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  1. #11
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Oh great -- so what did "you know who" do THIS time?


    no, sadly, this is just one example of where my mind goes when commercials come on.

    ...

    and why i need lots of reading material in the bathroom.
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  2. #12
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    I would thank them. But I wouldn't necessarily stop despising them. If I love people with bad qualities, why can't I hate someone with good qualities?
    I don't wanna!

  3. #13
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    just to be fair by answering my own question, here are other things i've stated on this subject elsewhere:

    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    yes, it's the boundary between what you (plural) felt, and what they think you should feel, that i was pondering. the point at which you'd feel you'd done enough without feeling guilty for stopping.
    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    i also suspect that if they were the type who continued to act, or heavily hint, that i didn't do enough, while making me lurch by insisting verbally that they don't want to be thanked, that i'd eventually wish they hadn't saved me and tell them so.
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  4. #14
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by booyalab View Post
    I would thank them. But I wouldn't necessarily stop despising them. If I love people with bad qualities, why can't I hate someone with good qualities?
    that's a good way of looking at it, but at what point would you decide you'd done enough to the degree that it negates whether or not they think you have?

    remember, this person saved your life, and without that, you wouldn't be in the position to even ponder how much to thank them.
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  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I don't think there's a stock answer.

    I mean, when I look at this, it's clear we're all different. Even with the people I really don't like much (even "hate"), if they have good qualities, I still would flex if they came around and make it work. I can't hold a grudge in the face of change on their part. I wish I could, but I can't; oh well, I just need to accept that. I know some other people are not this way at all; but I know I'm always seeking a connection point and want to make things work somehow.

    Here, the person might still be someone who does something good but a friendship still can't really work because of who they are versus who I am.

    I'd probably just thank them, feel things out to what degree that "thanking" would entail, and if I sensed they were getting demanding or expecting certain things from me, I'd have to lay it out for them.

    In the past, I wouldn't have been able to do that well; nowadays I could. I don't screw around with boundaries anymore, I've got them and I'm keeping them. There's no one's "good graces" I need anymore except my own, not enough to compromise myself for.

    So they saved my life. I'll always be grateful. But I won't prostitute myself emotionally.
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  6. #16
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    I think it depends on *why* I despise them. Examples:

    a) They've done horrible things to me: Saving my life would probably do a fair amount of "erasing" this hate.
    b) They've done horrible things: Less erasure, but still some.
    c) We have clashing personalities: I'd probably try to be kinder in my evaluations of the person. They might not be that into it though. Maybe form a respect (if it wasn't there already). There are ways to personally despise a person while acknowledging that perhaps they might have a valid approach in certain situations.

    At any rate, I'd definitely feel obligated to at least thank the person. And re-evaluate (like ajblaise stated).

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    how, if at all, do you see them differently? how obligated do you feel to thank them? how would you? and, for how long would you do so?
    1. I see them as someone who I despise and yet to who I owe something of immeasurable value.

    2. I would thank them with eternal gratefulness and the opportunity to cash in a huge favor. Then I would move on with my life with the credit marked in my mind.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #18
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by booyalab View Post
    I would thank them. But I wouldn't necessarily stop despising them. If I love people with bad qualities, why can't I hate someone with good qualities?
    This is a really good point, booya.

  9. #19
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Night View Post
    This is a really good point, booya.
    i agree, and it's definitely enough to decide i'd done enough, but the hard part, thus the question, is finding the balance between when i figured i'd done enough, and, as part of being appreciative, they felt i had.

    i.e. how much of my own boundaries would i sacrifice in favor of their version of it in order to live guilt-free. or, at least, as guilt-free as possible.

    also, as i stated elsewhere: i'm finding it interesting, power-wise, how when it comes to disliked people, even when it's a matter of life and death, some people can't willfully change how they feel about someone.
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  10. #20
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    I pretty much like everyone, but assuming it wasn't a person I cared for....

    I would thank them and probably try to befriend them. It would make one hell of a story to tell people. "And this is the guy I used to hate. Then he saved my life. Ain't life weird?"
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