Personal Hell No Escape Lifetrap Test

[Lark]

I was pretty sure I have abandonment issues. I guess if I do, they aren't as bad as I thought. I dunno.

Lifetrap --------- Strength
Self-sacrifice --------- strong
Subjugation --------- strong
Vulnerablity --------- medium
Approval seeking --------- medium
Pessimism --------- medium
Abuse --------- medium
Entitlement --------- medium
Failure --------- medium
Sosial isolation --------- medium
Dependence --------- weak
Insufficient self-control --------- weak
Emotional inhibation --------- weak
Abandonment --------- weak
Defectiveness --------- weak
Unrelenting standards --------- no lifetrap
Enmeshment --------- no lifetrap
Emotional deprivation --------- no lifetrap
Punitiveness --------- no lifetrap

Wow, the ones which I think are amongst the most scary are in your top three, I dont like the whole subjugation idea, not for a moment.

 

[cafe]

Wow, the ones which I think are amongst the most scary are in your top three, I dont like the whole subjugation idea, not for a moment.

Well, that's why I thought I had abandonment issues: I sometimes put up with stuff that I probably shouldn't in order to preserve the relationship and keep harmony. It bothers me when people don't like me or are mad at me. It's not conscious thing and I don't care all that much if I'm not actually around the person but I'm driven to please folks when I'm around them. That's one reason why I keep a very limited social life: fewer people to worry about displeasing.

But most of time, I do what I want and I can only keep up pleasing others for so long, unless they reward me with genuine approval. If I can't please someone, I will eventually write them off because the ROI is too low and I'm really kind of self-indulgent and lazy. I figure I can be by myself and be reading and be happy as a dog in stink, so why should I deal with it?

I also intentionally chose a non-controlling mate because I dated a controlling guy before I met him and it did not go well. I can only take that stuff for so long, especially if I'm smarter and/or more competent than the other person. And anyone that tries to dominate me just for the heck of it is usually in for a big surprise. I have no tolerance for bullies and I lose all sense of self-preservation when someone tries to pull that stuff.

So where I'm really vulnerable is with people who are nice to me. Thank God my in-laws haven't ever figured this stuff out. They would have no mercy.

As far as the self-sacrificing stuff goes, well I am a housewife and mother of four and I'm my mother's oldest child. Some of it's just kind of legitimately my job. And there are perks to the job as well as obligations.

 

[Viridian]

Lifetrap Strength
Emotional inhibition - very strong
Defectiveness - very strong
Punitiveness - strong
Pessimism - strong
Failure - strong
Dependence - strong
Approval seeking - strong
Subjugation - strong
Enmeshment - strong
Self-sacrifice - strong
Social isolation - strong
Vulnerability - medium
Abandonment - medium
Unrelenting standards - medium
Insufficient self-control - medium
Abuse - weak
Emotional deprivation - weak
Entitlement - weak

Sounds pretty accurate. Some of the items in the questionnaire did hit pretty close to home...

 

[Lark]

As far as the self-sacrificing stuff goes, well I am a housewife and mother of four and I'm my mother's oldest child. Some of it's just kind of legitimately my job. And there are perks to the job as well as obligations.

I was waiting for someone to mention that and anticipating a gender bias in the results, ie carers and care giving roles being cast as submissive or self-sacrificing, that is a double edged sword and a total other debate but I'm overly familiar with how quizes of this kind can give eschew results and often portray the roles people are playing rather than the people that they are. It happens with MBTI too, although to a certain extent it happens with people aswell, framing and filtering is a fact of life and leads to superficial assessments and conclusions.

Also what is the difference between feeling a thing and being self aware and self controlled about it and being a thing? If you know what I mean, clearly if you've any issues you are self-aware, you gave a great example of being self-controlled too and acting on the awareness when you mention choices about partner, so surely those things cease to be lifetraps then if you know what I mean?

To my mind the results of these surveys or quizes are not the final word because a bunch of responses to closed questions can indicate something but whether a person chooses to accept or reject that these indications and what that means and results in is something else altogether too.

