INTJ Turn Ons

[burymecloser]

Sorry I'm late to the ball with an answer.

INTJs are good at stuff. We usually have a couple areas of expertise. If you can find out what they are, show interest in one of them and acknowledge his expertise. It frequently goes unnoticed, probably because it's untraditional or kept to oneself. But a lot has gone into building that expertise, and having it recognized is immensely gratifying. That will grab his attention, I assure you.

SecantSquared and Ace are right, though, that you musn't feign knowledge you don't have. Few things are more annoying than people pretending to know things they don't. But if you show interest, stay honest, ask a few questions and show appreciation for the responses, you'll definitely pique his attention.

Originally Posted by Lohengrin

Do INTJs prefer to be the pursuer or the pursued? I'd like to hear from INTJs themselves or SOs to INTJs. Just curious.

Speaking for myself, I would definitely say pursued. We may not pick up on it right away, but INTJs are so prone to overthinking that we may never get around to pursuing even if we're interested.

Originally Posted by chasingAJ

IMO, the biggest thing is that you have to engage them on an intellectual level. My SO got nerdy with me, laughed at my nerdy jokes (you don't have to laugh but if I don't have to s-l-o-w things down for you, you're good). Don't talk about something you don't know squat about like you know what you're talking about, seriously. Just, Don't.

This response (including the longer part I've clipped off) rings very true to me. I notice the actual INTJs responding to this thread almost invariably are repeating the "don't pretend to know things" bit. It pisses us off.

I think your best shot (other than blowing him away physically) is to talk about what he's interested in. I know that's probably true for everyone, but I suspect a lot more so for INTJs. Acknowledging his strengths will set you apart from most people.

Are you still trying to make this man's heart orgasm? It's been almost a month since the thread started, you should let us know how it's going. I'd hate to think we're talking to an empty room now.

[Edgar]

Originally Posted by Little Linguist

YAY. That proves it. I'm an ESXJ. Seriously, that has very little to do with it. I'm sure Edgar had his reasons.

My reason is that I'm a closet SJ. If you met me in real life, you would know. I wear neatly pressed khakis to work and I like to lament about the past with my colleagues.

[simulatedworld]

Originally Posted by Edgar

My reason is that I'm a closet SJ. If you met me in real life, you would know. I wear neatly pressed khakis to work and I like to lament about the past with my colleagues.

You are hereby alienated from typologycentral. Have fun being an outcast.

[Edgar]

Originally Posted by simulatedworld

You are hereby alienated from typologycentral. Have fun being an outcast.

*sigh* ... well, all good things come to an end...

Something else to lament about with my co-workers.

[Thessaly]

Originally Posted by burymecloser

Are you still trying to make this man's heart orgasm? It's been almost a month since the thread started, you should let us know how it's going. I'd hate to think we're talking to an empty room now.

It's going well. A lot of the stuff in this thread is helping me make sense of our interactions. I take a strong interest in his interests and perhaps that is one of the reasons we click. I can really get him talking and I feel as though I contribute to the conversations well. My concern is that he seems to maintain this weird power imbalance between us. I came across this blog post and it totally reminds me of him:

Overcoming Bias : Status Audit

He takes part in almost all those high status behaviors and it makes me feel less connected to him....less equal.

[aphrodite-gone-awry]

Originally Posted by Thessaly

It's going well. A lot of the stuff in this thread is helping me make sense of our interactions. I take a strong interest in his interests and perhaps that is one of the reasons we click. I can really get him talking and I feel as though I contribute to the conversations well. My concern is that he seems to maintain this weird power imbalance between us. I came across this blog post and it totally reminds me of him:

Overcoming Bias : Status Audit

He takes part in almost all those high status behaviors and it makes me feel less connected to him....less equal.

*cough* *eh hum* *nf butting in*

Thessaly, I am curious to hear more about how it's going. It sounds like you are a good listener, and that he likes that. How are you two together? What do you like about him? What does he like about you?

I had a look at that article/blog you linked and I gotta say, I wouldn't hinge too much on that. I do many of the high-status behaviors, low-status behaviors, raising other people's status behaviors, and have been guilty of lowering others' status, according to this chart. Yet that doesn't really say much about how I am as a person or how I am in a relationship.

If you are investigating this, it might be a red flag that you are uncomfortable with the "power imbalance" between you.

Exhibit A:

A. High-status behaviors

1. Having no visible reaction to what the other person said.
2. Speaking in complete sentences.
3. Talking matter-of-factly about things that the other person finds displeasing or offensive.
4. Speaking authoritatively, with certainty.
5. Giving or withholding permission.
6. Evaluating other people’s work.
7. Speaking cryptically.
8. Being surrounded by an entourage.

B. Low-status behaviors

1. Speaking in halting, incomplete sentences.
2. Dancing around your words when talking about something that will displease the other person.
3. Shouting as an attempt to intimidate the other person.
4. Adjusting the way you say something to help the other person understand.

C. Raising another person’s status

1. Be laughed at by them. … laughing with them at someone else.
2. Ask their opinion about something.
3. Ask them for advice or help.
4. Express gratitude for something they did.
5. Apologize to them for something you did.
6. Agree that they are right and you were wrong.
7. Defer to their judgement without requiring proof.
8. Address them with a fancy title or honorific.
9. Downplay your own achievement or attribute in comparison to theirs.
10. Do something incompetent in front of them and then apologize.
11. Mention a failure or shortcoming of your own.
12. Compliment them in a way that suggests appreciation, not judgement.
13. Obey them unquestioningly.
14. Wait for them.

