INFJ + INTJ = _____

[Haphazard]

Originally Posted by nadirmg

Is it true INTJ don't like to be touched all that much? One of my stronger love languages is physical affection. I think it'd be hard if I dated a girl who's always got the 'don't touch me' chip on her shoulder.

There are about two people in the world that I let touch me. Anyone else touch me and I will rip their fucking arms off.

However, I'm not too inclined to backrubs and footrubs either. I don't know who the hell said they were supposed to feel good because they hurt me -- then again, this may have to do with sensory defensiveness than anything else.

Eh... for a relationship the biggest hurdles I see are potentially the Te/Fe thing and the INTJ's inherent stubbornness.

[SquirrelTao]

My INTJ doesn't like touchy-feely acquaintances to touch him, but he's very physically affectionate with me. He loves cuddling, backrubs, footrubs, and physical teasing and playing. The first year we lived together, we would snuggle in bed and lie there and pick on each other for sometimes hours every day. Of course, we didn't like to sit on our sofa, because it was a piece of crap...

[edcoaching]

All type pairings can work it out, but not all individuals can.

Touch involves a lot more than type--we Northern Introverts think a handshake is pretty intimate. What's gone on in past relationships obviously brings baggage to the next one, including whatever the last serious other wanted or rejected in terms of touch. A lot of Introverts (me included) get startled if they aren't expecting a hug or even a back rub and it can come off as rejection. We may not have been aware enough of the other person's presence or mood to get it'd be a good moment to slide over on the couch...

[DigitalMethod]

I think the desire for commitment in both types is a huge positive.

[Trinity]

Originally Posted by nadirmg

Is it true INTJ don't like to be touched all that much? One of my stronger love languages is physical affection. I think it'd be hard if I dated a girl who's always got the 'don't touch me' chip on her shoulder.

Nooooo.

Personally I like and need physical affection from my partner, I'm just reserved in public. I also don't want random people touching me, if I initiate physical contact with a friend then it means I genuinely like and trust them, it's a rare thing.

There's a test on INTJf about preferred language of love and the two highest responses are quality time and physical affection, so mostly I'd say we like it (talking strictly about romantic relationships) there will always be exceptions though.

[faith]

I'm in a relationship with another introvert and so far I love the shared introversion. We understand the importance of silence, of alone time, of just being without constant interaction. We can enjoy each other's presence while we're doing separate things. All that seems very easy and natural between us. I've never dated an extrovert, so I have nothing to compare it to, but I have experienced no trouble because of being with another introvert.

As for touching... My brother is an INTJ. He hates for "unapproved" people to touch him. But he can be downright cuddly with "approved" people. Sometimes he's even a little too touchy and cuddly for my NF tastes. Weird.

[Haphazard]

Originally Posted by faith

As for touching... My brother is an INTJ. He hates for "unapproved" people to touch him. But he can be downright cuddly with "approved" people. Sometimes he's even a little too touchy and cuddly for my NF tastes. Weird.

I don't think I've ever heard of an INTJ that was 'normal' when it came to touch. If it wasn't important to them, though, they wouldn't be so damn sensitive about it, right?

[Wyst]

Originally Posted by faith

I'm in a relationship with another introvert and so far I love the shared introversion. We understand the importantce of silence, of alone time, of just being without constant interaction. We can enjoy each other's presence while we're doing separate things. All that seems very easy and natural between us. I've never dated an extrovert, so I have nothing to compare it to, but I have experienced no trouble because of being with another introvert.

Holy crap, you just summed up what I'm wishing for.
Very hard to express it in words like that..

[MrRandom]

Okay, years ago I went on a few dates with an INTJ. From my point of view, there wasn't this passion I was looking for. It might have worked out okay and been an okay relationship overall, but okay's not good enough for me. If he would have been even slightly more social and alive, it might have worked out great. We understood each other quite well, but I was bored all the time. If you are adventurous, it might not be your type.

We then became friends only, but due to his intolerable and offensive behavior we are not even that anymore. What Uytuun said about online discussion causing misunderstandings between these two types, I completely agree with. It's a serious threat to the relationship. From my INFJ perspective INTJs can come across as quite harsh when arguing, because INFJs try to find some common ground and let each have their own opinions, whereas an INTJ "attacks" and tries to rend apart the values of others to win the argument. It is their way of understanding things (deconstructing them), and they mean no harm. It might very well be that this doesn't apply to all or even most INTJs, but it's still what I've experienced.

[01011010]

Originally Posted by Eileen

As for INTJs and touch, my experience is that they really prefer that to be negotiated on their own terms. Physical space is important to the INTJs I know.

Yes, very true. Some INFJs would be fine, but it's individual as someone stated above.