ENFP's and Social Anxiety/Shyness...

[soleil]

Originally Posted by jurma

This thread is great. I've always had a hard time deciding if I'm an extrovert or an introvert. The ENFP descriptions always suited me spot on (while the I ones did not), that's the main reason I sticked with it, but I've always had that sort of social anxiety in some settings (mostly in environments where I don't really know many people intimately) and have needed time by myself regularly, to recharge. That ebb and flow theory of ENFPs energy is so perfectly right. I feel that all the time, I can't sustain my tremendous, legendary enthusiasm for large periods.

I'm the same as you. I can have really bad social anxiety, really bad (moderate to severe). ENFP's are the most introverted extroverts so, that could be why. I definitely need a lot of space to myself. Why do people see ENFP's as these people that are super hyper & have to chat away 24/7? I really don't like how ENFP's are profiled by people sometimes.

[Synarch]

Wait, I thought ENTP's were the most introverted extraverts?

[VanillaCat]

Nope.

[Clownmaster]

o.O I'm severely extraverted. I may have a day or two spree of sitting in my house doing nothing, but thats after weeks of constant socializing and being in the spotlight.

[Lady X]

i have my moments too...it has to do with the people in the room usually...sometimes i just get a vibe from them that tells we have nothing to talk about...or maybe it's just an odd mood?? usually i feel inappropriately comfortable with people and treat them as if i've known them for awhile....both are strange...whataya gonna do.

[Lady X]

Originally Posted by mlittrell

i relate 100%. ive said this on another thread (i forget how) but it is intuitive-in-a-sensor-environment-syndrome

wow...what a great way to put it!

i feel that way sometimes in places that are out of my element...i can pretend to be at ease and be friendly enough but i definitely feel the void...the lack of energy or connection....that's interesting.

ETA: haha...i had no idea i already replied to this topic!! and it's just ^^ up there.

[chatoyer]

Originally Posted by erinavery

i have my moments too...it has to do with the people in the room usually...sometimes i just get a vibe from them that tells we have nothing to talk about...or maybe it's just an odd mood?? usually i feel inappropriately comfortable with people and treat them as if i've known them for awhile....both are strange...whataya gonna do.

Yes! I agree, but for me I wouldn't call it social anxiety, it's more like a moment of painful self-consciousness, when I feel like I've been put on the spot in a social situation & I may feel judged or just uncomfortable revealing myself in a certain way in front of more than one person.

I think it's connected to an ENFP thing where I'm much more comfortable being in the interviewer mode, rather than revealing myself. Although it doesn't make sense-- because when someone is opening up to me, I usually like them more, even if they are talking about their flaws (it helps me understand them better, makes them more complex), but if my flaws come out, I worry that it will make me less appealing and less accepted by the person.

[Lady X]

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

[JocktheMotie]

Originally Posted by erinavery

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

Oh no...I try to get someone talking as much about themselves as I possibly can. This phase I'm just feeding on information and lining up some talking points. If you don't talk about yourself a lot at first I'm lost...

[chatoyer]

Originally Posted by erinavery

^^ oohh...right...yeah...i think i like to be the one asking the questions too! how's that work if the person you want to talk to doesn't like talking...hmm...that could be a problem huh...cuz...i don't like to yammer on about myself...i like to talk about ideas or concepts...or topics that i'm interested in...but not me...you know?

Yeah, I think that's when the awkwardness and self-consciousness sets in, when you're trying to make a connection with someone, & they're not interested in the topic, or they're not holding up their end of the conversation and the ENFP keeps trying to make a connection, & it might go into personal territory, and you feel like "oh, no, I'm coming off this way, they think I'm so weird (or some other criticism)" and then it feels unnatural and you want to get out of the conversation to protect yourself.

If the connection is good and easy, I'm distracted from the self-consciousness, and I can talk about myself, & that's when I think ENFPs are at their best because it's natural and easy and spontaneous, not hampered by that judgment (we may only imagine!) and self-consciousness.