fear of being center of attention

[prplchknz]

I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.

[scantilyclad]

i got used to being the center of attention after being cast in so many lead parts in school plays, so this no longer bothers me. i do get a bit nervous, but i'm more afraid of doing something like this if i have to stand up in a room full of people and tell them my name or something.

[nottaprettygal]

Since public speaking is the most common fear, there are millions of people who hate being the center of attention. However, I've had the same fear of being asked to be in a wedding. Luckily, a) I don't have a lot of friends and b) None of them will EVER get married (as long as I can help it).

[prplchknz]

hmm I tend to puke when I'm nervous maybe I can do that and say have the flu or something.

[Jack Flak]

When it comes to attention it's like the Joker's analogy "I'm like a dog chasing cars...I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by prplchknz

I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.

I guess you can take two routes with this. First, you can avoid it. It's easier to avoid difficult things in the beginning, but it carries certain costs, like losing out on meeting people, and having to worry about these issues (social anxiety) wherever you are. Second, you can decide to work on it. You're not the first person to experience social anxiety and you won't be the first to overcome it. There are people here (like Ivy, and I hope I can say that without incurring her wrath, because she's mentioned it before) who have overcome it, and there are people here (like me) who are working on it.

Telling myself to relax doesn't really work for me. It comes from a critical place that says it's not okay to be nervous. That voice itself is ALSO nervousness, that if I don't relax and don't whip into shape, I'll lose out on something or embarrass myself. So, it's not a good solution.

A better solution, I think, is to accept the difficulty and to try and find a way to be okay without immediately relaxing or changing the anxiety. You can think of it as "making room" for the feelings + mind flurries, or listening to it, or comforting it, or embracing it. It's all the same thing. The point is, you act as a friend to yourself instead of a critical watchman and allow the feeling to exist with you. You'll know what to do after that. Giving a speech at a wedding is a pretty high-anxiety provoking event. Maybe you can start off smaller by putting yourself in low-anxiety situations and being with it.

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I used to get really nervous whenever doing something in front of a group. Now I love it. It really feeds my energy.

[Spartacuss]

bleh... as long as I'm not ad libbing with the attention it should be fine. I hate being called on out of the blue to give a speech...esp. at any ceremony where I'm supposed to be toasting someone *represses bad memories*
I remember a disastrous team presentation where I had to work with Mr. Impromptu (oh great, group work ) and he failed to carry his prepared half and fucked up my carefully planned presentation. Cue the panic as I realized things were not going as planned, and the acute sense of everybody paying attention to the fuck-up was immense. I hated him.

[entropie]

I am still searching for a group

[prplchknz]

Originally Posted by entropie

I am still searching for a group

trust me when I say I have ONE friend in the same city as me and she's not even here this month. But I still have this fear which is probably why I can't make friends. I just tell myself I don't want friends, I'm fine being by myself. Part of me knows this isn't true, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't agree. I'm talking more on past experiences (like highschool)or family reunions, I'm fine as long as I'm not expected to talk, or stand in front of people. Yes I can't just stand on stage and do nothing.