 

[Thalassa]

Interesting. Do you think it means anything (i.e. how accurate is this test, and how useful the information)?

Hmm yes and no. The abuse thing is actually from adulthood, not from childhood (I was referencing an experience with an especially unstable long term partner) but the emotional deprivation thing assuredly comes from my grandparents being so reserved and undemonstrative, and from having a wonky relationship with my mother (which is better now in adulthood, and probably not her fault, per se) ...the lack of self-control probably also stems from being a strong Perceiver coming from a very strict, regimented household, where everyone else always controlled me.

I read up on it, and apparently people with low self-control seek authoritative types, and that's probably why I've been attracted to a lot of SJs and a few NTJs and am put off by anyone who shows open displays lacking control in the same *areas* that I do.

I also don't think my lack of self-control is as bad as it seems, I am not a heroin addict or anything, but on the other hand, I can't deny it.

I think all people are neurotic, and people just replicate human patterns of things like dependency or punitive behavior. That's why I didn't even highlight anything that was medium or weak traits.

 

[Thalassa]

I was waiting for someone to mention that and anticipating a gender bias in the results, ie carers and care giving roles being cast as submissive or self-sacrificing, that is a double edged sword and a total other debate but I'm overly familiar with how quizes of this kind can give eschew results and often portray the roles people are playing rather than the people that they are. It happens with MBTI too, although to a certain extent it happens with people aswell, framing and filtering is a fact of life and leads to superficial assessments and conclusions.

Also what is the difference between feeling a thing and being self aware and self controlled about it and being a thing? If you know what I mean, clearly if you've any issues you are self-aware, you gave a great example of being self-controlled too and acting on the awareness when you mention choices about partner, so surely those things cease to be lifetraps then if you know what I mean?

To my mind the results of these surveys or quizes are not the final word because a bunch of responses to closed questions can indicate something but whether a person chooses to accept or reject that these indications and what that means and results in is something else altogether too.

I'm female and my submissiveness, subjugation and self-sacrificing aren't strong.

It may be personality related. As an Fe type, she may find self-sacrifice rewarding.

As a Pe/Fi type, I probably do show a lot less self-control than an SJ...and may require more emotionally from some people than they want to or are capable of giving.

And yes, you could re-take the test in a more positive or negative, tired or lively, mood and probably have slightly different responses.

 

[cafe]

I'm female and my submissiveness, subjugation and self-sacrificing aren't strong.

It may be personality related. As an Fe type, she may find self-sacrifice rewarding.

As a Pe/Fi type, I probably do show a lot less self-control than an SJ...and may require more emotionally from some people than they want to or are capable of giving.

And yes, you could re-take the test in a more positive or negative, tired or lively, mood and probably have slightly different responses.

I think self-sacrifice sucks, honestly. But I believe sometimes it's necessary. When you have people that you are legitimately responsible for and responsible to, you suck it up and do at least the bare minimum. I don't get off on it or need people to think I'm amazing. I don't want to look like a Bad Mom. That's about the worst thing you can be and you can be labeled that for all kinds of stupid stuff.

But when you have four kids and, for a good chunk of your life, your partner worked 70 hours a week and/or spent a significant part of their work week out of town it falls on your shoulders. If you don't do certain things, they aren't going to get done. If they don't get done, it negatively impacts the lives of the people that mean the most to you.

So for a lot of years, while my kids were younger, yes, I was at the bottom of the totem pole. It's what it took for us to make it. It wasn't good for me and I didn't enjoy it, but it was an investment. Now that my husband works fewer hours and my kids are all older, I have a butt-load of free time. I mean, I'm still on-call if someone gets sick or something, but if I want to spent eight hours a day on my butt reading a book, there isn't anything to stop me from doing that now.

But I know this is a lull. My mom is sixty-four and I'm the only daughter. It'll be my job to take care of her. Eventually, I'll probably have grandchildren and I want them to have the kind of involved grandparents I had, but my kids did not. I don't really see it as being that different from working an outside job except I really care about the people I do stuff for and hope to have them in my life indefinitely.

