Bullying

[Anja]

Let's hope the bullies are the first to find themselves inundated!

[booya moon]

Originally Posted by Anja

Anja, who loves ALL garbagepersons and recognizes them as God's little helpers, picks up newspaper and swats booya moon.

Takes cover behind the pile of garbage. Anja misses because she slips on the discarded banana peel left on the ground.

[Anja]

*Everyone laughs uproariously.*

Freud says they do so because they are all secretly afraid of slipping on a banana peel. To heck with old Frood; it's just dam funny.

[Spectre of the spam]

I've only been bullied once in my life, in first grade by a kid whom EVERYONE hated, so bullying is kind of a stranger to me. The funny thing is I am an extreme loner. You could count my friends on one hand. I have quite a few friendly acquaintances, but they aren't really friends. So i've always found it strange that i've never been bothered at school considering i'm a loner who's not really all that cool. Maybe it's just my body language/attitude, or maybe i've just gotten lucky.

[substitute]

Originally Posted by Spectre of the spam

So i've always found it strange that i've never been bothered at school considering i'm a loner who's not really all that cool. Maybe it's just my body language/attitude, or maybe i've just gotten lucky.

actually, my ISTJ friend says something very similar. I'm not sure, maybe it's that sorta certitude that you guys exude that says "you may think I'm a geek, but I KNOW I'm just how I want to be and you can't undermine that".

Perhaps P's have a particular vulnerability to this, lacking that sense of certainty and being somehow easier to cause to waver and doubt themselves...?

I mean, my ISTJ wears this stupid green hat whenever it rains, it used to have a bobble but he took it off, but the bit of yarn where it used to be sticks up and well, he just looks really stupid in it, like a bum or something. But he searched long and hard for that particular hat and it's EXACTLY what he required, and he's used to wearing it and likes it and so no amount of ribbing will cause him to even consider not wearing it or getting a different hat, and he seems genuinely unaffected by any comments he gets about it.

But in my case, specially when I was a kid, if someone even MENTIONED a shirt I was wearing, just drew attention to it in any way, I'd never wear it again, just in case there were messages coded in there saying they didn't like it or it was dumb. My confidence in my own judgement was so easily undermined like that. i've got better now but all the same I still sometimes envy my friend that sorta impenetrability he has...

Just an idea that came to me just now, not my actual opinion or anything

[ptgatsby]

Originally Posted by substitute

Perhaps P's have a particular vulnerability to this,

Yes, Ps are more likely to be victims (notably so.)

[Spectre of the spam]

Originally Posted by substitute

I mean, my ISTJ wears this stupid green hat whenever it rains, it used to have a bobble but he took it off, but the bit of yarn where it used to be sticks up and well, he just looks really stupid in it, like a bum or something. But he searched long and hard for that particular hat and it's EXACTLY what he required, and he's used to wearing it and likes it and so no amount of ribbing will cause him to even consider not wearing it or getting a different hat, and he seems genuinely unaffected by any comments he gets about it.

Funnily enough I actually do care what other people think about how I dress because I don't want to look stupid. I don't take it too far, I just wear some jeans and a T-shirt, no designer clothes. But it really depends on who tells me. If it's someone I care about or care about my opinions and they really don't like it, I change. If it's someone I don't care about, I grit my teeth and wear it to spite them.

On a different subject, I do actually join "groups" when i'm in a function. Most likely whoever i'm sitting with. That "group" never seems to translate outside of the function for me though.

[substitute]

Originally Posted by Spectre of the spam

Funnily enough I actually do care what other people think about how I dress because I don't want to look stupid. I don't take it too far, I just wear some jeans and a T-shirt, no designer clothes. But it really depends on who tells me. If it's someone I care about or care about my opinions and they really don't like it, I change. If it's someone I don't care about, I grit my teeth and wear it to spite them.

