Pregnancy and Self-Image

[Buds of May]

Originally Posted by heart

So can someone build a house on a cracked foundation and not expect problems down the road? It is the same for flawed or corrupted judgement. If the foundation for judgements is bad, the outcomes cannot be expected to be good.

If his friend tells the woman she's thin, presumably to reassure her, not in the sense that she's too thin and isn't taking care of herself, is he supposed to interject and make sure she realizes that she looks enormous? It might have been better to say she looked healthy and healthily pregnant, if true, but it's probably awkward to make the correction afterward.

Sometimes people judge sincerity by whether others seem to be considering their feelings. She knows if she's big.

[heart]

Originally Posted by Buds of May

If his friend tells the woman she's thin, presumably to reassure her, not in the sense that she's too thin and isn't taking care of herself, is he supposed to interject and make sure she realizes that she looks enormous? It might have been better to say she looked healthy and healthily pregnant, if true, but it's probably awkward to make the correction afterward.

Sometimes people judge sincerity by whether others seem to be considering their feelings. She knows if she's big.

Why does it have to be "too thin" or "enormous?" Actually this sounds like judgement affected by being too extreme in viewpoint!

[Buds of May]

Originally Posted by heart

Why does it have to be "too thin" or "enormous?" Actually this sounds like judgement affected by being too extreme in viewpoint!

Ok.

Is he supposed to interject and make sure she realizes that she looks non-thin?

[heart]

Originally Posted by Buds of May

Ok.

Is he supposed to interject and make sure she realizes that she looks non-thin?

I don't see any good coming out of commenting on thinness one way or the other. If she's pregnant, then she's pregnant. You said she was healthy pregnant, that's obviously not thin or fat but pregnant, why not just say you look pregnant and you're beautiful with it? Obviously she's going to know he's lying if he says she looks thin, but pregnancy is beautiful in a ultra feminine way, it is the pinnacle... so why not focus on that aspect of it if one wants to make a pregnant woman feel better? There's no way to convince a hugely pregnant woman that she's not huge, she can't see her own toes, she knows she's huge! Better to help her put it in proper perspective.

[Buds of May]

Originally Posted by heart

I don't see any good coming out of commenting on thinness one way or the other. If she's pregnant, then she's pregnant. You said she was healthy pregnant, that's obviously not thin or fat but pregnant, why not just say you look pregnant and you're beautiful with it? Obviously she's going to know he's lying if he says she looks thin, but pregnancy is beautiful, so why not focus on that aspect of it?

Agreed, but his friend already said it. If he tries to backtrack for his friend, he's likely to alienate both. I've done this sort of thing and it has almost always done so. How would you do it?

[heart]

Originally Posted by Buds of May

Agreed, but his friend already said it. If he tries to backtrack for his friend, he's likely to alienate both. I've done this sort of thing and it has almost always pissed people off. How would you do it?

This is when being quiet comes in handy. Learn some incoherent phrases.

[Buds of May]

Originally Posted by heart

This is when being quiet comes in handy. Learn some incoherent phrases.

Oh, I see.

I guess I have a less active idea of "defend another's flawed judgment," as in not trying to contradict it, which I am prone to want to do.

In that case, you can always just tell her she looks beautiful and healthy without addressing the fib.

[heart]

Originally Posted by Buds of May

Oh, I see.

I guess I have a less active idea of "defend another's flawed judgment," as in not trying to contradict it, which I am prone to want to do.

It depends on how much responsibilty you want to take for your friend in coversations. I am not going to speak up and support something I don't agree with just because someone else put their foot into it. They got themselves into, they can pull themselves out. Now if they ask for my opinion later as to why the huge pregnant woman wasn't happy hearing she looks like Twiggy, I would suggest what I said above about it.

Edit: I think what most pregnant women are seeking when they say "gosh I am so huge" (or whatever) is not really a lie, but assurance that they are still lovable, still okay. I think mostly what they need to hear that pregnancy is a natural and beautiful thing, because our culture doesn't really openly do that for them. Telling them they are thin, just really feeds the negative things they fear, becuase they know they've been lied to in order to make them feel better, so that validates the need to feel bad! Nobody really feels better from a outright lie.

[Buds of May]

Originally Posted by heart

Now if they ask for my opinion later as to why the huge pregnant woman wasn't happy hearing she looks like Twiggy, I would suggest what I said above about it.

Why does it have to be "huge" or "Twiggy"? Just kidding.

I agree that there's no need to tell her that to begin with.

Originally Posted by heart

Nobody really feels better from a outright lie.

I think some people do. They want to know that they're worth the lie, or something. At least, I know that people can get very upset if the answer they get isn't the obvious falsehood they were fishing for, even if it's more thoughtful. It's like they think it's an expression of disrespect.

[heart]

Originally Posted by Buds of May

I think some people do. They want to know that they're worth the lie, or something. At least, I know that people can get very upset if the answer they get isn't the obvious falsehood they were fishing for, even if it's more thoughtful. It's like they think it's an expression of disrespect.

I don't think we're responsible for people who play head games with us. They have unreasonable and undeclared needs.