invited me to play D&D. It wasn't life saving, but it was good enough for me to reconsider about him. We eventually became best buds through college.

I see.

Does he have money? And a wife?
(Jest checkin'.)

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I likely wouldn't be inclined to thank them much or see them very differently. I don't think it says a whole lot about someone that they'd pitch in to keep a person from dying in front of them, especially in situations when doing so provides no significant risk.

On top of that, I often dislike people on principle of their general behavior or ideas, not simply how they treat me. So if such a person saved me, they would just be a disgraceful, idiotic, bastard that happened to save me. So a quick thanks might be in order, as being saved is appreciated, but I see no reason why I would reflect on them any better.

 

[miss fortune]

I would probably, in a typically stubborn and irrational manner, hate the person for saving me and trying to make me quit hating them even though they should know that they deserve to be kicked in the teeth and knocked down the stairs!

In all truth though, I really have trouble hating people unless they REALLY have it coming.

 

[nomadic]

how, if at all, do you see them differently? how obligated do you feel to thank them? how would you? and, for how long would you do so?

I'd return the favor one day. No matter what it means having to give up to help them out at the time.

 

[placebo]

I'd be like, thanks man! Still hate you though!

 

[booyalab]

i agree, and it's definitely enough to decide i'd done enough, but the hard part, thus the question, is finding the balance between when i figured i'd done enough, and, as part of being appreciative, they felt i had.

But you have to ask yourself, how many bouquets of flowers=saving someone's life? It's pretty obvious the line is arbitrary, short of saving their life in return. Of course, I'm assuming they didn't save my life so I could become their slave. I think I wouldn't know where the line between genuine gratitude and obligatory thanks was exactly until I was in the situation.

i.e. how much of my own boundaries would i sacrifice in favor of their version of it in order to live guilt-free. or, at least, as guilt-free as possible.

I wouldn't feel guilty for not feeling "enough" appreciation. Only for hiding what appreciation I felt.

also, as i stated elsewhere: i'm finding it interesting, power-wise, how when it comes to disliked people, even when it's a matter of life and death, some people can't willfully change how they feel about someone.

Because even if one time they do something awesomely nice for me, it's not like the next day they're going to stop smelling like rancid cabbage/killing babies for fun/being a shallow cunt. (the first one isn't on the same moral plane as the subsequent ones, but they're all reasons for wishing someone was as far away from planet earth as possible)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

If someone saved my life with the intention of "owning" me afterwards, I would consider the fact that we never made that agreement beforehand and so not honor it. If they did it as an act of humanitarianism, then my behavior afterwards would not be relevant.

I would appreciate it, but I doubt I would feel indebted.

 

[Rajah]

I doubt we'd become the best of friends, but the way a person acts in times like that is telling. We can have very different personalities, but I'd be able to recognize the person's good qualities.

 

[kelric]

If someone saved my life with the intention of "owning" me afterwards, I would consider the fact that we never made that agreement beforehand and so not honor it. If they did it as an act of humanitarianism, then my behavior afterwards would not be relevant.

I would appreciate it, but I doubt I would feel indebted.

I doubt we'd become the best of friends, but the way a person acts in times like that is telling. We can have very different personalities, but I'd be able to recognize the person's good qualities.

Sort of both of these... I would appreciate it very much, and sincerely thank them, but I doubt I would feel obligated to make any great sacrifices in order to "repay" them (and the more this person might hint around that "repayment" was necessary, the less I'd be likely to comply). I don't generally despise people, but I'm assuming that any reason I'd have for really disliking someone wouldn't be reversed by such an action. They would, however, earn my respect and gratitude, and quite likely the benefit of the doubt (for a time, anyway). But it wouldn't fundamentally change my opinion of them or drive me to want to be around them.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

When it comes to spontaneous acts of assistance, if the reward for the giver is not in the act itself, if the assumed reward is in repayment from the individual, then to assist those in need is preying on the vulnerable for personal gain.

If someone had elicited the reaction of hatred or being despised in the first place, an act of saving my life would be cause to reevaluate my original position to see if my evaluation was fair and reasoned.

A focal issue here is one of appreciation vs. indebtedness. The first response would increase a sense of connection while the other is divisive by nature. Even if the person dutifully acts on the assumed indebtedness, it is reasonable for the sense of hatred to grow because it is a deep violation to be owned by another person. Taken to an extreme, owning a person is an act of taking a person's life.

 

[Valiant]

I've saved someones life, at risk of losing my own. It didn't even get me a "thank you", just some angry drunk words. The person in question was dressed in dark colors, really drunk and stumbling out onto a city street, I ran out and tackled him away from a car that hadn't seen him yet. Don't know who it was or anything. After that I don't ever drink until I lose control entirely. For all I know he could be some drunk who beats his wife and kids all day long, but I sure don't hope I let such a person live.

If someone saved my ass and I had the chance to, I would seriously try to come up with a way of repaying the debt. After all, i'd theoretically owe that person the rest of my existence. Then it matters little if I happen to despise that person.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I've saved someones life, at risk of losing my own. It didn't even get me a "thank you", just some angry drunk words. The person in question was dressed in dark colors, really drunk and stumbling out onto a city street, I ran out and tackled him away from a car that hadn't seen him yet. Don't know who it was or anything. After that I don't ever drink until I lose control entirely. For all I know he could be some drunk who beats his wife and kids all day long, but I sure don't hope I let such a person live.

Given a chance, would you save that life again knowing what you know now that you would not be thanked?

If someone saved my ass and I had the chance to, I would seriously try to come up with a way of repaying the debt. After all, i'd theoretically owe that person the rest of my existence. Then it matters little if I happen to despise that person.

Would you change that response if the person who saved your life specifically asked you to not feel indebted?

On a related note, there are a significant number of people employed to save people's lives. They might make say $100 an hour, maybe more or less. Firefighters probably make a lot less, and nurses. Is that a fair exchange? Let's say it takes fifteen minutes to resuscitate a person. Is $25 enough repayment, or should the person be indebted to the ER doc for the rest of their life?