 

[Thalassa]

I think self-sacrifice sucks, honestly. But I believe sometimes it's necessary. When you have people that you are legitimately responsible for and responsible to, you suck it up and do at least the bare minimum. I don't get off on it or need people to think I'm amazing. I don't want to look like a Bad Mom. That's about the worst thing you can be and you can be labeled that for all kinds of stupid stuff.

But when you have four kids and, for a good chunk of your life, your partner worked 70 hours a week and/or spent a significant part of their work week out of town it falls on your shoulders. If you don't do certain things, they aren't going to get done. If they don't get done, it negatively impacts the lives of the people that mean the most to you.

So for a lot of years, while my kids were younger, yes, I was at the bottom of the totem pole. It's what it took for us to make it. It wasn't good for me and I didn't enjoy it, but it was an investment. Now that my husband works fewer hours and my kids are all older, I have a butt-load of free time. I mean, I'm still on-call if someone gets sick or something, but if I want to spent eight hours a day on my butt reading a book, there isn't anything to stop me from doing that now.

But I know this is a lull. My mom is sixty-four and I'm the only daughter. It'll be my job to take care of her. Eventually, I'll probably have grandchildren and I want them to have the kind of involved grandparents I had, but my kids did not. I don't really see it as being that different from working an outside job except I really care about the people I do stuff for and hope to have them in my life indefinitely.

I agree with you, but you still value it even if it sucks sometimes. I didn't opt for that lifestyle at all, and I had plenty of feminine role models telling me so. My ESFJ exes mom, even in young adulthood, was livid that I wasn't some kind of Mexican maid.

Some women are actually offended by who I am, my mother started screaming once, why aren't you married? why don't you have any children? Of course I think that was just reactivity to me saying she'd never gotten anywhere in life, I used to be pretty angry at her when I was younger.

But my exes mom meant it. He was like "no just ignore her" because he was happy to clean up after himself and even do deep-cleaning, and he liked that I could cook and he couldn't, and that I actually was quite independent and able to support myself, he admired something about it, even when he wanted to keep me close and "take care of me" ...he would say that there was always something attractive about the fact that when I wanted to walk away, I always would and could, even if the circumstances weren't ideal, that I always seemed so capable of making my own freedom work.

So I still don't know if its about being a woman or being a certain personality type. In PTypes ISFP is relationships secondary to freedom and/or creative pursuits, and I can never totally hate my grandfather's ESTJ wife, because she was the one whispering things in my ear like "you don't need a man, and for some reason I can see you having a husband clean the house for you, not the other way around" *she was eerily right about that and I was like 9 years old when she said that to me*...but she was uber-independent in this staunchly Te way, even when she still conformed to gender roles in her own way by keeping house and dressing the part of the perfect conservative Southern wife.

 

[Thalassa]

I think self-sacrifice sucks, honestly. But I believe sometimes it's necessary. When you have people that you are legitimately responsible for and responsible to, you suck it up and do at least the bare minimum. I don't get off on it or need people to think I'm amazing. I don't want to look like a Bad Mom. That's about the worst thing you can be and you can be labeled that for all kinds of stupid stuff.

But when you have four kids and, for a good chunk of your life, your partner worked 70 hours a week and/or spent a significant part of their work week out of town it falls on your shoulders. If you don't do certain things, they aren't going to get done. If they don't get done, it negatively impacts the lives of the people that mean the most to you.

So for a lot of years, while my kids were younger, yes, I was at the bottom of the totem pole. It's what it took for us to make it. It wasn't good for me and I didn't enjoy it, but it was an investment. Now that my husband works fewer hours and my kids are all older, I have a butt-load of free time. I mean, I'm still on-call if someone gets sick or something, but if I want to spent eight hours a day on my butt reading a book, there isn't anything to stop me from doing that now.

But I know this is a lull. My mom is sixty-four and I'm the only daughter. It'll be my job to take care of her. Eventually, I'll probably have grandchildren and I want them to have the kind of involved grandparents I had, but my kids did not. I don't really see it as being that different from working an outside job except I really care about the people I do stuff for and hope to have them in my life indefinitely.

