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  1. #31
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I would probably, in a typically stubborn and irrational manner, hate the person for saving me and trying to make me quit hating them even though they should know that they deserve to be kicked in the teeth and knocked down the stairs!

    In all truth though, I really have trouble hating people unless they REALLY have it coming.
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #32
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    how, if at all, do you see them differently? how obligated do you feel to thank them? how would you? and, for how long would you do so?
    I'd return the favor one day. No matter what it means having to give up to help them out at the time.

  3. #33
    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    I'd be like, thanks man! Still hate you though!

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    i agree, and it's definitely enough to decide i'd done enough, but the hard part, thus the question, is finding the balance between when i figured i'd done enough, and, as part of being appreciative, they felt i had.
    But you have to ask yourself, how many bouquets of flowers=saving someone's life? It's pretty obvious the line is arbitrary, short of saving their life in return. Of course, I'm assuming they didn't save my life so I could become their slave. I think I wouldn't know where the line between genuine gratitude and obligatory thanks was exactly until I was in the situation.

    i.e. how much of my own boundaries would i sacrifice in favor of their version of it in order to live guilt-free. or, at least, as guilt-free as possible.
    I wouldn't feel guilty for not feeling "enough" appreciation. Only for hiding what appreciation I felt.

    also, as i stated elsewhere: i'm finding it interesting, power-wise, how when it comes to disliked people, even when it's a matter of life and death, some people can't willfully change how they feel about someone.
    Because even if one time they do something awesomely nice for me, it's not like the next day they're going to stop smelling like rancid cabbage/killing babies for fun/being a shallow cunt. (the first one isn't on the same moral plane as the subsequent ones, but they're all reasons for wishing someone was as far away from planet earth as possible)
    I don't wanna!

  5. #35
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    If someone saved my life with the intention of "owning" me afterwards, I would consider the fact that we never made that agreement beforehand and so not honor it. If they did it as an act of humanitarianism, then my behavior afterwards would not be relevant.

    I would appreciate it, but I doubt I would feel indebted.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #36
    Reigning Bologna Princess Rajah's Avatar
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    I doubt we'd become the best of friends, but the way a person acts in times like that is telling. We can have very different personalities, but I'd be able to recognize the person's good qualities.


    I... suppose. Yeah!

  7. #37
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    If someone saved my life with the intention of "owning" me afterwards, I would consider the fact that we never made that agreement beforehand and so not honor it. If they did it as an act of humanitarianism, then my behavior afterwards would not be relevant.

    I would appreciate it, but I doubt I would feel indebted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rajah View Post
    I doubt we'd become the best of friends, but the way a person acts in times like that is telling. We can have very different personalities, but I'd be able to recognize the person's good qualities.
    Sort of both of these... I would appreciate it very much, and sincerely thank them, but I doubt I would feel obligated to make any great sacrifices in order to "repay" them (and the more this person might hint around that "repayment" was necessary, the less I'd be likely to comply). I don't generally despise people, but I'm assuming that any reason I'd have for really disliking someone wouldn't be reversed by such an action. They would, however, earn my respect and gratitude, and quite likely the benefit of the doubt (for a time, anyway). But it wouldn't fundamentally change my opinion of them or drive me to want to be around them.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #38
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    When it comes to spontaneous acts of assistance, if the reward for the giver is not in the act itself, if the assumed reward is in repayment from the individual, then to assist those in need is preying on the vulnerable for personal gain.

    If someone had elicited the reaction of hatred or being despised in the first place, an act of saving my life would be cause to reevaluate my original position to see if my evaluation was fair and reasoned.

    A focal issue here is one of appreciation vs. indebtedness. The first response would increase a sense of connection while the other is divisive by nature. Even if the person dutifully acts on the assumed indebtedness, it is reasonable for the sense of hatred to grow because it is a deep violation to be owned by another person. Taken to an extreme, owning a person is an act of taking a person's life.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #39
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    I've saved someones life, at risk of losing my own. It didn't even get me a "thank you", just some angry drunk words. The person in question was dressed in dark colors, really drunk and stumbling out onto a city street, I ran out and tackled him away from a car that hadn't seen him yet. Don't know who it was or anything. After that I don't ever drink until I lose control entirely. For all I know he could be some drunk who beats his wife and kids all day long, but I sure don't hope I let such a person live.

    If someone saved my ass and I had the chance to, I would seriously try to come up with a way of repaying the debt. After all, i'd theoretically owe that person the rest of my existence. Then it matters little if I happen to despise that person.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  10. #40
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    I've saved someones life, at risk of losing my own. It didn't even get me a "thank you", just some angry drunk words. The person in question was dressed in dark colors, really drunk and stumbling out onto a city street, I ran out and tackled him away from a car that hadn't seen him yet. Don't know who it was or anything. After that I don't ever drink until I lose control entirely. For all I know he could be some drunk who beats his wife and kids all day long, but I sure don't hope I let such a person live.
    Given a chance, would you save that life again knowing what you know now that you would not be thanked?

    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    If someone saved my ass and I had the chance to, I would seriously try to come up with a way of repaying the debt. After all, i'd theoretically owe that person the rest of my existence. Then it matters little if I happen to despise that person.
    Would you change that response if the person who saved your life specifically asked you to not feel indebted?

    On a related note, there are a significant number of people employed to save people's lives. They might make say $100 an hour, maybe more or less. Firefighters probably make a lot less, and nurses. Is that a fair exchange? Let's say it takes fifteen minutes to resuscitate a person. Is $25 enough repayment, or should the person be indebted to the ER doc for the rest of their life?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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