You know you're an INFJ when...

[Evan]

Originally Posted by MrRandom

You know you're an INFJ when your words can make an INTJ cry.

LOL!

Originally Posted by Antisocial one

Give me your best shot.


(I am curious)

I can make anyone cry IRL. Just not online; not enough information. IRL I can see all of your fears and weaknesses. I hold on to the knowledge and almost never use it, but in two cases in my life, I've let go, and wow....yeah....NTs crying...

When I meet a new person, the first thing I do is try to figure them out. I need to know what they're capable of and what they aren't. It's my way of staying "safe" -- I know exactly what they could do to hurt me, so I navigate around those potential situations. A side effect is that I have this "power" over them -- I can pull their strings and they don't even know...

[violaine]

Originally Posted by dissonance

....When I meet a new person, the first thing I do is try to figure them out. I need to know what they're capable of and what they aren't. It's my way of staying "safe" -- I know exactly what they could do to hurt me, so I navigate around those potential situations. A side effect is that I have this "power" over them -- I can pull their strings and they don't even know...

This is so true. I think it's almost an involuntary process.

In fairness INTJs do cry of course, but I think they really have to care about you for it to happen.

[sade]

dissonance just wrote what I was planning to answer, but decided to deleted it because it sounded too cold hearted, despite true. I don't think I can stop the evaluation from happening.. One of the side effects is that I spot their soft spots pretty easy.

You know you're an INFJ if you can silence the whole classroom after finally getting fed up and voicing your actual opinion. And you were only planning on having a good (albeit slightly aggressive) discussion.

[toonia]

Originally Posted by dissonance

I can make anyone cry IRL. Just not online; not enough information. IRL I can see all of your fears and weaknesses. I hold on to the knowledge and almost never use it, but in two cases in my life, I've let go, and wow....yeah....NTs crying...

I don't think it takes that much insight to especially hurt people because our underlying fears tends to be shared. In the same way that public shaming works in most every case to elicit a response of humiliation, the same is true of other underlying fears. You can hurt anyone with a club, but it takes more nuanced tools to repair the damage from the clubbing. Hurting people is much easier than helping them.

I think any type is capable of hurting others if they want to badly enough. Empathy means understanding another person from their point of view. This information I suppose could make it easier to strike a central nerve, but it could also result in sharing the hurt of doing it.

I'm pretty sure I couldn't make anyone cry irl any more than anyone else could. I even have trouble disciplining when leading a group. I can't forcefully affect others without their consent. There is a wall between me and others I think, although I can make more of an impact one on one.

Originally Posted by dissonance

When I meet a new person, the first thing I do is try to figure them out. I need to know what they're capable of and what they aren't. It's my way of staying "safe" -- I know exactly what they could do to hurt me, so I navigate around those potential situations. A side effect is that I have this "power" over them -- I can pull their strings and they don't even know...

I do tend to be too self protective and withhold trust until I understand how another person operates. I never entirely conclude anything about others. Although I put effort into understanding the inner "logic" of how anyone thinks that I encounter. When they don't add up, I can obsess about it until I come up with a hypothesis that accounts for the conflicting information. But there is not anyone, including my family and intimate friends, for whom I hold any absolute conclusions about who they are. There are two reasons for this: first, at any snapshot in time an individual is deeply complex to the extent that it might not be possible for us to even know ourselves absolutely, and secondly, people are dynamic changing systems, so there is not a single conclusive definition that will stay in tact over time.

For me being an NF and analytical about the inner subjective worlds of others is the very quality that reasonably results in the need to withhold judgment on at least some level.

[Antisocial one]

dissonance just wrote what I was planning to answer, but decided to deleted it because it sounded too cold hearted, despite true. I don't think I can stop the evaluation from happening.. One of the side effects is that I spot their soft spots pretty easy.

Why do you say that something like this is cold?

[DigitalMethod]

Originally Posted by sanveane

^INFJ door slam? I know anyone can do this but it's a primary defense mechanism for INFJ. (I don't do it anymore, cos I stand up for myself all along the way.)

Well no, I would guess INTJs can deal with door slams. I mean of course it would affect them, but apathy is a good friend.

I was talking more about, feelings.

INTJs tend to, with-hold their feelings and inner self and only allow that to be seen by a select few who they know will accept and understand them.

INFJs usually fit the bill in that regards, if they are close to the INTJ.

I was thinking more-so about a positive cry, not, a negative door-slam-cry.

