Your Scores
9 Words of Affirmation
12 Quality Time
0 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service
4 Physical Touch
Yep.
Hasn't changed much over the past few years.
Your Scores
11 Quality Time
9 Words of Affirmation
6 Physical Touch
4 Acts of Service
0 Receiving Gifts
I think the increase in value of Physical Touch probably has much to do with being in an overall healthier place. General growth, managing my PTSD & body image issues - becoming more consistently accepting of my own body to a greater extent - therefore becoming less dismissive/fearful of the extreme vulnerability that goes along with physical closeness. Good stuff.
Quality time still beats all.
Words of Affirmation can be pretty useful in reassuring me of the bond. The consistency in words & action from those I'm close to has really helped turn down the volume on the conditioned fear responses I can fall into in tense situations. You live long enough around messed up people who shame/reject/physically attack you (even go as far as to wish you dead when they're upset with you) - then say 'I love you' a few minutes later... it makes the foundation of any concept of love (without conscious thought) inherently unstable. Love from others has this fragile, crumbly texture. Even when your own love - what you feel/can offer to others - is persistent, unchanging... the contradiction just makes everything all the more uncertain. I'm very much a verbal learner (my username's not an indication at all) Words resonate. Build, and occasionally break. All the broken definitions of, "
I love you." Three little words that make the world go 'round, right?
While I do feel that actions speak louder than words - speaking, connecting.. that vital consistency
is an action. To me, at least. To experience the harmonic effect of seeing/feeling/hearing actual healthy love - be it from any sort of companion - romantic or otherwise (or even family, for some).. it steadies you. Actions & words in tandem. Love is not quite as chaotic and frightening. Physical closeness seems less intimidating & unnerving. Sometimes touch can pull you back to reality.. even help you feel safe.
Part of me cringes at the clear fact that it's taken external sources (healthy people/relationships) to start untangling some of the crossed wires in my head. Makes me feel weak, vulnerable. But it's merely human. We are social creatures. And it took some pretty toxic people/external traumatic experiences to tangle up those wires in the first place - so perhaps it stands to reason that it would also require outside influence to help work through that damage. Not directly, per se. Love is not a salve to heal wounds. Friends & lovers are not doctors. Relationships are for sharing life - not 'fixing' it.
But all the same, the depth of acceptance quells the fear. Kindness is not the calm anticipating the storm. The world makes sense. The earth beneath my feet is no longer made of eggshells. I can move about, think and feel with ease.
I won't break anything. Nor will I break.
I still forget, sometimes - but I am always reminded. Often now, of my own accord.
/end feelery rambling