I couldn't help but and about the following as it regards this forum though. Everyone should read this. Myself included:

D. Lowering another person’s status

1. Laugh at them. (Not with them.)
2. Criticize something they did.
3. Contradict them. Tell them they are wrong. Prove it with facts and logic.
4. Correct them.
5. Insult them.
6. Give them unsolicited advice.
7. Approve or disapprove of something they did or some attribute of theirs.
8. Shout at them.
9. Ignore what they said and talk about something else.
10. One-up them. E.g. have a worse problem … a greater past achievement.
11. Announce something good about yourself or something you did.
12. Disregard their opinion.
13. Talk sarcastically to them.
14. Make them wait for you.
15. Taunt them. Tease them.

[Orobas]

well, I was going to just contribute something useless, like

"Do INTJs like it when you nibble on their lips gently? What about when little kisses on their ear lobes? kiss/lick the little nooks and crannies on their neck?"

alas the high/low post is interesting. It just sounds like a split between Te and Fe behaviors. Te will be direct and confrontational-although an INTJ wont be to the same degree as an ENTJ.

Fe users-even EXTPs are not directly confrontational once Fe kicks in. Thus they will exhibit more of the low status behaviors, but in reality the action is behind the scenes. ENTPs are superb at politics. It isnt about being the overtly dominant member-more a game of one-upmanship.

I'd suggest you are just seeing a very natural aspect of your INTJ using Te. Recognize it isnt personal against you, it's just how he thinks. (Wait-your INTJ is surrounded by an entourage??) It wouldn't surprise me if it actually feels dominating/pedantic in his mannerisms which you may translate into superiority. Be realistic and recognize you are reading into it a bit-like most people do. If he gets really pedantic, I find an NeFi bunny roll of insanity can lighten things up a bit.

Is the INTJ more logical and dominant than you? yes. INTJs are natural drivers. It's just innate biology. Dont get offended by it, just recognize he likely doesnt mean to hurt your feelings or offend you. Have you directly asked him about specific things he does?

[Thessaly]

Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry

*cough* *eh hum* *nf butting in*

Thessaly, I am curious to hear more about how it's going. It sounds like you are a good listener, and that he likes that. How are you two together? What do you like about him? What does he like about you?

I had a look at that article/blog you linked and I gotta say, I wouldn't hinge too much on that. I do many of the high-status behaviors, low-status behaviors, raising other people's status behaviors, and have been guilty of lowering others' status, according to this chart. Yet that doesn't really say much about how I am as a person or how I am in a relationship.

If you are investigating this, it might be a red flag that you are uncomfortable with the "power imbalance" between you.

Exhibit A:


I couldn't help but and about the following as it regards this forum though. Everyone should read this. Myself included:

What do I like about him? *gushes* to begin with...

His fondness for dispelling bullshit, his no-nonsense sentimentality, his imposing intensity and indifference to social exile, the facial expressions he makes as the gears shift in his head, his seductive prowess and sexual palette (o.m.g), the self-assured energy he emits, his hidden world, his tolerance for my rinse-repeat mania, the fact that he doesn't just peer into my soul, but walks in, takes a look around, and still pursues me with sheer determination...shall I go on? We complement each other perfectly. I open his heart, he opens my mind.

What does he like about me?

He doesn't like revealing this sort of information to me, because he's a control freak with a penchant for manipulation, but he has told me I'm brilliant, beautiful, compassionate, and...brilliant. I think his rational nature thrives on my ambiguity...as if my paradoxical nature eludes his interpretation at times.

We seem to have this unspoken understanding of one another. He connects into me like a plug into an electrical socket and I surge with his transformational energy. He is so...inspiring. Our opposite temperaments create an exciting tension. He fills my mental space and I draw him out of his serious exterior. He stirs me in a way I cannot explain, and it has nothing to do with superficialities.

And would you believe an INTJ could compete with my uber romantic nature? Such a worthy opponent he is. Feels like I am competing in the romantic Olympics! He can be so poetic in just speaking with me. He once said my ambiance was intoxicating *sighs*

oh dear...I seem to have gotten carried away. I guess he just has what I need and never seem to find in another. I think another part of it is that he contrasts all the negative traits my previous ENFJ had who tore a hole in my heart.

[Thessaly]

Originally Posted by Happy Puppy

well, I was going to just contribute something useless, like

"Do INTJs like it when you nibble on their lips gently? What about when little kisses on their ear lobes? kiss/lick the little nooks and crannies on their neck?"

alas the high/low post is interesting. It just sounds like a split between Te and Fe behaviors. Te will be direct and confrontational-although an INTJ wont be to the same degree as an ENTJ.

Fe users-even EXTPs are not directly confrontational once Fe kicks in. Thus they will exhibit more of the low status behaviors, but in reality the action is behind the scenes. ENTPs are superb at politics. It isnt about being the overtly dominant member-more a game of one-upmanship.

I'd suggest you are just seeing a very natural aspect of your INTJ using Te. Recognize it isnt personal against you, it's just how he thinks. (Wait-your INTJ is surrounded by an entourage??) It wouldn't surprise me if it actually feels dominating/pedantic in his mannerisms which you may translate into superiority. Be realistic and recognize you are reading into it a bit-like most people do. If he gets really pedantic, I find an NeFi bunny roll of insanity can lighten things up a bit.

Is the INTJ more logical and dominant than you? yes. INTJs are natural drivers. It's just innate biology. Dont get offended by it, just recognize he likely doesnt mean to hurt your feelings or offend you. Have you directly asked him about specific things he does?

haha! No. That was perhaps the one exception on that list.

[hermeticdancer]

Originally Posted by Mitzy

guys like bitches. nice is boring

that is not true. kindness is great, when it is genuine. being snarky and sarcastic all the time is boring and easy...