Then quit biting me. *alluringly sweet chocolately smell*
But dear, you smell so good. You're practically begging for it.
Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship. Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts Social Penetration Theory 1 Social Penetration Theory 2 Social Penetration Theory 3
But... the fluff posts are the ones that get all the rep points!!
I haven't been deliberately changing or tailoring the things I post for the benefit of the rep system, but on days when I've been in a silly mood and just messed about, my rep's like doubled and tripled and doubled again. Then I spend a whole day writing thoughtful posts and keeping on topic and - not a sausage! Oh, except for some silly points given to silly posts I did previously.
I apologize if my derailing annoys anyone. But it's horses for courses. Some people like the tangents, and some people actually feel annoyed when something that's on a roll gets stopped and split and chunked up by the mods as a derailment cos they were enjoying it more than the original topic, often including the thread starter.
I never derail just for derailment's sake. It's always because something in the thread sparks off a thought in me that I do feel is relevant to the thread, and I make the post thinking people will see the connection... but they don't... they often see a different one, and then I respond to that, and thus it goes on... and it often takes a while before I realize I'm off-topic, because to my mind I've followed a coherent chain of reasoning the whole time.
Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!
"When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must
I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen
There are about seven people here that have been constantly derailing threads of the last 10 days or so. No one's trying to be the fun police, but when you try to have a semi-intelligent discussion and some totally irrelevant running gag becomes the next 20 posts, IT IS FREAKING ANNOYING.
Be nice in PMs. We believe that you all are the nicest people on the forum. You've proven repeatedly. It's becoming overkill and I'm developing a cavity.
I totally agree. I think this is a much bigger problem than the other thing. It's really hard to get motivation to post when everything is just "fluff." (Don't get me wrong, some of it's funny and creative, and I like that, but the rest of it? Yuck.) And honestly, I was on another board a while back, and someone said that they have an account/read here, but that they wouldn't be comfortable posting here because the community felt too "close-knit" and they felt like they would be intruding. I think it had something to do with all the in-jokes and threads that dredge up old ideas/arguments, as well as the lack of more purely MBTI/technical kinds of threads. It made me kind of sad that we give off such a cliquish air.
Seems odd that so much fuss can be caused over the ability to, mostly, pat people on the back.
Personally I have given only one negative assessment of a post since the whole things inception and I fail to see a direct causal link between being able to say "nice one" and an incoming wave of fluff. There is a lot of fluff over at INTPc but that's by and large due to egos matching off against each other and camaraderie.
As for the fluff, yes it's irksome when you're trying to go through some existentialist discussion only to be greeted with an accusation of being stoned or someone derailing the whole thread to chat about their new hamster called Fred but as these forums seem entirely morphic based on who's here at the time I fail to see how that can be rectified without serious encroachment from the admins and mods which neither they nor we want to see, or so it seems.
So we're back to the whole self moderation ideals and gentle pushing of fluffiness away from the grey matter posts. Surely if people want this then it will happen, mob rule/ democracy and all that.
If anything the rep system merely encourages those people who other's think are nice to post again. Do we want people posting a lot who we don't like? Probably not. At least now we have a method of influencing the reception of people without having to engage personally or make posts in threads which will lead to arguments and either a hostile environment for new posters or in people just giving up entirely.
As for new posters I would hope that they would see a bunch of people who get on really well and who are relaxed as a group. It seems that usually all someone has to do is post up "hi" and they will be well received (not that I tend to look at or post on hello threads, they have to be observed first ). If there are those who are worried about approaching a group of people then I'd have to question their desire for wanting to sign up to any forum. Surely a blog would suit them much better...something like wordpress or blogger.
As to the cliquiness of places, there are two types of groups inclusive and exclusive. I have yet to see an exclusive group on here and certainly would personally rankle against any such group. As such these cliques should not dissuade those brave enough to say hi but perhaps encourage them as they too can become part of the group and accepted into the forums "inner circle" (if there is such a thing).
You can't please all of the people all of the time and I'd challenge anyone to point out how this place has become less pleasant due to the reputation system or due to people being friends and having little jabs at each other.
As for intellectual based threads I've seen what happens with such dry subjects, they cannot be forced and often there are none to get your teeth into. It's simply a matter of waiting for a suitable thread or having that spark of inspiration to start one yourself. Forcing it produces those train wrecks which I have been known to start on occasion (about one every four weeks I'd reckon).