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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Thomas-Kilmann Instrument / Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory

    I just came across these this morning.
    They sound interesting on the surface, so I'm going to check into them further.
    I was hoping maybe some other folks might join me in exploring and discussing them.


    Thomas-Kilmann Conflict MODE
    • Competing is assertive and uncooperative
    • Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative
    • Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative
    • Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative
    • Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness
    Ralph Kilmann - Conflict MODE Instrument
    http://www.dric.com/Assessments/TKI_Sample.pdf
    Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++

    Kraybill Conflict Style
    is a modification of the above.
    Here is a free online early version test:
    Personal Conflict Style Inventory
    More about the development of this variation:
    The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Inventory Strengths and limitations. Alternatives.

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    That inventory was interesting.
    Many of the questions seemed to be asking if I were more "T" oriented or more "F" oriented.
    One of the problems I used to have and still have trouble with every now and then is having the courage to speak up for what I want, or my point of view.
    I used to just retreat and avoid, and I'm learning it's healthier and we're encouraged to speak up for ourselves.
    My willingness to speak up though is usually determined by whether I believe anyone will care what I have to say, or whether I think it will do any good, i.e. whether I'll be successful.
    The LAST thing I want is to start a brawl.
    I'd rather just keep to myself.

  3. #3
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    I've read a little bit more, and now I feel like I wish there was a book on how to move from the unhealthier ways of dealing with conflict to the healthier ways.
    "Collaborating" seems to be the one to shoot for, but in my opinion, the issue at hand isn't always worth the effort of a full-out collaboration.


    "Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative - the opposite of avoiding. When collaborating,
    an individual attempts to work with the other person to find a solution that fully satisfies the
    concerns of both. It involves digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two
    individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of concerns. Collaborating between
    two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s insights,
    with the goal of resolving some condition that would otherwise have them competing for resources,
    or confronting and trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem.


    Uses
    • To find an integrative solution when the concerns of both parties are too important to be compromised
    • When your objective is to learn - for example, testing your own assumptions, understanding the views
    of others
    • To merge insights from people with different perspectives on a problem
    • To gain commitment by incorporating others' concerns into a consensual decision
    • To work through hard feelings that have been interfering with an interpersonal relationship"

  4. #4
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Hmmm I've yet to read into this... my initial assessment of my own style would be that I'm accomodating though a little re-analysis lead me to believe that perhaps I lie closer to compromising.

    I used to be quite avoidant of conflict believing that if I supressed my own desires and ideas then I would be untouchable. Instead all I found was that I kept on exploding as my inner wants boiled over.

    Now I'm more likely to state exactly what I want at the start in an honest manner. This doesn't mean I expect to get it but I kinda figure it's more likely if someone other than me knows about it

    I'll go through those links and see if I change my mind.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Hmmm I've yet to read into this... my initial assessment of my own style would be that I'm accomodating though a little re-analysis lead me to believe that perhaps I lie closer to compromising.

    I used to be quite avoidant of conflict believing that if I supressed my own desires and ideas then I would be untouchable. Instead all I found was that I kept on exploding as my inner wants boiled over.

    Now I'm more likely to state exactly what I want at the start in an honest manner. This doesn't mean I expect to get it but I kinda figure it's more likely if someone other than me knows about it

    I'll go through those links and see if I change my mind.
    I used to be totally avoidant, but probably for different reasons than yours.
    As a child, I was not allowed to have an opinion.
    I mean that I was never asked, and worse, if I voiced myself, I might be physically injured for doing so.
    So fear was really my main reason for complying.

    The absurd truth is that in the past year and a half as I have become active on different forums, that is where I have learned that I have a right to an opinion, and that I don't have to be afraid to voice it.
    After all, no one knows where I live, so they can't hurt me.
    It has truly helped me to have more courage in saying what I'm thinking and feeling.

    Along with that, I have been learning that healthy people are willing to have a discussion and work out a compromise or collaborate on an issue. What has been a little frustrating is that my husband is now always accusing me of starting an argument when all I want is a discussion... a collaboration. I may have to bring him up to speed on the difference between the two.

  6. #6
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    This instrument is basically like DiSC or Social Styles, but with a "moderate" range allowing for a fifth style. So it is basically a forerunner to the five temperament model I have been talking about:

    Assertive is extroversion,
    cooperative is Directing/Informing or people/task focus (not to be confused with Keirsey's "cooperative")

    Since TKI seems to be describing basic person to person skills (Or FIRO "Inclusion"), then it probably matches Interaction Styles as well

    Competing is assertive and uncooperative (Choleric, lower right on my avatar; EST/ENJ)
    Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative (fifth temperament, upper left ISF/INP)
    Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative (Melancholy, lower left IST/INJ)
    Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative (Sanguine, upper right, ESF/ENP)
    Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness (Phlegmatic, center; also ISF/INP)

