INTJ Anger

[d4mselfly]

I get frustrated exceptionally easily and I'll more often than not tear up when I'm misunderstood, which then results in more frustration because I don't want to appear vulnerable when I'm really just putting every single fibre of my being into not exploding with venom. I have never taken out my anger physically, and if someone pushes me past my breaking point I'll probably resort to meticulously honed-in and devastating snark. Nobody has pushed me that far yet, because I've been able to hold in the barbs, but they'll flood through my head during the whole disagreement and so it'll appear as if I've zoned out completely. I won't say anything at all, and usually the detachment deters the other from whatever they were bothering me with because I don't give them any momentum.

[Bri]

I don't get angry often. When I do, it's usually anger at myself for something, maybe being too trusting, too controlling, too focused to pick up on some piece of vital information, something like that.

I'm far more likely to scowl in private than to actually yell, partially because I realize yelling doesn't solve the problem, and partially because yelling wasn't something I witnessed growing up. We were more of a 'bottle it up inside' kind of family.

[Argus]

Peter the Great killed his own son with one drunken blow to the head.


INTJ anger at it's finest.

[Andy]

Peter the Great killed his own son with one drunken blow to the head.


INTJ anger at it's finest.

Agreed. Violence is one way to satisfy Se, and inferior Se will indulge in excessive violence, if you let it.

[Uytuun]

Agreed. Violence is one way to satisfy Se, and inferior Se will indulge in excessive violence, if you let it.

At first I was going to say that I don't identify with that, but then I remembered that as a child I once chased down and started strangling my brother after he'd taunted me for a very long time. My mother intervened and I don't think I'd have killed him, but at the same time, I was overtaken by rage to quite an extent and I was serious about it.

[uumlau]

Interesting thread, here.

INTJs get coldly angry because totally breaking down and expressing that anger doesn't solve the problem. Cold anger means that we have identified a particularly bad problem, and it either defies solution (so we just stew, but not because we want to, but because all possible actions lead to worse outcomes) or it allows us to consider more and more drastic means of solution, up to and including violence.

Andy J's story reflects that reticence more than might be obvious, at first. Note how far he has to be pushed. It had to get to the point where he had to physically defend a vulnerable friend, and it was a situation in which violence actually was a valid answer: calling 911 might result in arrests, but it would also result in waiting until long after his friend had been abused. The whole time, his goal was singular: remove his friend from the situation safely. The anger, while strong, was always in check, and only let loose (and only targeting the two men involved) once it was clear that violence was a valid solution. It wasn't to get even. It wasn't to hurt people. It wasn't to sate the anger. It was to achieve that one goal of protecting his friend from harm. I think it bothered him that it did sate his anger, and made him question his own motives ... that he felt out of control.

Mostly, though, it isn't nearly that dramatic. For INTJs, the feeling of anger is very separate from the decision. We don't want to feel angry, nor do we really want to try to sate it, because we've learned that sating it leads to poor decisions. Rather, we want to resolve the situation that angers us, and we're very motivated to do so. Such resolutions are evaluated based on their effectiveness, not upon the level of emotional satisfaction one might derive. At best, we might get an Ni/Te satisfaction for successfully implementing a strategy that removes a source of anger/annoyance from our lives, even in the cases where we'd really like to give into Se/Fi and beat the crap out of someone. We prefer to maintain the control and be effective, than simply give into that inner desire and do something ineffective.

(FWIW - I'm describing mature INTJ behavior. Immature INTJs will occasionally give in, especially when young and more rambunctious.)

[hilo]

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For non-INTJs:
Have you ever encountered an angry INTJ before? What was it like?
If not, are you curious about it? Would you dare anger an INTJ just to be able to see it?
Are you intimidated or frightened by the idea of an INTJ being angry at you?

Having lived closely with one, I see a lot of what some might call "anger" but is probably more like irritation or annoyance. However there are several types:

1) The exasperated INTJ - happens often when dealing with stupid people that don't understand INTJ's well-arrived at conclusions. Usually involves me getting a shouted one-sided argument in the car on the way home, even though I have no investment in the other side.

2) The you-fucked-up INTJ - happens when I do something REALLY P-like (lose keys, run down the car battery). This will be a simmering anger, which they will deny, but it's pretty obvious that they're upset from the outside because they're acting like assholes.

3) Destructive INTJ - when the INTJ is betrayed or someone really really fucks them over. Watch the fuck out. I find the seriousness of the anger is inversely proportional to the external cues (shouting, etc), so if you see a silent but fuming INTJ you might want to watch out for life and property.

One caveat is that I've long thought that my INTJ is a bit weak in the T, so I don't know if that changes things. Other INTJs may disagree strongly with the above.

Overall, serious anger is very very uncommon. I have made the INTJ angry (1 and 2 at least) and it's honestly not that scary, I know that rationality will prevail and we'll get past it relatively quickly. One thing to note is that apologies don't really work for them - they want you to fix the problem. If you can't, you just have to wait. Fortunately they don't stay angry for very long.

[Valiant]

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

I didn't feel it that often before. Like once every two years.
The other negative feelings could be categorized as sadness, guilt, shame and irritation.
It's when someone humiliates me, tries to do so or tries to cause physical damage to me that I get really angry.

If it's a guy, I beat him half to death. If it's a female, I do not use any form of force, but I will go about to destroy them verbally.
It's only happened once that I did the verbal thing, and that one had to deserve every bit she got ten times over for me to act as harshly as I did.
I have a hard time being angry at women for some reason.

As for how long stuff lasts... Well... I can't say forever since that's not an accurate description of how long I will live...
But as far as I can tell I hardly ever forgive or forget anything major.
I can make peace if trench warfare of the minds is going to be a logistical nightmare, but otherwise I will go about neutralizing the enemy in what I deem to be the most effective way(s), and continue doing so until they leave me and what I hold dear in peace.
If they ever come back... Well, my friends say I look like an axe murderer when i'm happy and definitely not nice when i'm really angry.

As for regrets... No, not really. I feel the inconvenience of it all, but that's not regret.
I do not enjoy being angry and I will not be angry without a very good reason.
Stupid/incompetent/mean-spirited people piss me off in a way, but that's more along the lines of irritation.

Thankfully this is not a common scenario.

[Erudur]

Having lived closely with one, I see a lot of what some might call "anger" but is probably more like irritation or annoyance. However there are several types:

1) The exasperated INTJ - happens often when dealing with stupid people that don't understand INTJ's well-arrived at conclusions. Usually involves me getting a shouted one-sided argument in the car on the way home, even though I have no investment in the other side.

2) The you-fucked-up INTJ - happens when I do something REALLY P-like (lose keys, run down the car battery). This will be a simmering anger, which they will deny, but it's pretty obvious that they're upset from the outside because they're acting like assholes.

3) Destructive INTJ - when the INTJ is betrayed or someone really really fucks them over. Watch the fuck out. I find the seriousness of the anger is inversely proportional to the external cues (shouting, etc), so if you see a silent but fuming INTJ you might want to watch out for life and property.

One caveat is that I've long thought that my INTJ is a bit weak in the T, so I don't know if that changes things. Other INTJs may disagree strongly with the above.

Overall, serious anger is very very uncommon. I have made the INTJ angry (1 and 2 at least) and it's honestly not that scary, I know that rationality will prevail and we'll get past it relatively quickly. One thing to note is that apologies don't really work for them - they want you to fix the problem. If you can't, you just have to wait. Fortunately they don't stay angry for very long.

wow. its like you know me.

[Edgar]

When I get really angry I just take it out on local bums or streetwalkers... no one misses them anyway.