I agree with you, but you still value it even if it sucks sometimes. I didn't opt for that lifestyle at all, and I had plenty of feminine role models telling me so. My ESFJ exes mom, even in young adulthood, was livid that I wasn't some kind of Mexican maid.

Some women are actually offended by who I am, my mother started screaming once, why aren't you married? why don't you have any children? Of course I think that was just reactivity to me saying she'd never gotten anywhere in life, I used to be pretty angry at her when I was younger.

But my exes mom meant it. He was like "no just ignore her" because he was happy to clean up after himself and even do deep-cleaning, and he liked that I could cook and he couldn't, and that I actually was quite independent and able to support myself, he admired something about it, even when he wanted to keep me close and "take care of me" ...he would say that there was always something attractive about the fact that when I wanted to walk away, I always would and could, even if the circumstances weren't ideal, that I always seemed so capable of making my own freedom work.

So I still don't know if its about being a woman or being a certain personality type. In PTypes ISFP is relationships secondary to freedom and/or creative pursuits, and I can never totally hate my grandfather's ESTJ wife, because she was the one whispering things in my ear like "you don't need a man, and for some reason I can see you having a husband clean the house for you, not the other way around" *she was eerily right about that and I was like 9 years old when she said that to me*...but she was uber-independent in this staunchly Te way, even when she still conformed to gender roles in her own way by keeping house and dressing the part of the perfect conservative Southern wife.

 

[Ivy]

Lifetrap Strength
Sosial isolation strong
Subjugation strong
Vulnerablity strong
Failure strong
Pessimism medium
Punitiveness medium
Abandonment medium
Self-sacrifice medium
Dependence medium
Approval seeking medium
Unrelenting standards weak
Defectiveness weak
Insufficient self-control weak
Enmeshment no lifetrap
Abuse no lifetrap
Emotional deprivation no lifetrap
Entitlement no lifetrap
Emotional inhibation no lifetrap

Re: social isolation and failure: yes, I am a hermit (mostly by choice), and yes I don't feel like I've really been able to succeed in parts of life like my siblings and some of my friends have (although we have plenty). And re: vulnerability, yes I'm often (always?) worried about someone I love falling to the world's harms (I think that probably goes with being an enneagram 6).

About subjugation, I do it to myself- I've been lucky to have a pretty loving family of origin, a healthy primary relationship, and I'm pretty selective about bringing friends into my "inner sanctum" but once they're there they're as good as family. So nobody is asking me to subjugate myself, but if I care about someone, I want to keep them happy. Not really because I'm afraid they'll leave me. Just because.. I don't know why, actually. Probably worth exploring.

I liked this test, though- despite the spelling errors.

 

[cafe]

I agree with you, but you still value it even if it sucks sometimes. I didn't opt for that lifestyle at all, and I had plenty of feminine role models telling me so. My ESFJ exes mom, even in young adulthood, was livid that I wasn't some kind of Mexican maid.

Some women are actually offended by who I am, my mother started screaming once, why aren't you married? why don't you have any children? Of course I think that was just reactivity to me saying she'd never gotten anywhere in life, I used to be pretty angry at her when I was younger.

But my exes mom meant it. He was like "no just ignore her" because he was happy to clean up after himself and even do deep-cleaning, and he liked that I could cook and he couldn't, and that I actually was quite independent and able to support myself, he admired something about it, even when he wanted to keep me close and "take care of me" ...he would say that there was always something attractive about the fact that when I wanted to walk away, I always would and could, even if the circumstances weren't ideal, that I always seemed so capable of making my own freedom work.

So I still don't know if its about being a woman or being a certain personality type. In PTypes ISFP is relationships secondary to freedom and/or creative pursuits, and I can never totally hate my grandfather's ESTJ wife, because she was the one whispering things in my ear like "you don't need a man, and for some reason I can see you having a husband clean the house for you, not the other way around" *she was eerily right about that and I was like 9 years old when she said that to me*...but she was uber-independent in this staunchly Te way, even when she still conformed to gender roles in her own way by keeping house and dressing the part of the perfect conservative Southern wife.

