INTJ Anger

[INTJMom]

Originally Posted by Metanoia

I never felt anger and I do not know how I would be when under that state. People are also curious as to how will I deal with that kind of emotion.
Please take note that anger and being irritated are two different things.

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?

I have just finished reading through this thread, and I am really finding it hard to believe
that there are so many people here who say they have never been angry.
I grew up in an angry home.
Having been exposed to so much anger, I thought that's how everybody was.
I thought that was the normal way to communicate your feelings.
In my early adult years, I was angry practically 24/7!
Any slight provocation would set me into a yelling tirade.
I am a "four"; they are especially fond of showing their feelings.
I can't count the number of times I have made a jerk out of myself in public by blowing up at someone in anger!
I never hit anyone, but I am short and female, so perhaps it's only because I didn't think I would win.
(Though I did bounce a couple of fights when I was a bartender.)

As far as how long it lasted... a yelling spree might last for 5 - 10 minutes depending on the opposition.
They say the chemicals created in your body when you're angry take at least 30 minutes to dissipate.
I have seen this bear out to be true over the years.

I still remember the very first time I ever heard a soft-spoken woman speak.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.
I had never heard such a thing in all my life.
I remember wanting to be like her.
I was about 28 years of age.

I hardly ever express outright anger any more and I hardly ever get angry any more.
I have learned to be patient, to not take life so seriously and to laugh at myself.
When I do express my anger in a loud and demonstrative way, I deeply regret it.
Expressing anger in a violent way doesn't do any good.

There is such anger as righteous indignation which can and should be expressed in constructive ways,
but most expressed anger is destructive.

[Antisocial one]

I can be very awkward socialy because of my lack of anger. That is because social norm says that I should be pissed of, but I am not.
So people feel very uncomfortable in this kind of situations because they don't know what to do and how to act.


It looks to me that people find this trait quite scary.

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Originally Posted by Firelie

As for what it was like, it was like every annoyance in the entire world came together to a focus point...kinda like burning ants with a magnifying glass...and I blew up. ... Sometimes I blow up with the anger, sometimes I get quiet, speak slowly, and use big words. lol

Thats a good way to describe it for me too. I'm glad it doesn't happen often.

[INTJMom]

Now when I get angry, I turn all my emotions off and hold them inside.
But that's bad because that can cause depression.
So I try to get in touch with my feelings when I am alone.

With my family, I might get defensive and raise my voice.
But I'm trying not to get defensive.
It's very unbecoming.

[sanveane]

Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

^Oooh I've seen this, it is something to behold. Hehe, I have a fairly even tempered INTJ friend whose catch phrase is "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like it when I'm angry." (ala David Banner/The Incredible Hulk). It is true! LOL.

[Into It]

One time I got angry too.

[Dwigie]

Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I remember being angry. I can probably count them on one hand, and remember them very well. It takes a LOT to get me to that point.

I've been in the 'controlled rage' state more often than actually yelling, and when I have done it my sister says its scary. She says I get this cold, cold look in my eyes and my voice drops to a deadly, controlled and slowww tone as if I'm saying 'I'm only going to say this once, ignore it at your own peril'. In these moments, inside I am nearly trembling but outwardly I'm not flinching an inch. I've seen people physically blanche when I've been like that and slowly walk away from me like I might bite them at any second hehe.

Its not funny in the moment, and I don't do it intentionally really, but I know from experience that those times when I HAVE completely lost my temper have not been pretty. I had total meltdowns, screaming, crying, kicking the wall, sobbing on the floor. It was like all the emotion that I never feel kind of exploded in me all at once, and there wasn't anything to be done but wait for it to end. I guarantee you, those moments scared me more than they did the people witnessing it. Thats why I try so hard to control it I think.

The fact it's so unusual is probably why it's even scarier to them. They must think they screwed up BIG time. I had a brother like that, when I got him angry I'd feel scared for an entire week!, never mess with the calm people they're the scariest ones.

[CandieBoo]

For INTJs:
Have you ever been angered before? Why? What was it like?
Yes, but rarely do I get angry. I got mad when someone threw me in a puddle, put me in a head lock and bit my head which created one giant bump. I guess my head is pretty hard since there was no visable broken skin. So I grabbed my keys from my purse and punched him in the mouth while holding them ... result: his tooth pierced through his upper lip and went into shock. To be honest, I was the one that was shocked since I got bit by a "human"... Strange things tend to come my way.
How will INTJs show anger? How do you do it?
Well, other than that one time... I don't think I really show anger. It's always deep frustration. But to deal with it, I start thinking of elaborate plans of ridding my obstacles.
How long did it lasted? Did you regret it?
My anger don't usually last for more than 1 day. Although I am still angry about being bit by a human. It's more that I'm angry at the fact that there are actually people like that on earth. Depressing.

[SurlyAdam]

I rarely get angry, at least not outwardly. It could also be that I just don't express it the way most do or would expect. It just seems irrational and such a useless waste of energy to have an outburst. I will eventually get angry if someone keeps pushing, and then I'll really let go. But it takes a lot. I'm usually pretty calm. If I see a problem, I'd rather look for a solution than express my displeasures at length.

I think people get confused if you don't get angry over something others would. I've even had people accuse me of being angry and say something like, "I know you, Adam. This is you being angry."