How do you deal with unreliable people?

[fill]

Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?

[tinkerbell]

bug the hell out of me...

But I tend to give them a change but I have limited patiences, I will eventually give up or lower my expectations because people don't really change.

At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.

Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....

[Robert165]

i dont think there is any way you can

[Fluffywolf]

I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them.

[fill]

At the end of the day it boils down to if you value them or not.... if you value them you will take more crap or manouver around them... if not the realtionship will slowly break away.

Yeah, I think that's it. I don't like to think in a black and white fashion, but this may be one of the cases where it benefits to do so.

Can you get someone who is unreliable to be reliable... NO....

Exactly.

i dont think there is any way you can

Should I take the easy way out?

[tinkerbell]

be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them... we need all sorts in our life... functional relationship that are reliable, and colourful ones that are largely entertainement and decorative... You're a whole person with lots of facets, not eveone needs to be functionally viable to be valuable as a realtionship... just don't ask them to bank cheques or put your rent cheque to your land lord...

[Fluffywolf]

The only way I know off to make any person more reliable than he or she is, is to go totally apeshit on their emotional grounds. Crushing them so badly that they will have to give it serious thought. And consider possible change. But this is dangerous and may not cause the results you had wished for!

Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable. Taking away their choice (Either through concrete means = don't rely on them anymore, or through bombardment of their consciousness) is the only method.

[highlander]

Specifically if they've shown signs of reliability in the past then starting becoming really flaky?

If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.

[fill]

be patient, and don't place too many expectations on them...

This is something I've definitely tried to do. I've stopped expecting things- but over time I do start to expect things if people are consistent. I think this is my version of "trust."

Seriously though, people are reliable because they choose to be reliable.

Definitely- which is why it can be so frustrating.

If it is someone where there is a change (they were reliable and suddenly becoming unreliable and it is a problem), I usually talk to them to find out what is going on or is bothering them. Examples of things I've seen in these situations - they're under a lot of stress and/or over-stretched, depression, there was something that happened where they got pissed off at me or something is going on in their personal life.

That's true too. I try not to make too many assumptions- and I'm not going crazy if someone who usually comes through cancels a plan with me once in a while. But if I see a pattern of 'deterioration' in how reliable they are, I start to become a little suspicious.

I don't tend to rely on other people, period. I suppose I don't have to deal with them.

I wish I had the INTP, "I can have way more fun without people!" power you seem to hold.

[kyuuei]

Someone normally reliable that isn't at the time: It could be a temporary change (like something going on at home, or life has gotten hectic for them, etc.) or an indication of stress/emotional strain. They could have something going on you're unaware of..

Outside of that, I handle them the way I do most people: I distance myself.