It's kinda hard for me to track nowadays.I'm basically like that too, because the Supine and Choleric are diametric opposites, and it's like a tug of war at times. Even though Control covers leadership and responsibilities, the speed at which we tend to undertake responsibilities is nevertheless tied to our Inclusion temperament. (I know, that can throw you off, but it does make sense, for you usually have to approach people on a surface interaction level before you can control them). Hence, I don't really want to control or be responsible for others either, precisely because of my social reservation.
In the first half of my life, I was so socially anxious I had only a small select circle of friends and often would cry/break down if I had to go somewhere where I did not know anyone.
(The first time my parents tried to send me to camp, in 4th grade, I tried so hard to be brave -- I remember fighting to remain composed -- but after I just broke down and bawled for 45 minutes, they canceled and took me home... leaving me filled with shame AND relief. The next year, I still was terrified but stuck it out... and once I got past the first two days, I was okay even if I felt disconnected.)
In adulthood, today, I'm still overwhelmed by meeting groups of new people without an anchor there to steady me, but I also enjoy the newness of it and have more confidence.
But even after I know them, I hate telling them what to do. I mean, I loathe it. My strong natural instinct is to (1) provide information, then (2) get the heck out of the way and let them do their thing. About the easiest it ever got for me was with my kids... because I knew they were not adults and needed me to guide them more proactively -- but between me and the ISFJ parent, it's pretty clear which one of us finds it easier to dictate and direct vs inform and empower.
I think so, as I described above. Except for the fact that I don't actually like it, even if I know the people well. Being a worship leader for a number of years was very hard for me because I would have a clear vision for where things had to go... but a total and complete reluctance to take charge and tell people what had to be done. I just wanted them to see what I saw, then act in alignment. When I left that position, I was both relieved and disappointed -- relieved that I no longer had to be directive, disappointed that I now had no way to implement my vision.So for me, it comes out simply in wanting things my way, and then, if I feel more secure on the social level, I'll tend to readily cross boundaries in trying to make things my way or what I think makes sense. And, then, of course, I won't want anyone to control me either. Cognitively, it is explainable through the Ti+Ne.
True, that is the one area I see where it comes out. My natural instinct is to debate/push things (which I've been giving more rein to), but I usually dial it way back because I know it has ramifications on the social structure around me and value having freedom/flex within that social structure (because I've built up some social capital) to do my thing, rather than burning my capital on arguing issues that might not be of ultimate importance to me. [I.e., one-upping people will often lose you respect and flex space; instead, I work hard to integrate, and then I have a lot of flex space when I need to push something.]You also have the typical NTP argumentativeness or oneupmanship, which I also associate with the Choleric. It will obviously be more apparent for ENTP's, because of the extroversion.
I used to be, but don't have much "sticktoitness" nowadays, sigh.Also, while I'm slow to start projects, once I do, I usually persevere until completion, and am pretty thorough.
Now you've highlighted a difference I saw between me and the INTJs I've tried to bond with -- I was always puzzled by how they typically did not seem to show an interest in the overt way I did in pursuing/maintaining bonds, although it was clear they liked the people involved. I was far more active in pursuit of such things.That also would be tied to the immature Si+Fe. An NTJ's "Choleric" behavior will be from the Te+Ni, and yet since their wanted Inclusion will be low (Melancholy or Choleric), they will not desire to maintain connections like that. Matching this, their immature functions will be Se+Fi.
Okay. Yes, I do the active interconnect thing... but if that fails me, I switch to "Okay, you do your thing, and I'll do mine, and I'm happy with that." I "release" them and myself...Control preference (especially for those whose Inclusion/Affection tends to interpersonal harmony) will be about how we react when this ideal inevitably does not work out.
... and get really mad if they come after me to exert some level of control.
It was just a bad time for me. There was cost involved, and the weekend before I had just been across the country and was exhausted, and I was in crunch time at work and couldn't afford off...Yeah, now I really wish she had come to our meetup. There don't seem to be many Supines in my circle. Be nice to see others for a change.
.... and then... there was the SNOW. Arg.
But I would like to attend the next, if at all possible.
Was that the one mentioned here, at the bar?You also would have seen Jenocyde's Choleric side (in a particular incident), to give an illustration of what I was saying above.
Here's what fits with what you are saying. My responses would have been as follows:
1. Try to accommodate/connect (the Supine thing).
But the third is the "okay, fine -- let's go at it" response, and I would have responded very similar.
I just don't like it because it commits me to a course of action = commits my energy to a course of action + burns bridges / spurs probable rejection and thus closure of options.
yes, same here. I'm extremely responsive to other people's displays, if I am committed to the relationship; I just suck at initiation, and not because I do not care.It just means I'm not expressive of a lot of affection or deep connection, however, I do generally respond to it.
That was actually my normal mode for much of my marriage. I think nowadays I engage a lot more in decisions even if I do not want to be bothered, because I see the relationship as reciprocal and now empathize with the other person having to make lots of decisions without my input (it's not fair)... I feel engaged.(Even when it means me leaving her to make decisions because I don't feel like being bothered with it at that point).