INTJ Intimidation

Metamorphosis · 09-20-2007, 03:02 AM

What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.?

I use to think that it was my dry humor and sarcasm, but I've had waitresses stop in their tracks on the way to the table and then say something to the extent of, "Why are you looking at me like you hate me," when all I did was glance in their direction. This hasn't been an issue in awhile really, but I still find it interesting.

Usehername · 09-20-2007, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.?

I use to think that it was my dry humor and sarcasm, but I've had waitresses stop in their tracks on the way to the table and then say something to the extent of, "Why are you looking at me like you hate me," when all I did was glance in their direction. This hasn't been an issue in awhile really, but I still find it interesting.

my grandma always thinks I'm depressed when i'm around her and not smiling. it's such a chore to change your natural face-state. you'd think she'd learn after ten billion, "no, grandma i'm feeling fine!" responses, but it gets annoying.

i think i can be intimidating because i hide my weaknesses, which with my well-roundedness in music/athletics/academics makes me look perfect from afar. (i'm nowhere close to perfect, but i have competent specialties in pretty much every broad area of life, so when i hide the areas where i'm weak, it looks like i have just pwned life.)

JivinJeffJones · 09-20-2007, 03:09 AM

It's the dead NT eyes.

Arandur · 09-20-2007, 03:22 AM

This is something I've been wondering for a long time. On multiple occasions (mostly at my job) I'll give someone crossing my path a casual glance, and they'll look at me fearfully and say "sorry!". Also, I've been asked by co-workers why I hate them, when I've barely had any interaction with them.

I didn't think I gave off such a mean aura

Wolf · 09-20-2007, 03:25 AM

I do, too, even though I'm nothing but fluffy clouds and playful kittens inside.

Usehername · 09-20-2007, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolf

I do, too, even though I'm nothing but fluffy clouds and playful kittens inside.

lol

Recoleta · 09-20-2007, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.?

In my experience with my one good INTJ friend I think he initially seems really stand-offish and aloof because he hardly ever lets people see him for who he is. He keeps a lot to himself and is not big on self-disclosure...it literally took years for him to talk about himself on a personal level. Also, he is terrible at initiating and maintaining communication with people. It seems he could go months without speaking to people (even his best friends) and that doesn't bother him at all. Is it really that hard to pick up the phone every once in awhile and simply say, "Hey, how are ya?" I think just for those 2 reasons alone INTJ's are hard to get to know.

Also, there really is something about the general facial expression that INTJ's have. My friend almost always has a serious look on his face, and his eyes are very piercing...I think one article I read on INTJ's said something like, "You feel as if they can see right through you" and I'd say that can be really accurate at times. Although, when he is really happy you can see a visible joy in his eyes...and goodness gracious, is it ever attractive

Helfeather · 09-20-2007, 04:24 AM

It's the blank observing eyes...

Mendacity · 09-20-2007, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

I've had waitresses stop in their tracks on the way to the table and then say something to the extent of, "Why are you looking at me like you hate me," when all I did was glance in their direction.

I've had the same experience and I always thought it was just me. I always thought I just had a weird face whose expression didn't seem to match what I was thinking or feeling very well.

Aside from appearances though, people tell me that they were intimidated when they first met me because I came across as very knowledgeable and well spoken. And because I acted kind of like I didn't like them and didn't want to get to know them, which isn't the case.
Truthfully, it's because I'm really shy and I've learned that a lot of people think I'm kind of weird (which is, I think, common among INTJs), so I don't want to say anything too strange.
Another part of it, I am told, is that I come across as very smart and knowledgeable... which is great, but I am aware of the fact that I can just as easily come off as a know-it-all... which is just another reason for keeping quiet.

It's interesting that there seems to be a disconnect between what's on our faces and what's in our heads though. Can anyone shed some more light on this?