On a different subject, I do actually join "groups" when i'm in a function. Most likely whoever i'm sitting with. That "group" never seems to translate outside of the function for me though.

Yeah I didn't mean to suggest that ISTJ's have no dress sense!! I just meant to highlight the part where, as you say, well, the part I've bolded above. That's the strength (though also a potential weakness) in my friend's approach - he's said himself that he tends to see humanity generally as being in three categories: people he respects, people he doesn't respect and people he doesn't know. He only cares what people think of him if they're in the first category, and it's a very small circle indeed!

In my case, with so much of my perception relying on external cues, I'm very vulnerable to the perceptions of others and I tend to, rather than Dave (my friend), who begins from the point of "I'll treat you with interim-quasi-respect until you prove yourself worthy of my actual respect", I tend to start from a point of "I automatically respect you until you give me a reason not to".

He also has the same problem as you in that he can go to a function or event and be part of things, but it never seems to go outside of that. Whilst I tend to be very quick to 'connect' all the different aspects of my life together as much as I can. Which itself has its blessings and curses...

[Spectre of the spam]

Originally Posted by substitute

Yeah I didn't mean to suggest that ISTJ's have no dress sense!! I just meant to highlight the part where, as you say, well, the part I've bolded above. That's the strength (though also a potential weakness) in my friend's approach - he's said himself that he tends to see humanity generally as being in three categories: people he respects, people he doesn't respect and people he doesn't know. He only cares what people think of him if they're in the first category, and it's a very small circle indeed!

In my case, with so much of my perception relying on external cues, I'm very vulnerable to the perceptions of others and I tend to, rather than Dave (my friend), who begins from the point of "I'll treat you with interim-quasi-respect until you prove yourself worthy of my actual respect", I tend to start from a point of "I automatically respect you until you give me a reason not to".

He also has the same problem as you in that he can go to a function or event and be part of things, but it never seems to go outside of that. Whilst I tend to be very quick to 'connect' all the different aspects of my life together as much as I can. Which itself has its blessings and curses...

To continue the ISTJ part of our conversation, I tend to judge a bit more quickly than I should based on certain things. I generally turn out to be right, but during the times i'm not I feel bad. I don't know if this happens to your friend or it's just me, but I can be deeply hurt or very happy and not change my expression in the slightest. Someone could have hurt me intentionally or not, but I wouldn't show it.

But back on tangent. I wonder if those who are most harmed by bullying are Extroverts? Introverts can be hurt, but the victim wouldn't show it as much and therefore wouldn't be "fun" for the bully to torment.

[Bella]

Originally Posted by substitute

actually, my ISTJ friend says something very similar. I'm not sure, maybe it's that sorta certitude that you guys exude that says "you may think I'm a geek, but I KNOW I'm just how I want to be and you can't undermine that".

Perhaps P's have a particular vulnerability to this, lacking that sense of certainty and being somehow easier to cause to waver and doubt themselves...?

I mean, my ISTJ wears this stupid green hat whenever it rains, it used to have a bobble but he took it off, but the bit of yarn where it used to be sticks up and well, he just looks really stupid in it, like a bum or something. But he searched long and hard for that particular hat and it's EXACTLY what he required, and he's used to wearing it and likes it and so no amount of ribbing will cause him to even consider not wearing it or getting a different hat, and he seems genuinely unaffected by any comments he gets about it.

But in my case, specially when I was a kid, if someone even MENTIONED a shirt I was wearing, just drew attention to it in any way, I'd never wear it again, just in case there were messages coded in there saying they didn't like it or it was dumb. My confidence in my own judgement was so easily undermined like that. i've got better now but all the same I still sometimes envy my friend that sorta impenetrability he has...

Just an idea that came to me just now, not my actual opinion or anything

Yes, I think there is a certain respect for anyone that can stand apart from the crowd AND enjoy the isolation at the same time.

Oh man, fashion? I always skip the fashion pages of a magazine, I just really don't get that whole scene.