A question for extraverts

[Mycroft]

I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.

[Athenian200]

That's strange, if people ask me that question (which they don't, usually), I tend to become uncomfortable as well, and I'm not an extravert (or else I'm a very repressed one). Did you check to see if they were judging/perceiving types? I'm curious now, too.

[chatoyer]

I'll try.......I'm an extravert, but I usually don't like the spotlight on me, so when somebody asks a question like that, that shows they noticed all those small nonverbal aspects to my response, I feel really self-conscious.......especially if it comes from another NF, because they tend to notice & catalogue all those things, & read into the hidden meanings, it just makes me feel exposed!

I would much rather be the one that's in the interviewer position, & do my own nonverbal analysis. Sometimes I'm guilty of sharing what I've found--I don't usually ask questions like you do, I notice those things & make assumptions--there can be multiple assumptions-- & ultimately I try to piece together all that information I've catalogued over time to support a theory or model of that person.

Does that answer your question?

[The_Liquid_Laser]

Originally Posted by Mycroft

I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.

What I am about to say may be more for people who have Ne or Se as their dominant function. I usually don't register those things on a conscious level, not when I am doing them anyway. My face is naturally very expressive and gives away what I am thinking and feeling. This is because my extraverted function is perceptive, Ne, and I'm not stopping to process what I am doing. So in an animated convesation all of my interactions are based on Ne, and if you asked me something like that I might not really know what you are talking about since I am focused on you and not myself.

If I am having a more thoughtful conversation then I appear more like an introvert because I pausing to think about what is being said before I respond. That is how I would use Ti in a conversation. But without that I would be more focused on what you are doing than myself. It would appear that you are asking me about something that I am not aware that I am doing.

[digesthisickness]

when someone asks me, "why do you make that face when..." (and they have) then i answer, "do i? i didn't know i did, so i don't know. why do you ask?" in case i've been misunderstood or something, i ask them why. i learned to ask that after being accused of making people feel stupid with 'a look'. whatever!

if it has to do with something i'm aware of, like hands all over the place when i talk, the very obvious way that i'll put emphasis on certain words for sarcastic or comedic reasons, then i say, "*dramatic shrug* dunno!! just always have!!"

[niffer]

I've never been asked something like this before; on the contrary people say I'm pretty poker-faced most of the time. But I've been accused of "staring people down" before, even though I'm not too familiar with that concept in the first place. I let my eyes wander, and don't really think about where they're looking...people must get intimidated if I fixate my stare on them for more than a couple of seconds...but that's because I like to take in peoples' presences.

[Littlelostnf]

Originally Posted by Mycroft

I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.

I have been asked that question before and I've always tried to explain. I know that my face is very expressive. Sometimes my expressions and intonation reflect what I've felt before I have a chance to process it and anyone who knows me well knows that if I'm "poker faced" something is wrong. If someone asks me a question like that I try to give them an honest answer even if it's not always comfortable for me to tell them what I'm thinking right then. If I really can't talk about it right then I'll tell them to ask me that same question later when I can answer it to their satisfaction and I'm comfortable giving an answer.

[targo]

Originally Posted by chatoyer

I'll try.......I'm an extravert, but I usually don't like the spotlight on me, so when somebody asks a question like that, that shows they noticed all those small nonverbal aspects to my response, I feel really self-conscious.......especially if it comes from another NF, because they tend to notice & catalogue all those things, & read into the hidden meanings, it just makes me feel exposed!

I would much rather be the one that's in the interviewer position, & do my own nonverbal analysis. Sometimes I'm guilty of sharing what I've found--I don't usually ask questions like you do, I notice those things & make assumptions--there can be multiple assumptions-- & ultimately I try to piece together all that information I've catalogued over time to support a theory or model of that person.

Does that answer your question?

yes I feel EXACTLY the same

you have to realize that he enfp is the shyest extravert *sigh*

[Mycroft]

To elaborate, in response to these, er, responses:

What Liquid and digesthisickness said makes sense; extraverts are focused on what's going on around them, hence mental energy is shifted away from the psychological causes of their facial expressions, etc.

What I've noticed is that when you ask an ENXX why they do these things, they become uncomfortable, as though you just asked them, "Hey, what's in the one door that's always locked, you know the one the key to which you always carry around and we're not supposed to talk about?" ESXXs just get pissed and give you some variant of the "Fuck you, honky!" response.

I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Mycroft

ESXXs just get pissed and give you some variant of the "Fuck you, honky!" response.

lol, I've *seen* that!

I have also noticed a lot of ESxx's hate to feel like they are being compartmentalized and/or analyzed and shoved into a box. (Moreso than the average person... or perhaps their extroversion forces them to VOICE it out loud.)

I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.

Probably the same reason introverts tend to be more afraid of the outer world but are less afraid to explore themselves. The locus of identity of the extrovert tends to be formed in the external world; the internal part is the unknown.

(I like to think of extroverts as starting like a tall tree with lots of foliage but a very slim trunk; introverts have a thick strong sturdy trunk but little foliage. Healthy trees need to develop both to some degree; we just start in different places.)