Although I guess, once the INTJ reveals their inner-teddy, the INFJ would then know the INTJs weak spots and be able to exploit them with just a few words, which in turn could make the INTJ cry. Cry because they were hurt, but more-so because the person they were close to hurt them.

[sade]

Originally Posted by Antisocial one

Why do you say that something like this is cold?

It feels somewhat cold to me.
My initial response was actually worded rawer than that of dissonances.
Also I could say that because emotional reaction is natural for me and a sort of guide
abandoning it or it snapping off of use (me going on keeping an eye on and analycing mode) does feel somewhat cold.
Mainly because my empathy isn't working propherly and I do come off somewhat cold, cruel and analytical were you to ask me a question
when it had disconnected. Atleast so I've been told by others who've heard what I'd gathered.

The choises in making an INTJ cry seemed to be a huge emotional reaction through something good or something bad. A deep personal insult would be easiest. But to create one is cold. Door slam? That's self defence despite the fact that I tell peole off before that. Not likely to make anyone cry imho, you need to bring out the bigger guns for that. I could make an INTJ cry by being extremely nice to them, something really heartfelt, personal, and out of the corner. I've made an INTP cry that way. It's pretty hard to get a person to give out a positive cry..

[Evan]

Originally Posted by toonia

I don't think it takes that much insight to especially hurt people because our underlying fears tends to be shared. In the same way that public shaming works in most every case to elicit a response of humiliation, the same is true of other underlying fears. You can hurt anyone with a club, but it takes more nuanced tools to repair the damage from the clubbing. Hurting people is much easier than helping them.

Agreed. I was more talking about fears that most people don't see, though

I think any type is capable of hurting others if they want to badly enough. Empathy means understanding another person from their point of view. This information I suppose could make it easier to strike a central nerve, but it could also result in sharing the hurt of doing it.

I don't agree. For some, there are people that can be written off, and anything coming out of their mouths is dismissed. Haven't you seen that happen with two people?

One keeps trying to be heard, but everything they say makes it less likely.

I do tend to be too self protective and withhold trust until I understand how another person operates. I never entirely conclude anything about others. Although I put effort into understanding the inner "logic" of how anyone thinks that I encounter. When they don't add up, I can obsess about it until I come up with a hypothesis that accounts for the conflicting information. But there is not anyone, including my family and intimate friends, for whom I hold any absolute conclusions about who they are. There are two reasons for this: first, at any snapshot in time an individual is deeply complex to the extent that it might not be possible for us to even know ourselves absolutely, and secondly, people are dynamic changing systems, so there is not a single conclusive definition that will stay in tact over time.

For me being an NF and analytical about the inner subjective worlds of others is the very quality that reasonably results in the need to withhold judgment on at least some level.

Meh. I'm not saying I figure out exactly who they are. I just start with really wide boundaries and narrow them down over time. If the boundaries are too small then I can get hurt, because I won't predict something. But the boundaries being too large isn't much of a problem.

Anyway, it's that narrowing down process that gives me information about a person that most other people don't bother to look for.

[ByMySword]

Originally Posted by sanveane

^INFJ door slam? I know anyone can do this but it's a primary defense mechanism for INFJ. (I don't do it anymore, cos I stand up for myself all along the way.)

I call it the INFJ bridge burn.

And I don't think using it means that you can't stand up for yourself at all. Before I burn a bridge, I always make sure I've had the last word (which is another way you know you're an INFJ, lol).

I won't just cut off all contact till I have some type of closure, and to me that is making my points heard and having the last word.

After that, its pointless to continue keeping yourself in a position that only brings out negative emotions.

At the same time, I don't just leave because I can't take something anymore. That would be cowardice. I can fight it out with the best of them when I have to, but there are times where one needs to disassociate themselves from a situation. The trick is being mature enough to know when to do that and when not to.

[ByMySword]

Originally Posted by DigitalMethod

Well no, I would guess INTJs can deal with door slams. I mean of course it would affect them, but apathy is a good friend.

I was talking more about, feelings.

INTJs tend to, with-hold their feelings and inner self and only allow that to be seen by a select few who they know will accept and understand them.

INFJs usually fit the bill in that regards, if they are close to the INTJ.

I was thinking more-so about a positive cry, not, a negative door-slam-cry.

Although I guess, once the INTJ reveals their inner-teddy, the INFJ would then know the INTJs weak spots and be able to exploit them with just a few words, which in turn could make the INTJ cry. Cry because they were hurt, but more-so because the person they were close to hurt them.

Yeah, my best friend is an INTJ, Metamorphosis.

I'd like to think that he feels he could talk to me about anything.

And I would never even consider betraying that trust.