Mock emotions

[substitute]

You know like teachers do, when one minute they're bellowing at the class and the next minute they turn around and talk in a perfectly calm voice to an adult standing next to them? So like, it wasn't real anger, but sorta 'acted' anger, for the benefit of the class?

Well, I do it all the time. Especially when I'm driving. Some knobhead cuts me up on the inside and I'll shout "You utter cretin!" and flip the bird, but I'm really not actually angry, in fact I'm closer to joking and laughing than I am angry - feel my pulse and it's calmer than the calmest ocean, even whilst I'm yelling.

Many of the emotions I display are in fact not real emotions, but only skin deep - just playing around at pretending or showing whatever emotion would be most suitable for the situation, often for comic effect. In reality I'm on a very even keel 90% of the time and completely calm.

Now, this is something I've seen other people do too, I'm sure of it. But my ISTJ friend finds it all baffling - and incredible; he doesn't believe it. He thinks this is me trying to make out I'm pretending the emotions just because I'm "embarrassed" at having been "caught" being emotional. Personally I find that interpretation baffling! But whatever the case, he seems unable to fathom the idea of someone not standing 100% by every single word they utter.

And then, to top it all off, when I actually do show a real emotion, which I'd think most people would be able to tell the difference, he sits with a disdainful look as if to say he doesn't believe it's real, thinks I'm putting it on!! He uses the phrase "trying to win an argument by sheer force of personality", when I'm doing nothing of the kind, I'm simply saying what I think but because I think it so strongly, it comes out with the emotions attached to it in my natural, exuberant style.

So, anyone know what I mean? Anyone nodding right now while reading this? Is this an SJ/NP difference? An Si/Ne clash? Or a more widespread thing? Or is it just me and him?

[Night]

Many times, negative emotions can bottleneck into wider psychological pollution if not properly purged.


I find that reading tends to diminish my emotional distress.

[elfinchilde]

I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. When i express an emotion, it is always genuine. Even if fleeting, as most of mine are.

Is that what you mean by skin deep?

[white]

Perhaps as an ENTP with a high Fe, I can guess what you mean there.

I call it mimicry, simply. You affect the emotion that fits the behaviour of the group, sometimes unconsciously even, because it is what that will get you the results you wish. Sometimes it is fitting in. Othertimes, it is standing out. And all the shades inbetween. But in reality, you're merely toying with it the way a kitten plays with little strings of yarn. It is something external to you, fascinating, but not internalised.

Does it make that emotion fake, are real emotions suppressed? I am not certain.

What is a real emotion anyway; if something is temporal, does it mean it is false? All emotions are by their nature, temporal?

Methinks your ISTJ seeks constancy and is somewhat flummoxed by the changeability you show. But I'm not certain what constancy there is in emotions.

Perhaps his rate of change is slower than yours, that's all. Hence when he sees how you behave with others, it does not fit the system he knows, which is 1) how he behaves 2) how he believes everyone should behave.

Edit: And he only believes he stands by 100% of his words all the time, methinks. Someone like that either doesn't speak much, or doesn't have much friends IRL isn't it.

[elfinchilde]

^ what she said:

Is it unique to ENTPs?

But. If i'm happy, i'm happy. If i'm sad, i'm sad.

that's all there is. i don't quite hide anything: at most, i'd just keep quiet when i'm down, so that i don't snap at others.

it's real, even if it's fleeting. but yes though, my moods change often and plenty. i'm the original storm in a tea cup.

[FineLine]

Originally Posted by substitute

Some knobhead cuts me up on the inside and I'll shout "You utter cretin!" and flip the bird,

I would call that a genuine emotion, just very transitory and shallow. I would call it "irritation." In my case, it lasts long enough for me to utter a couple quick obscenities, but not long enough to affect my respiration or heartbeat. It's forgotten a few seconds later when my attention is distracted by something else.

But if I were to get cut off three times in quick succession by the same bonehead who is trying to find a break in heavy traffic, and I may get irritated enough that the emotion doesn't go away so quickly...

Originally Posted by substitute

I'm simply saying what I think but because I think it so strongly, it comes out with the emotions attached to it in my natural, exuberant style.

When people get worked up in a debate, I would call that a genuine emotion too, for example "frustration" at not being able to get the other person to see one's point. That might be similar to the level of being cut off three times in quick succession in traffic.

*********

IOW, I think that they're both genuine emotions, just with different levels of transitoriness and shallowness. We have appropriate language for shallow emotions: irritation, frustration, annoyance, aggravation...

In the case of your friend, he may not realize just how frustrated you might get when you can't get your point across in a debate (or how much "enthusiasm" you attach to making the point itself). I've seen ENTPs get pretty worked up in a debate with me, whereas I myself am feeling 100 percent calm and not attaching much importance to the debate at all. Same with INFJs--they can become quite hurt and angry when I simply refuse to recognize a distinction that's crucial to them. (Sometimes I'm only arguing a point half-heartedly, using Fi to process the issue inwardly and not even really paying attention to the debate itself, and suddenly I notice that the other party is getting quite riled and heated.)

So I would suggest that your ISTJ friend doesn't feel the same levels or hierarchies of annoyance/irritation to the same minor stimuli. But I would still call them all genuine emotions; I would just distinguish between them by the varying levels of transitoriness and shallowness.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by substitute

So, anyone know what I mean? Anyone nodding right now while reading this? Is this an SJ/NP difference? An Si/Ne clash? Or a more widespread thing? Or is it just me and him?

I do this a lot. I even do it here sometimes. The appropriate response (and especially one to get the point across) might be "annoyance" or "anger", and so I play into that, more to express my opinion of the matter, but not really because I'm as annoyed or angry emotionally as I might be making myself sound.

[elfinchilde]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I do this a lot. I even do it here sometimes. The appropriate response (and especially one to get the point across) might be "annoyance" or "anger", and so I play into that, more to express my opinion of the matter, but not really because I'm as annoyed or angry emotionally as I might be making myself sound.

am i the only screwball who expresses everything exactly as i feel, whenever i feel it?

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by elfinchilde

am i the only screwball who expresses everything exactly as i feel, whenever i feel it?

I don't know. Are you?

I am mostly saying there is an intellectualized component to my emotion, it's not all pure expression.

[elfinchilde]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I don't know. Are you?

i'm doomed.

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I am mostly saying there is an intellectualized component to my emotion, it's not all pure expression.

oh ok. But that is usually the case, isn't it? As in, one is consciously aware of why they're feeling that emotion at that particular point in time. The rational identification of the triggers and all that. Which is precisely why it can be expressed, isn't it?

i.e., situation-->eliciting of an emotional response-->rational understanding of the response-->emotional expression.

*elfie has a sense she is going in circles and off-topic*