Emotion control

[alcea rosea]

Originally Posted by erinavery

that's a good point...and now it makes sense.

we can't deal with it when we're with people because we're co compelled to take care of them or worry about them and how they're doing...you can't do both....wow...interesting.

Yes, that is excactly the point I was trying to say! Thanks!

I always feel responsible for people's emotions around me but when my own emotion is VERY strong, I cannot handle other people's emotions anymore.

I dont' have this probelm with overly positive and joyful experiences, because I simply share my happiness with other people. Sadness is something I don't want to share (maybe because I don't want to bring my pain to other people, so taking care of others emotions that time too, in a way).

I'm very blessed with being married to emotionally extremely stable person because it totally balances my emotional rollercoaster.

[Lady X]

exactly!! that's us still taking care of them and not sharing that...so true!

and aww...that's sweet...love to hear about happy married people.

[mlittrell]

depends who i am around and where i reside. most of the time i "channel" bad emotions into good ones. im using the word "channel" very loosely here. i mean that i can feel a bad emotion and then convince myself into feeling it as a good emotion. "bad" emotion is relative to the person feeling it so really i can control "bad" emotions

[nolla]

Originally Posted by alcea rosea

maybe because I don't want to bring my pain to other people

This is a really good point actually. I am quite drunk and I still see what you mean , but yeah, it might be that because I take emotions so "seriously" that I don't want to be the person that gives negative vibes to anyone. Yes, it makes sense... Good point... (of course it is not "negative vibes" when someone is comforting you, since they get something from it, they feel like they do something good, but still it is so much up to the attitude of the person that you can't really tell if they do it just because that is what they are expected to do. Anyhow, there still is the chance of giving the negative vibes...)

Originally Posted by Anja

You know where I live is strongly Northern European in its makeup and something I noticed years ago when I first started to learn about feelings is that the culture that I come from frequently uses the expression I've read here several times - "breaking down."

Listen to how negative that sounds! When a person cries at a funeral people say, "He broke down." Good grief. Nobody wants to break down fer gawd's sake.

The prejudice toward what are perceived as negative feelings is right there in our language.

Well, yeah, I know. It is very rare around here to see a man cry... And we even have adopted the term "break-down" from english and it is used quite a lot. Not as much as "burn-out", though... Anyways, it is partly cultural, I am sure... but on the other hand, the people I hang around are not really FINNISH in the way most people think finnish people are. Well, they are finnish as far as the genes go, but their attitude isn't, so I expect my cultural heritage to be as little as theirs (because I can't stand the stereotype finnish person, and he is very much against everything I believe in)

So, to me it seems more plausible to think that the reason I can't really "break down" (even if I want to) comes mostly from my childhood experience... I realized at a really young age that the way I show my emotions reflects at how "happy" my parents are, so I stopped it. I didn't want them to be angry at each other, and I somehow linked my emotional outbursts to that... I think it became a habit and I didn't see it that way, so even now I am not comfortable showing my emotions to certain people.

[alcea rosea]

Originally Posted by nolla

Anyhow, there still is the chance of giving the negative vibes...)

This is probably the case with me. The other thing is that when having strong negative emotion of my own, I really cannot experience other people's emotions whatever they happen to be on the moment. I also hate people see me so exposed and so hurt and I basically want experience those emotions privately. I would call sadness my most introverted emotions if the happiness is the most extroverted emotions I have. (See - I'm already defining emotions's on E-I axis )

I am sure... but on the other hand, the people I hang around are not really FINNISH in the way most people think finnish people are. Well, they are finnish as far as the genes go, but their attitude isn't, so I expect my cultural heritage to be as little as theirs (because I can't stand the stereotype finnish person, and he is very much against everything I believe in)

Stereotypes are stereotypes. I'm not a typical Finnish person in regards of the stereotype, because of my explosive temperament and my extrovertness and my radiant energy (that drains many really introverted people). In regarding to stereotypes, I probably should have been born in southern Europe.

I haven't actually even met a typical Finnish person yet because I don't think such exists. I don't know who has made up the idea of a typical Finnish person anyway?

I have met lots of extroverted and lots of introverted people in Finland and I one of the biggest things that I've tried to learn is trying to understand the introverted people in my life and in general.

[nolla]

Originally Posted by alcea rosea

I haven't actually even met a typical Finnish person yet because I don't think such exists.

I have met a couple of those. They are sad and proud little working bees. But, they exist because the stereotype exists. All the people who never took the time to think about what they are will be likely to just try and fit in, so, if they have only the stereotype they will try to fit in it.

[alcea rosea]

Originally Posted by nolla

All the people who never took the time to think about what they are will be likely to just try and fit in, so, if they have only the stereotype they will try to fit in it.

Very good point!