That's a good point. My mom, who is an Fi type, I think, always said she didn't breastfeed because she didn't want to be tied down. That never made any sense to me. To me, if you have kids, you're tied down whether you give them formula or breastfeed them. It's just with breastfeeding, it's free and you don't have to wash bottles or pack them in the diaper bag before you leave the house.

My family did kind of push the career thing, but since I felt like I didn't have a stable family growing up, I wanted to make one of my own. The women in my family were not the cooking, nurturing type, but our religious culture encouraged that kind of thing. That's what I thought I wanted to do. Then I figured out that I didn't much like it and wasn't particularly good at a lot of it. By then, I was kind of locked in and really still am in a lot of ways. If I'd grown up seeing it, I might have known better. Since I didn't, it almost had the lure of rebellion.

Truth be told, though, there isn't anything else I think I'd be a lot happier doing. I don't have any driving ambition to have a fulfilling professional life. I just want to have enough money to be comfortable and I don't care too much how I get it as long as I'm not violating my morals or being made miserable in the process. And I don't know how folks juggle the childcare and full-time jobs and keep their marriages going. I don't think I have the energy for that.

But, yeah, if there is something that I see that I honestly believe needs doing and it looks pretty certain that nobody else is going to do it, chances are pretty good that I'll get around to doing it. Like, if my mom couldn't drive and had a doctor's appointment and I do not have other plans, you can be damn sure I'm driving my mom to the doctor.

However, I would not expect any of my kids to marry, to have kids, or to be SAHMs or SAHDs unless that's what they wanted to do. I want them to be responsible and to conduct their relationships with honor and I want them to be happy but I'm not real invested in how they do it. I do want grandkids, but if none of my kids have kids, there is always my brother. And if he doesn't have kids, well, surely there will be some frazzled parent or parents out there that will let us babysit for free and buy Carter's sleepers for their little ones. There isn't any need to damage my relationship with my kids over it or to try to push them into something that's a bad fit.

 

[greenfairy]

Hey, what, lol, what the, lol, what the hell happened?

Was your quiz like broken or something? Why did it spew out some many results? And they arent even results its not bad to have like pessimism, unrelenting standards and entitlement (from certain perspectives that means you're well adjusted, yes, I subscribe to the insane society theory).

What the hell is defective anyway? I want to know, why is everyone defective? *laughs so hard*

I hope that page doesnt link to a dianetics website or anything like that

Some of these can be channeled into productive or positive directions; it's just bad when you internalize things you have to be like, because you're constantly measuring yourself against things and not valuing yourself as you are. The defective thing is just that you have gotten the unconscious message that you are defective so you believe it when you don't measure up to unrelenting standards.

I actually don't think I'm pessimistic; I'm very optimistic in general; it's only in relationships.

 

[EcK]

I dont understand how questions about following rules have anything to do with entitlement, its not about some shiva given right, its about the fact that rules generally have workarounds.

 

[Thalassa]

Hey, what, lol, what the, lol, what the hell happened?

Was your quiz like broken or something? Why did it spew out some many results? And they arent even results its not bad to have like pessimism, unrelenting standards and entitlement (from certain perspectives that means you're well adjusted, yes, I subscribe to the insane society theory).

What the hell is defective anyway? I want to know, why is everyone defective? *laughs so hard*

I hope that page doesnt link to a dianetics website or anything like that

Actually you don't see those things as being as bad because of your own personality. I see having unrelenting standards as insane and inflexible, which is why it's weak for me. Also, entitlement being "very strong" instead of strong or medium could point to a kind of narcissism.

I think people get "defective" if they answer that they sometimes feel like they don't belong, or that other people are their better in some manner.

I also think some people self-examine more closely than others, and it's easier to admit their flaws, or maybe answer "sometimes" to certain questions (quite honestly) even if the trait isn't a real problem for them in their life.

I'm not surprised by your answers.

 

[Totenkindly]

I did this on a different forum last week....

