Inability to release...

[Uberfuhrer]

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Yup, been there, done that.

For me, I remember crying a lot as a child, then reached a place where I consciously chose to bottle, and then the tears came few and far between for the next 20-25 years (usually triggered only by artistic experiences) until recently.

I guess my questions are:

1. Was there ever a time when you DID cry easily/normally? Or is this your baseline, even if you don't like it?

2. Are you in a social environment where tears are naturally suppressed out of survival?

3. Do you generally feel numb emotionally? (Depression makes some people weep more; others, it numbs, and they can't feel anything and so they feel "dead" and can't cry even when they're miserable.)

In general I have also found that women are more tuned into their bodies (men tend to ignore any sensations they get from theirs, either they're not as physically sensitive due to the thicker skin from testosterone) and are more emotionally aware, the emotions are closer to the surface. Socialization obviously also impacts ability to cry, if you're forced to suppress it for too long.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Well, when I was depressed, I hurt inside bad enough to feel suicidal a lot of the time... but at the same time I felt numb in terms of feeling. That sounds paradoxical but I don't think it is; I just can't articulate how they go hand in hand. But my external emotional responses were very dead.

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

I used to do the same thing, to try to trigger my tears. Unfortunately, each stimuli only worked a few times because I got too used to it and it could no longer do the job.

Some things to try:
1. Solitary meditation (where you let down all the walls and just "float" and then sift through your memories/feelings and see what pops up).
2. Go into nature alone and just let yourself go (use your Se), and maybe once you get locked into the experience and stop thinking, all the fabricated blocks/thoughts/judgments in your head will disappear momentarily and emotions might well up.
3. Make changes in your life where you finally feel you have power to make and accept responsibility for your choices. We often feel dead if we are letting everyone else "live our life" for us, and thus we're not emotionally invested.
4. Help others -- invest in learning, empathizing with, and embracing their narratives. Feel their pain as you give, and maybe that will trigger something in you.

just ideas off the top of my head

[Uberfuhrer]

Well, I'm aware that these feelings exist, I just can't release them.

And actually, solitary meditation has been what I was trying to do, but it didn't work. I consistently face the sad feelings so that I could perhaps release emotionally. It never works.

I've gone for walks before and that's never helped. I always come back feeling numb and depressed again -- the only thing is, I'm aware the feelings inside of me exist and for the most part, I am unable to ignore them. It's like my feelings want to grow but the external situation tries to prevent that.

[ajblaise]

Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer

Well, I'm aware that these feelings exist, I just can't release them.

And actually, solitary meditation has been what I was trying to do, but it didn't work. I consistently face the sad feelings so that I could perhaps release emotionally. It never works.

I've gone for walks before and that's never helped. I always come back feeling numb and depressed again -- the only thing is, I'm aware the feelings inside of me exist and for the most part, I am unable to ignore them. It's like my feelings want to grow but the external situation tries to prevent that.

What are you thinking and/or feeling in regards to when you are unable to release the feelings? What exactly is stopping you?

[Bella]

Look here, I know next to nothing about releasing emotion, but shouting and screaming until your hoarse, came to mind. Maybe if you act like they're coming out, they might start coming out.

[Uberfuhrer]

Originally Posted by Bella

Look here, I know next to nothing about releasing emotion, but shouting and screaming until your hoarse, came to mind. Maybe if you act like they're coming out, they might start coming out.

I do that, but that just unleashes hot anger. It doesn't release the built-up sadness inside.

[Bella]

Shoot, I don't know....sorry.

[substitute]

Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer

Does anyone ever get the feeling where you want to release yourself emotionally but you can't?

Like, for me, I often have a desire to cry but I just, I dunno, feel like it's all bottled up and I can't let it flow out, even through the use of moving movies, stories, or dwelling on melancholy thoughts. For some reason, everything feels locked up inside and it's literally impossible for me to let anything out.

There are times where I just feel that I have to jettison my cargo within me but I can't. I don't think that my emotions are repressed because then I wouldn't be aware that they exist or even aware that they need to be released. Or maybe I'm confusing the definition of repressed.

Lately, the desire for intense emotional release (crying) races through my body and skull and they just won't release in the open.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What do you do about it? Because I can't find any way to release it. Like I said, I watch moving films, read moving stories, or maybe listen to powerful music, but nothing ever seems to release the feelings I have bottled up inside.

Yes, yes and yes. Especially since my dad died, I still haven't cried though it was over a year ago. I've never been able to release things. It's hard enough to even realize that I have anything to release, and even through meditation and what-not I've still not been able to bring myself to just cry. I know I need to sometimes, but the moment I even start, I just feel stupid, it feels fake and self-indulgent and I just can't let it out.

I guess because I can't do it spontaneously, it has to be done deliberately. And if I do it deliberately then it just feels too contrived and fake. And because authenticity is so important to me, that means it just doesn't happen.

I also find that just shouting and screaming doesn't help me. Like you say, it doesn't get rid of the seething stuff deep down, not at all and if anything only adds to it.

[entropie]

I listen to silly music, when that happens.

Be glad you still "feel" something, there are people that would envy you for that ...

+ "Kuffdam and Plant" via YouTube

[ajblaise]

Uber, I think a good dose of MDMA might do you well. MDMA therapy has had very good results. MDMA has also been called "Empathy".