Rohsiph · 09-20-2007, 06:15 AM

This has been rather distressing for me in certain moments. I have overcome much adolescent shyness, yet still find myself at a distance from most people as far as "breaking the ice." My consistent justification is that I am quite capable of introducing myself to someone I am intensely interested in, but it is an exceptionally rare circumstance when a stranger will appear so intriguing to me. Thus, I leave it up to everyone else to introduce themselves to me--after which point, in the just-as-rare case that someone says "hello," I am capable of sharing just about anything about myself.

I've never understood why so many people seem to find me to be intimidating. It is certainly no longer the case (for some years now) that I am actively trying to intimidate people. Yet, the problem seems to persist . . .

I think Usehername pointed out something rather important, as I suppose I also seem to hide my weaknesses--such that I have gone out of my way to ask some of my friends, in rather weak moments, to point out to me what my weaknesses are, and I have never gained any helpful insight from trying this, so I am now convinced that I must just be really good at hiding my incompetencies.

Yet, I wonder if this is it--so much is said about confidence being an attractive quality . . . and when one is intimidated, is it not often because of a perceived aggressive confidence? I've given this topic a lot of thought over the years, since long before I came across type-theory . . . and still have yet to find any satisfying answer.

09-20-2007, 03:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
Metamorphosis 5w6 ^8 Join Date: May 2007 Type: INTJ Location: TEXAS! the state formerly known as a country Posts: 2,860	INTJ Intimidation What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.? I use to think that it was my dry humor and sarcasm, but I've had waitresses stop in their tracks on the way to the table and then say something to the extent of, "Why are you looking at me like you hate me," when all I did was glance in their direction. This hasn't been an issue in awhile really, but I still find it interesting. __________________ The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. - Henry David Thoreau Truths are a useless fiction. - Nietzsche Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them. - David Hume "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do."

09-20-2007, 03:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
Arandur Member Join Date: May 2007 Type: INTJ Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 69	This is something I've been wondering for a long time. On multiple occasions (mostly at my job) I'll give someone crossing my path a casual glance, and they'll look at me fearfully and say "sorry!". Also, I've been asked by co-workers why I hate them, when I've barely had any interaction with them. I didn't think I gave off such a mean aura __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

09-20-2007, 03:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
Wolf only bites when provoked Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: HPLS Location: Plant Hardiness Zone 10 or 11 Posts: 2,181	I do, too, even though I'm nothing but fluffy clouds and playful kittens inside. __________________ I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75% Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

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09-20-2007, 03:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
JivinJeffJones Middle-brow humorist Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INFP Location: Hell or Purgatory, not sure which Posts: 2,230	It's the dead NT eyes.

09-20-2007, 04:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
Helfeather Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Type: IXTX Posts: 47	It's the blank observing eyes...

09-20-2007, 06:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rohsiph Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Type: lego Posts: 100	This has been rather distressing for me in certain moments. I have overcome much adolescent shyness, yet still find myself at a distance from most people as far as "breaking the ice." My consistent justification is that I am quite capable of introducing myself to someone I am intensely interested in, but it is an exceptionally rare circumstance when a stranger will appear so intriguing to me. Thus, I leave it up to everyone else to introduce themselves to me--after which point, in the just-as-rare case that someone says "hello," I am capable of sharing just about anything about myself. I've never understood why so many people seem to find me to be intimidating. It is certainly no longer the case (for some years now) that I am actively trying to intimidate people. Yet, the problem seems to persist . . . I think Usehername pointed out something rather important, as I suppose I also seem to hide my weaknesses--such that I have gone out of my way to ask some of my friends, in rather weak moments, to point out to me what my weaknesses are, and I have never gained any helpful insight from trying this, so I am now convinced that I must just be really good at hiding my incompetencies. Yet, I wonder if this is it--so much is said about confidence being an attractive quality . . . and when one is intimidated, is it not often because of a perceived aggressive confidence? I've given this topic a lot of thought over the years, since long before I came across type-theory . . . and still have yet to find any satisfying answer.