Lifetrap Strength
Approval seeking very strong
Self-sacrifice very strong
Subjugation strong
Social isolation strong
Emotional deprivation strong
Defectiveness strong
Punitiveness strong
Emotional inhibation medium
Pessimism medium
Failure medium
Abuse medium
Dependence medium
Unrelenting standards medium
Enmeshment weak
Abandonment weak
Vulnerablity no lifetrap
Insufficient self-control no lifetrap
Entitlement no lifetrap

No real surprises here. I had a bully father and a fragile mother, neither of whom still really understands me, and that covers my chunk of high scores.

More interesting to note the bottom -- that despite those particular tendencies in me, I'm not really one to become enmeshed, deal with abandonment, lack self-control, or feel entitled.

EDIT: I actually took the long test last friday, and what came out far more apparently was my sense of social isolation and was my highest score, easily. I pretty much just feel like I don't fit in anywhere and if I disappeared, no one would notice.

At this point in life, I'm thinking that maybe my expectations are too high vs me not having anywhere to go -- whatever level of connection I am craving might be unrealistic.

Oh boy, another fun opportunity to discover what's wrong with us, thereby making us feel special!

Sorry, I'd have preferred that my parents didn't fuck me up with their baggage, as opposed to "feeling special," thanks. But maybe you're different...Oh wait, looks like you did the test anyway. Well, howdy and welcome to the Special Group.

 

[greenfairy]

Sorry, I'd have preferred that my parents didn't fuck me up with their baggage, as opposed to "feeling special," thanks. But maybe you're different...Oh wait, looks like you did the test anyway. Well, howdy and welcome to the Special Group.

Yeah, I was particularly referring to myself in that snarky remark. No offense intended.

I also think some people self-examine more closely than others, and it's easier to admit their flaws, or maybe answer "sometimes" to certain questions (quite honestly) even if the trait isn't a real problem for them in their life.

I was thinking this too.

 

[EJCC]

I also think some people self-examine more closely than others, and it's easier to admit their flaws, or maybe answer "sometimes" to certain questions (quite honestly) even if the trait isn't a real problem for them in their life.

I think this is why I got so many "mediums", so few "weaks", and only one "no lifetrap".

More interesting to note the bottom -- that despite those particular tendencies in me, I'm not really one to become enmeshed, deal with abandonment, lack self-control, or feel entitled.

That is an interesting way of thinking about it. (I was weak/no lifetrap on insufficient self-control, emotional deprivation, vulnerability, and dependence.)

 

[Totenkindly]

That is an interesting way of thinking about it. (I was weak/no lifetrap on insufficient self-control, emotional deprivation, vulnerability, and dependence.)

Yeah, and I think it contributes to why I feel socially isolated. Basically to avoid the subjugation, self-sacrificing and whatever else that I feel compelled to do or that I've felt subjected to, and to avoid clinging to others or using them, I withdraw.... but then because I've withdrawn, I'm alone.

EDIT: Back to the test for a second, I think it's important to just look at the scores in order, but not necessarily their strength per se. I noted that I tend to have a lot of "positive matches," my test scores are top-heavy. That probably means I was generally answering higher marks for all the questions than most others, so it's more the ranking of the areas that is helpful to me and not the slanted strengths of the scores.

 

[greenfairy]

Somewhat relevant I think. A lot of this is "wrong" with America as a culture.
http://bananenplanet.wordpress.com/2012/07/17/10-things-most-americans-dont-know-about-america/

 

[Scheherezade]

Failure very strong
Sosial isolation very strong
Vulnerablity very strong
Abuse very strong
Self-sacrifice strong
Emotional inhibation strong
Defectiveness strong
Entitlement strong
Pessimism strong
Punitiveness strong
Emotional deprivation medium
Dependence medium
Abandonment medium
Enmeshment medium
Unrelenting standards medium
Subjugation medium
Insufficient self-control weak
Approval seeking no lifetrap



i m such a fan of finding illnesses for myself online
this just gave me enough material for this May,

PS some questions are extremely biased not to mention leading