I'm pretty counter-culture. Combine that with a need for harmony and a need for connection with others and you've got cognitive dissonance.
How do I deal with that?
I can break any rule that I want to break any time I want. That's what I tell myself. The rest of my rule for myself is that I have to be willing to take whatever consequences that are the result of my rule-breaking.
That simplifies it for me. And it also allows me a sense of personal freedom and integrity.