How can you tell...

[girlnamedbless]

...when an INTJ is in love with you?
...or if they're just really, really sick and leading you on?

[nottaprettygal]

If they continually want to be around you, then they like you. If they never initiate contact, then they don't.

[Apollonian]

Good question. I imagine that would be difficult to discern.

One thing is for certain: If an INTJ is being overtly emotional in non-verbal ways (body language, hugging, etc) that is probably a good sign that they are intentionally trying to manipulate you in some way.

If, however, the INTJ is authentically explaining himself in a way which is logically consistent, that is usually a good sign.

Have you read or seen Pride and Prejudice? Look at Mr. Darcy as an example of an INTJs courtship. He is an anachronism, though, so he isn't the epitome anymore.

If you really want to test him, ask him a question about how he feels when he isn't paying attention and see how he reacts. If he is leading you on, he will probably have some sort of canned response. If he has to stop and think about it, it is probably a good sign.

Another thing to watch out for is that INTJs tend to have a much longer "gestation period" for romance. It takes us longer to figure out how we really feel about something, but when we figure it out the feelings tend to be strong and steadfast, fortified by our logical resolve.

However, when it comes to "leading people on", it is all too easy to exercise this quickly while ignoring emotions alltogether, even while "expressing" false emotions on the surface.

In the end, I would say err on the side of assuming that he is leading you on. At best, you will avoid a predator, and at worst you will win him over even more by playing hard to get (until you are certain of his intentions and true feelings).

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by girlnamedbless

...when an INTJ is in love with you?
...or if they're just really, really sick and leading you on?

I do not know ANY INTJs or any NTs for that matter that are dishonest. My closest INTJ is honest...to a fault. If he says he is in love with you, I would believe him.
Now...I have an ex-boyfriend who is an INTP....and he lies like there is no truth. But I think the "J" factor...makes INTJs truthful. I have also read that INTJs are among the most anti-social....so I would imagine that he wouldn't bother saying anything to you....if he DIDN'T love you.

[MX5]

If an INTJ talks to you about something that is near and dear to their heart (i.e. opens up about something), then they like you. If an INTJ asks you what you think about something and then actually listens to what you have to say, then they respect you. If an INTJ actually takes your advice, then they probably consider you their soul-mate. If an INTJ prefaces a statement with "I've never told anyone this before", then he considers you the love of his life and you will never be rid of him - even if you dump him and never see him again, you will be in his heart forever.

Scary, huh?

[girlnamedbless]

Originally Posted by Apollonian

Good question. I imagine that would be difficult to discern.

One thing is for certain: If an INTJ is being overtly emotional in non-verbal ways (body language, hugging, etc) that is probably a good sign that they are intentionally trying to manipulate you in some way.

If, however, the INTJ is authentically explaining himself in a way which is logically consistent, that is usually a good sign.

Have you read or seen Pride and Prejudice? Look at Mr. Darcy as an example of an INTJs courtship. He is an anachronism, though, so he isn't the epitome anymore.

If you really want to test him, ask him a question about how he feels when he isn't paying attention and see how he reacts. If he is leading you on, he will probably have some sort of canned response. If he has to stop and think about it, it is probably a good sign.

Another thing to watch out for is that INTJs tend to have a much longer "gestation period" for romance. It takes us longer to figure out how we really feel about something, but when we figure it out the feelings tend to be strong and steadfast, fortified by our logical resolve.

However, when it comes to "leading people on", it is all too easy to exercise this quickly while ignoring emotions alltogether, even while "expressing" false emotions on the surface.

In the end, I would say err on the side of assuming that he is leading you on. At best, you will avoid a predator, and at worst you will win him over even more by playing hard to get (until you are certain of his intentions and true feelings).

So wait, INTJs DO like it when the other person plays hard to get?

[girlnamedbless]

Originally Posted by armstrongvk12

I do not know ANY INTJs or any NTs for that matter that are dishonest. My closest INTJ is honest...to a fault. If he says he is in love with you, I would believe him.
Now...I have an ex-boyfriend who is an INTP....and he lies like there is no truth. But I think the "J" factor...makes INTJs truthful. I have also read that INTJs are among the most anti-social....so I would imagine that he wouldn't bother saying anything to you....if he DIDN'T love you.

Hmm, let's just say he hasn't said it but has hinted at it. But then again, I can't decide if all of this hinting is true or just a mind game.

[Apollonian]

Originally Posted by armstrongvk12

I have also read that INTJs are among the most anti-social....

Unfortunately, people often misunderstand what it means to be "anti-social". Anti-social personality disorder is much more serious than simply being unsociable or reclusive. In extreme cases, anti-social behavior can lead to active manipulation and criminal behavior. As such, it depends on the person. Some INTJs are honest, genuine, and shining becons of intellectual self-assurance, despite their tendency to refrain from common social activity. Other INTJs are maladjusted, troubled, predators who manipulate others (all too easily) to their own gain, actively participating in relationships which they know are just a means to an end.

I'd like to think of myself as the former 'good' sort, and my track records shows as much, but I recognize within myself that potential for evil which I see expressed (though rarely) by some others.

I don't mean to sound grim, but I feel responsible for warning people who might fall right into situations with INTJs which may cause a lot of pain, often inadvertently.

[Apollonian]

Originally Posted by girlnamedbless

So wait, INTJs DO like it when the other person plays hard to get?

Well, let me put it this way. Don't play "hard to get" in the sense of feigning emotion that you don't have. Always be genuine. I'm simply saying that, as an ESFJ, you are more likely to express your emotions freely when INTJs do not. So, it is good to "level the playing field" so to speak. Give the INTJ something to work for and if he really likes you (unless he is shy), he will definitely pursue you. But if you express your interest in him too freely, it is too easy for an INTJ to just play along without really understanding what he feels. I have seen this dynamic again and again, and it can have a tendency to cause Feeling types a lot of pain when the INTJ finally comes to express that he does not feel the same way after having already established a flirtatious relationship.

Bottom line: Give the INTJ an opportunity to express himself in thoughts and words, which requires toning down the emotional charge of your interaction long enough to get the truth out of him.

But then again, what do I know? Hopefully my experience is useful, despite its inevitable fallibility.

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by Apollonian

Unfortunately, people often misunderstand what it means to be "anti-social". Anti-social personality disorder is much more serious than simply being unsociable or reclusive. In extreme cases, anti-social behavior can lead to active manipulation and criminal behavior. As such, it depends on the person. Some INTJs are honest, genuine, and shining becons of intellectual self-assurance, despite their tendency to refrain from common social activity. Other INTJs are maladjusted, troubled, predators who manipulate others (all too easily) to their own gain, actively participating in relationships which they know are just a means to an end.

I'd like to think of myself as the former 'good' sort, and my track records shows as much, but I recognize within myself that potential for evil which I see expressed (though rarely) by some others.

I don't mean to sound grim, but I feel responsible for warning people who might fall right into situations with INTJs which may cause a lot of pain, often inadvertently.

I concur completely! I wasn't referring to the diagnosis of "anti-social," just the more reclusive type of man. My INTJ friend is someone I dated previously....and I still have a great fondness for. I really am not a strong ENTJ, but his "homebody" ways...were too much for me. So our relationship could not continue in that realm.
PS My INTJ friend...did "prey" on women when he was younger. Now that he is older, I don't think that he can be bothered with the whole thing. Thanks for clarifying....I'm sure you're the good sort...or you wouldn't have told us all about the "bad" sort.