    All of these models are probably inspired by the Blake-Mouton grid, which introduced the 0-9 "map" of these scales. A predecessor that did not gain popularity was Jay Hall. A later one that copied the model was Kraybill.
    APS Profile: Inclusion: e/w=1/6 (Supine) |Control: e/w=7/3 (Choleric) |Affection: e/w=1/9 (Supine)
    Ti 54.3 | Ne 47.3 | Si 37.8 | Fe 17.7 | Te 22.5 | Ni 13.4 | Se 18.9 | Fi 27.9

    Temperament (APS) from scratch -- MBTI Type from scratch
    Type Ideas

  7. #7
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I used to be totally avoidant, but probably for different reasons than yours.
    As a child, I was not allowed to have an opinion.
    I mean that I was never asked, and worse, if I voiced myself, I might be physically injured for doing so.
    So fear was really my main reason for complying.
    Mine was more along the lines of people going . The physical harm was only ever introduced from those my own age (or there abouts).

    One person said to me, in relation to an abusive relationship, "one day you'll get hit and it won't be the worst hit you've experienced... but it'll be the last" and I think that describes my relationship with the bullies involved.
    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    The absurd truth is that in the past year and a half as I have become active on different forums, that is where I have learned that I have a right to an opinion, and that I don't have to be afraid to voice it.
    After all, no one knows where I live, so they can't hurt me.
    It has truly helped me to have more courage in saying what I'm thinking and feeling.
    More!!! More!!!
    *stamps feet and bats fist on desk*


    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Along with that, I have been learning that healthy people are willing to have a discussion and work out a compromise or collaborate on an issue. What has been a little frustrating is that my husband is now always accusing me of starting an argument when all I want is a discussion... a collaboration. I may have to bring him up to speed on the difference between the two.
    Ooo you're on a losing battle there. The man has the TV remote. What you propose is heresy plain and simple!!



    It took me and my missus a while with that one but I'd recommend it to anyone who wants long term happiness. It's nice to get what you want but it's so much nicer if other's agree to helping you get it rather than just sitting there scowling about it
    Quote Originally Posted by Eric B View Post
    This instrument is basically like DiSC or Social Styles, but with a "moderate" range allowing for a fifth style. So it is basically a forerunner to the five temperament model I have been talking about:

    Assertive is extroversion,
    cooperative is Directing/Informing or people/task focus (not to be confused with Keirsey's "cooperative")

    Since TKI seems to be describing basic person to person skills (Or FIRO "Inclusion"), then it probably matches Interaction Styles as well

    Competing is assertive and uncooperative (Choleric, lower right on my avatar; EST/ENJ)
    Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative (fifth temperament, upper left ISF/INP)
    Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative (Melancholy, lower left IST/INJ)
    Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative (Sanguine, upper right, ESF/ENP)
    Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness (Phlegmatic, center; also ISF/INP)

    All of these models are probably inspired by the Blake-Mouton grid, which introduced the 0-9 "map" of these scales. A predecessor that did not gain popularity was Jay Hall. A later one that copied the model was Kraybill.
    Too many names... mind faltering... second cousin to who's ex wife's sons sister?



    I've no idea in regard to the names but you're right about the parallel. I hadn't seen that till you pointed it out. Negotiation style as an aspect of temperaments. It's a good point.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric B View Post
    This instrument is basically like DiSC or Social Styles, but with a "moderate" range allowing for a fifth style. So it is basically a forerunner to the five temperament model I have been talking about:

    Assertive is extroversion,
    cooperative is Directing/Informing or people/task focus (not to be confused with Keirsey's "cooperative")

    Since TKI seems to be describing basic person to person skills (Or FIRO "Inclusion"), then it probably matches Interaction Styles as well

    Competing is assertive and uncooperative (Choleric, lower right on my avatar; EST/ENJ)
    Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative (fifth temperament, upper left ISF/INP)
    Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative (Melancholy, lower left IST/INJ)
    Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative (Sanguine, upper right, ESF/ENP)
    Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness (Phlegmatic, center; also ISF/INP)

    All of these models are probably inspired by the Blake-Mouton grid, which introduced the 0-9 "map" of these scales. A predecessor that did not gain popularity was Jay Hall. A later one that copied the model was Kraybill.
    Thank you for that.
    That's really interesting.
    Those parameters probably need to be held pretty loosely, I guess, just like everything else.
    Thankfully, people don't have to stay stuck in the unhealthy ways of dealing with things.
    My ISTP husband is one of the best mediator/negotiators I know.

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    ...
    More!!! More!!!
    *stamps feet and bats fist on desk*

    Aren't you afraid of making a SCENE at work?!

  10. #10
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Aren't you afraid of making a SCENE at work?!
    Well I can't make anything else... I'm not trained on the machines
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

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