NT tips for lasting relationship

[sakuraba]

...helpppppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeee

[Priam]

Pony. The fuck. Up! Don't use T as an excuse for not doing what someone needs you to do, or pretending you don't bloody well know what that is. Mind-readers we may not be, but don't play dumb. If a significant other needs to hear "I love you" fifty times a day, well, they might need to consider reducing the amount but we need to consider at least saying it twenty-five times. Maybe we don't need it, but our wants and needs are not another's.

[wedekit]

Well, I see that only one person has responded so far, so I'll contribute a little.

1. Remember that relationships require sacrifices from both sides. If you care about them, then let the petty stuff go.
2. If you're dating an F, try to put their reasoning into perspective. Don't try to apply your logic to try and rationalize their feelings, because it doesn't work like that. It makes them feel like your trying to make them look stupid.
3. Find a common hobby that you can both share.
4. Don't try and speak when you are both angry. Just leave the room and cool off. Something you say in a moment of passion can ruin everything.

There you go, there is some basics to get you started. I'm not going to try and give you NT specific things since I'm not one. The one thing I would watch out for, though, is trying to rationalize things that are not meant to be rationalized. I'll leave that open for interpretation.

[LadyJaye]

Originally Posted by Priam

Pony. The fuck. Up! Don't use T as an excuse for not doing what someone needs you to do, or pretending you don't bloody well know what that is. Mind-readers we may not be, but don't play dumb. If a significant other needs to hear "I love you" fifty times a day, well, they might need to consider reducing the amount but we need to consider at least saying it twenty-five times. Maybe we don't need it, but our wants and needs are not another's.

This is poetry, my friend. And sums it all up quite tidily as well, I must say.

[lbloom]

Originally Posted by Priam

Pony. The fuck. Up! Don't use T as an excuse for not doing what someone needs you to do, or pretending you don't bloody well know what that is. Mind-readers we may not be, but don't play dumb. If a significant other needs to hear "I love you" fifty times a day, well, they might need to consider reducing the amount but we need to consider at least saying it twenty-five times. Maybe we don't need it, but our wants and needs are not another's.

Yes. But I feel compelled to add: because you want to, and because he or she remembers to do the same for your needs.

It is important not to slide into doing this as a recipe just because it is the norm or the thing that people do. If you do, the lash-back from the occasional slip-up can leave you feeling deeply dehumanized.

[Priam]

Originally Posted by lbloom

Yes. But I feel compelled to add: because you want to, and because he or she remembers to do the same for your needs.

It is important not to slide into doing this as a recipe just because it is the norm or the thing that people do. If you do, the lash-back from the occasional slip-up can leave you feeling deeply dehumanized.

Absolutely! Part of being in a relationship should be wanting it! Doing things purely from habit or obligation can carry things for short periods, and honestly might occassionally happen (we all get overwhelmed and stressed), but over the long term we need to want the result even if we purely tolerate the action...

Example: Because I love and wish to remain with person A, and person A loves to have my company at parties, I must tolerate at least the occassional event without too much complaint because I know it makes them happy.

Two things I see happen that insert flaws into this formula are:

- The aforementioned doing it out of obligation or not wanting to rock the boat. Intent matters! Apathy is a cruel mistress, even when it manifests in conforming to another's wishes, and eventually the lack of caring shows up.

- Doing something but inflicting consequences/strings - Either you go to the party and sulk the whole time, hoping never to be asked back, or it turns into a quid pro quo. The first actively hurts your loved one, while the second turns an act of devotion into a business deal.

[developer]

Relationships are not about being right (hard as that might be for an NT... )

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by developer

Relationships are not about being right (hard as that might be for an NT... )

I can't think of a more true statement concerning relationships....and NTs.