ENTJs & stress

[Noel]

My girlfriend is exhibiting signs of mental/physical stress. She has been experiencing feelings of nausea, difficulty in both sleeping and eating and can't seem to get rid of her anxiety towards the future. Her anxiety being: Where am I going to live and with whom?, am I going to be able to pay off my loans?, where am I going to find a new job?, will they call me back and hire me?

Certainly these are common concerns but the one in italics at the moment has literally consumed her life. She applied for a state directorial childcare service and has been notified that they would like to interview her again. They are going to interview her next Wednesday and then she'll know on the following Monday after that her status with them.

I suggested to her that whilst I understand your desire to succeed/have a good career, your anxiety is making you miss out on the present: a clean apartment, sending her computer off to get fixed, hanging out, me.

I ran an experiment to see if it was anxiety/stress related by distracting her using methods such as kissing her, talking to her, touching her, etc. She reacted normal, normal as in herself, but as soon as silence or inaction occurred, within minutes, I could see that she was going back into her head and feelings of nausea, stress/anxiety, weakness would overcome her. Fortunately, she isn't (and hopefully, never will) dependent on me. Dependent, in the sense that she can not function without me.

Focusing on present, coupled with a mutual suggestion of starting a list and slowly tackling it one day at a time seems to alleviate things (for the moment?)?


So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

[Maverick]

Originally Posted by Noel

So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

[Noel]

First off, Maverick, you rock.

Originally Posted by Maverick

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

For the first time in her life, she feels as if she is no longer in control. Her life was so structured before e.g. Go to school (out of state), go to internship, study, exams, go back home (in state), repeat. She has the "not give a fuck" attitude when it comes to being honest towards other people, but as you suggested, I don't think she is honest with herself in regards to what's realistic.

Originally Posted by Maverick

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

She works with kids and teaches them healthy lifestyles, which includes meditation. I think she wants to try meditation. Hmm, peace of mind from an TeNi perspective - fascinating. This is good stuff.

Originally Posted by Maverick

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

Wow, I may have to reiterate this quote to her if you don't mind. This is fantastic. I'm about to see The Winter's Tale with her in a few minutes, so I'll let you know how this goes. Again, I appreciate the great (quick) response.

[GirlAmerica]

My best friend is an ENTJ, diagnosed with cancer. She is mortified and now living like she is dying and making matters so much worse. It is horrible to watch. She is making herself physically sick over it....and it is distracting her from what she needs to do to be positive in tackling it.
It is making the entire experience a nightmare for all involved, including the medical staff. She is using horribly strong language, is very graphic and just down right freaking mean sometimes.

It makes it difficult to want to call her sometimes, no matter how much I care or how much I love her.

[sakuraba]

i dont getr very stressed

[LadyJaye]

Originally Posted by Maverick

It's a developmental issue in ENTJ's. It's important for them to learn what to "let go" of. She needs to realize that you cannot always change your environment. The only thing you can always do is change yourself and your perception of things. A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck".

She needs to realize that her behavior is a style that has been used for her to feel good about herself and have peace of mind. She can also access other styles that will enable her to arrive to the same peace of mind. Meditation and relaxation techniques help.

I ask myself when faced with a situation "can I realistically do something about it?". If not, I generally do not care or think about it and just let it slide away. It's a great feeling. It's an exchange of the feeling of controlling the situation with the feeling of controlling yourself.

This is very profound advice. My best friend, an ENTJ, gets wild around the eyes when she feels like she can't control anything that's going on around her, and she hasn't completely learned how to dissiminate between issues that are worth asserting rightness over and which she needs to let go of. She tells me frequently that she can't tear her mind away from the situation that's tormenting her until she's fixed it somehow.

I'd like to add, though, that everyone can have stress and anxiety about the future, because it's all uncharted terrain, and that can be a very daunting concept sometimes. Do you think she would be amenable to anxiety counseling of some kind? I had significant stress after I was diagnosed with lupus, but it felt natural for me to lean toward meditation and "letting go", and I know that with NT's, the concept of letting go in and of itself can be horrifying.

[Noel]

Though it maybe a bit premature to she how she acts overtime, she seems much more relaxed in general and found your advice quite helpful, Maverick. Again, I greatly appreciate your insight.


(We) Thank you.

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by Noel

My girlfriend is exhibiting signs of mental/physical stress. She has been experiencing feelings of nausea, difficulty in both sleeping and eating and can't seem to get rid of her anxiety towards the future. Her anxiety being: Where am I going to live and with whom?, am I going to be able to pay off my loans?, where am I going to find a new job?, will they call me back and hire me?

Certainly these are common concerns but the one in italics at the moment has literally consumed her life. She applied for a state directorial childcare service and has been notified that they would like to interview her again. They are going to interview her next Wednesday and then she'll know on the following Monday after that her status with them.

I suggested to her that whilst I understand your desire to succeed/have a good career, your anxiety is making you miss out on the present: a clean apartment, sending her computer off to get fixed, hanging out, me.

I ran an experiment to see if it was anxiety/stress related by distracting her using methods such as kissing her, talking to her, touching her, etc. She reacted normal, normal as in herself, but as soon as silence or inaction occurred, within minutes, I could see that she was going back into her head and feelings of nausea, stress/anxiety, weakness would overcome her. Fortunately, she isn't (and hopefully, never will) dependent on me. Dependent, in the sense that she can not function without me.

Focusing on present, coupled with a mutual suggestion of starting a list and slowly tackling it one day at a time seems to alleviate things (for the moment?)?


So my question to ENTJs: how do you deal with anxiety in the form of not being able to control a situation?

Some of your suggestions are GREAT! I find exercising DAILY to be helpful. I will also read, watch movies and/or work on the computer to take my mind off worries. Since NTs are in their heads...you can't really shut that part off. So if she makes a list of things that need to be completed (as you stated previously)...and just do one thing per hour...or every time a commercial comes on the TV?? That way...she is being productive....and can still be in her head. Some of what you're saying actually sounds like it is age related issues...since she isn't established and is worrying. Much of this will work itself out...as she ages. Hope everything worked out!

[miked277]

Originally Posted by Maverick

A skill all ENTJ's need to learn is to "not give a fuck"

hrm, i may be able to help them w/ this specific skill. i've had years of practice and first hand experience

[hotmale]

I've noticed with my ENTJ sister that during the times when she is particularly stressed, she tends to go out more and hang out with her friends instead of burying herself in her work.