NF and SP Friendships

[wolfy]

Getting back to the OP your friend sounds pretty flaky whatever type she is. Just be clear that she understands then leave it alone.She probably doesn't want to go but feels she should so is having a hard time saying no.

Maybe you should just cut her loose?

Although I'm a guy and all my friends are activity specific.

[sarah]

Originally Posted by soleil

I wasn't trying to categorize all ESFP's or SP's or anybody. I know everyone is an individual with different perspectives/experiences. I just wanted to put that info in there, thought it'll help.

Yeah, I don't know that it helps to pin traits like inconsiderateness on any one type. It sounds to me like your friend is self-centered and maybe doesn't realize it. Could you simply tell her in a kind way how her actions make you feel? I admit I can be pretty self-centered too. Although I recognize that in myself, I still sometimes forget about others' needs and just consider my own. When others tell me how my actions affect them, though, that changes my behavior. I really don't want to have a negative impact on others.

By the way, I have a very close friend who's an INFP who has no clue as to how inconsiderate she can be at times. We'll invite her over for dinner and she'll call a long while after she was expected to show up to say that she was feeling too stressed out by her job and wanted to stay home. So we've gone to all the trouble to make this great dinner for someone who not only doesn't feel "up to" showing up but who couldn't be bothered to call earlier to cancel. She has done this repeatedly, so that whenever we decide have her over, we usually invite other people so that if she doesn't show up, we can divide the leftover food between us all. Sometimes she calls late to cancel and other times she doesn't even bother calling, or she'll call the next day when we're at work and leave a note on our answering machine. We love this woman, and consider that this is just something we have to put up with because she's our friend. If we got mad at her for it, she'd only beat herself up for it, and she's already going to therapy for lots of other issues -- so we choose not to make it an issue.

As for SP-NF friendships, it's not only possible, it can be delightful. My best friend is my ENFJ husband.

Sarah
ISFP

[booyalab]

Originally Posted by soleil

Shouldn't friends compromise and make the best of things because of friendship???

I think in most relationships, unless you're really lucky, there's always going to be one person who cares more and compromises more than the other. You can't make someone like you enough to be the way you'd like them to be. So maybe you should accept the fact that your friend is probably going to flake out and find someone else to go with who won't.

[soleil]

You are right on about that. She is self-centered and often doesn't realize how she can make someone else feel. For a year I didn't speak to her because of how she was, but she contacted me and we started hanging out again. She tells me all the time how grateful she is that we are friends. I am her only friend. One thing I noticed about her is she NEEDS a man all the time. She can't be alone, and looks for anyone to be her boyfriend. So, when one comes her way, she doesn't know how to act. Oh, well...if she wants to talk to me she'll have to contact me. I can be so forgiving, and it sucks for me. Thanks for the advice.

Originally Posted by sarah

Yeah, I don't know that it helps to pin traits like inconsiderateness on any one type. It sounds to me like your friend is self-centered and maybe doesn't realize it. Could you simply tell her in a kind way how her actions make you feel? I admit I can be pretty self-centered too. Although I recognize that in myself, I still sometimes forget about others' needs and just consider my own. When others tell me how my actions affect them, though, that changes my behavior. I really don't want to have a negative impact on others.

By the way, I have a very close friend who's an INFP who has no clue as to how inconsiderate she can be at times. We'll invite her over for dinner and she'll call a long while after she was expected to show up to say that she was feeling too stressed out by her job and wanted to stay home. So we've gone to all the trouble to make this great dinner for someone who not only doesn't feel "up to" showing up but who couldn't be bothered to call earlier to cancel. She has done this repeatedly, so that whenever we decide have her over, we usually invite other people so that if she doesn't show up, we can divide the leftover food between us all. Sometimes she calls late to cancel and other times she doesn't even bother calling, or she'll call the next day when we're at work and leave a note on our answering machine. We love this woman, and consider that this is just something we have to put up with because she's our friend. If we got mad at her for it, she'd only beat herself up for it, and she's already going to therapy for lots of other issues -- so we choose not to make it an issue.

As for SP-NF friendships, it's not only possible, it can be delightful. My best friend is my ENFJ husband.

Sarah
ISFP

[soleil]

I agree. I think I overwhelm her a little because I'm into so many things. She doesn't really have many interests or hobbies. She likes hanging with me since I'm exciting and interesting to her. I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. All I wanted was some consideration. Text me saying you can't go! lol. I should find someone else to go with. This is weird, but I've been told by an ESFP girl that she feels like she has to compete with me. Why would she say that? I just do my own thing and would expect her to do the same thing.

Originally Posted by booyalab

I think in most relationships, unless you're really lucky, there's always going to be one person who cares more and compromises more than the other. You can't make someone like you enough to be the way you'd like them to be. So maybe you should accept the fact that your friend is probably going to flake out and find someone else to go with who won't.

[soleil]

I did flame her ass out . Thanks girly!

Originally Posted by niffer

Lol, I'm pretty sure this isn't type related. It doesn't really sound like common ESFP behaviour (they might forget, but not purposefully screen you), or any specific type's behaviour at all. Maybe P-ness at the most.

I have plenty of ESFP friends, but none that are extremely close to me (that I know of at least).

But like if you have a problem with your friend you should go flame her/bitch her out later. What's the point of being close friends if you can't tell each other how they make you feel? Tell her that next time if she decides she wants to bail out coz she doesn't wanna go, to just fuckin tell you.




=_____=

Why are you even friends?

[niffer]

^

Haha, glad to hear it.