NF and SP Friendships

[soleil]

There was no expectations. I put no pressure on her at all. I never asked her to go to any place that interested me before, but I always go to all the places she wants to go. I was stupid to even ask her, we don't even have similar interests. She likes radio and MTV music, and the music is nothing at all like that. A text saying she can't go would be perfectly fine.

Originally Posted by Rachelinpa

I can relate somewhat. The only reason I would skirt an invite like she is doing is if I feel the expectations of the other person are too high and I freak out due to the pressure. I would just ask her straight up if she wants to go or not and tell her what you told us. I agree with you that sometimes we need to make sacrifices for our friends and do things for them that we do not always enjoy. At the same time, I think it would have been different if she had simply told you that she did not want to go in the first place. I would never want someone to come to an event with me because they felt guilty or like they owed me.

[Jeffster]

Originally Posted by Athenian200

Okay, I take it back. No hard feelings?

Not yet, but you got any pics?

[soleil]

Oh no, . I had no plans like that. I was more thinking about the actual event. I didn't even think about her in the equation. I was thinking more along the lines of "I wonder how the weather will be..." "What should I wear". I wish I re-phrased everything. She is the one that likes to plan things so, that's how I was catering to her not the other way around. I express myself better in person than in writing. :-/

Originally Posted by Athenian200

That's very strange, actually. I don't really think like you do. I actually don't mind being informed that someone wants me to be at a certain place at a certain time in advance, but I really hate the idea of being expected to plan out in detail exactly how I'm going to do it, and what I'm going to need to do in order to do it, that far ahead of time (although I might think about what I'm likely to do intermittently so I'll be ready to go when it's time). That would make me feel trapped on a very narrow path, and the intensity of the expectation would likely make me so nervous that I'd blow it off just so I wouldn't have to think about it.

What's interesting is, I did something much like what you describe to an xNxP friend a while back... that is, I got freaked out when I realized all of a sudden they expected me to know a lot of exact things about how I was going to get there more than a week in advance, and it caused me to just decide not to go, even though I had wanted to when they'd asked before. I think I tend to prefer to have planned what I'm going to do and when, but asking me to commit to a plan about how would freak me out. I tend not to feel committed to plans with friends as I do with things like school or goals I've set for myself, and I don't really hold friends to tentative plans to meet me at a place, either. I just sort of expect them to understand if something else comes up that I want to do (yes, like watching a television program even), rather than demanding a commitment.

I'm an INJ (AFAIK)... and I know another INJ who complained about an ISJ they knew expecting them to have all the details and processes in time worked out ahead of time, rather than just a plan of the end result they expected in terms of location in space and time. I think it might be a bit of an Si/Ne vs. Ni/Se thing. The longer I watch types, the more evidence I see of that division being valid, although hard to discern immediately.

The most surprising thing in your story is that an ESFP wants to watch television... I always thought sitting at home watching television was more a Ni/Si thing than an SP thing??

[Lizzy1813]

Originally Posted by soleil

Lizzy, I rather not. I am not a pushy person and prefer not to bring up plans again. If she would just tell me "no" that would be perfectly fine with me. It's funny because I'm the most flexible person, if you can't or don't feel like doing something I really don't care. People usually make plans with me, and I didn't mention this, but a few years ago she said she'd meet me at some lounge and she never left the house because it was raining and didn't want to mess up her hair. I was stuck out there on my birthday soaked and alone. She would bend over backwards for a guy though. The reason I am bothered is because I don't think she is considering my feelings.

Okay, yeah, that's the way it is with me too. Me, Ms. So-Flexible-Why-Don't-You-Ever-Make-A-Decision, and my friend, Ms. Good-At-Planning-Stuff. And I typically don't mind it (rarely, though, I do...usually only then 'cause I want her to know my feelings without my telling her), so I get what you're saying. All-in-all a good team, but occasional clashes.

[Jeffster]

Originally Posted by Athenian200

Wow.

Let's see. I spend a lot of time pacing back and forth when I'm daydreaming. I often listen to a song I like over and over again several times in a row liking the effect it has on my mood, trying to get a feel for all the emotional tones in it. I often rabidly refresh the "New Posts" section of what ever message board I'm on to see if anything new has been posted. I often get really into a particular thing, like configuring my computer, playing video games, researching a particular system or topic to death, watching television, chatting on AIM... for a long time, and fixate on it for a while (like maybe the majority of my free time for several months) until I get bored and move on to something else, maybe coming back to one of them after a while, but tending to focus intently on a few of them at a time, tending to drop whichever ones I'm not as interested in at the moment.

Okay, when you are caught up in one of these activities, do you sometimes wait to go to the bathroom until your bladder and/or colon are causing you large amounts of physical pain because you don't wanna leave the computer/television/pacing area long enough to empty your system?

[niffer]

Lol, I'm pretty sure this isn't type related. It doesn't really sound like common ESFP behaviour (they might forget, but not purposefully screen you), or any specific type's behaviour at all. Maybe P-ness at the most.

I have plenty of ESFP friends, but none that are extremely close to me (that I know of at least).

But like if you have a problem with your friend you should go flame her/bitch her out later. What's the point of being close friends if you can't tell each other how they make you feel? Tell her that next time if she decides she wants to bail out coz she doesn't wanna go, to just fuckin tell you.

Originally Posted by soleil

People usually make plans with me, and I didn't mention this, but a few years ago she said she'd meet me at some lounge and she never left the house because it was raining and didn't want to mess up her hair. I was stuck out there on my birthday soaked and alone. She would bend over backwards for a guy though. The reason I am bothered is because I don't think she is considering my feelings.

=_____=

Why are you even friends?

[Googly_Eyes]

xSFPs are Ps first and Fs second.

[Jeffster]

Originally Posted by Googly_Eyes

xSFPs are Ps first and Fs second.

Hmmm...I dunno, I think mine kinda alternate which is first and which is second. Or work in tandem. I dunno. I'm pretty F'ed up, though.

[wolfy]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

Hmmm...I dunno, I think mine kinda alternate which is first and which is second. Or work in tandem. I dunno. I'm pretty F'ed up, though.

I'm so P you'd think I was hooked on meth.




SPOILER ALERT
Methamphetamines street name is P in NZ.

[Googly_Eyes]

I approve of your word (letter?) play.

Originally Posted by Jeffster

Hmmm...I dunno, I think mine kinda alternate which is first and which is second. Or work in tandem. I dunno. I'm pretty F'ed up, though.

I just mean that the S temperaments are different than the N temperaments. N temperaments are identified with the F/T preference while S temperaments are identified with the S/J preference. NFs are idealistic before they organize/drift according to their J/P whereas SPs act impulsively before they personalize/rationalize according to their F/T.

Basically, the OP shouldn't be concerned that her friend doesn't care about her because that's not what her friend's actions are saying. An SP not doing something he/she don't want to do is not something to feel insulted by.