[NF] INFPs, what do INFJs do that drives you nuts?

[Ene]

Just wondering. I know what INFPs do that drives me nuts but I don't know what I do that drives them nuts. If I knew I might try to work on it. Don't get me wrong. I get along quite well with my INFP friends, but it'd be nice to know what traits might be helpful to tone down or tune up in their presences. Any input?

 

[Z Buck McFate]

There's this thread, which has some opinions in it.

 

[sorenx7]

I have an INFJ friend I get along with very well. I have another INFJ friend I am around much more. I feel we are always on different wavelengths. She seems to think she really understands me and is often sincere about it. However, I find that many times I can actually communicate with people in foreign countries (who don't have English as a native language) better than I can communicate with her. For a while, I did travel a lot, so this isn't just an irrelevant example.

 

[EJCC]

*waits patiently for [MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION]*



Edit: [MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION] nevermind I didn't know what happened in the previous thread D: I meant to be teasing and then I realized that it couldn't be funny after that.

Dammit. Why did I do this with two forum friends in one day?

 

[Z Buck McFate]

It's possible they're not responding because of what happened last time (for more on 'what happened last time', see thread linked above).

[Fwiw: I, for one, promise not to come back and tell a bunch of people about how they're wrong to have the opinions they have if they're willing to give the op what s/he is asking for.]

 

[chickpea]

I'm not sure I have any infjs in my life that I've been close to, so I haven't had enough interaction with them to be driven crazy. the ones I've known I have felt were a little judgmental and over-serious though. I knew this infj-intp couple who were only 23 but bickered and berated each other like a bitter old married couple. me & my enfp friend would hang out with them and would always comment on how motherly acting she was compared to us (very, which may say more about us than her.)

 

[sorenx7]

I've now read over much of that other thread. This forum is so helpful.

 

[sulfit]

I have an INFJ friend I get along with very well. I have another INFJ friend I am around much more. I feel we are always on different wavelengths. She seems to think she really understands me and is often sincere about it. However, I find that many times I can actually communicate with people in foreign countries (who don't have English as a native language) better than I can communicate with her. For a while, I did travel a lot, so this isn't just an irrelevant example.

INFPs and INFJs are in quasi-identical relations going by this chart which follow exactly as you say. Both people seem similar but have a lot of trouble explaining themselves to each other. It also shows that communication between INFJs and ENFPs (IEI and IEE) should be easier than between INFJs and INFPs (IEI and EII).

 

[Standuble]

I find them to be pathetic creatures which is a lot coming from me who is pretty damn pathetic. Their Fe lecturing is a pain in the ass and displays of affection seem to not be genuine. They won't say what they mean and make sure I can't either. Other than that they're too black and white and paranoid. But I'm allowed to internally mock them so it can be entertaining on occasion.

 

[Ene]

Z,

Thanks for the thread. So often threads exist about a topic and I don't know they're there. I appreciate this link.

Sorenx,

That is exactly how I feel about an INFP friend I have.

Chana,

Thanks. I've actually never been told that I was judgmental, but when I was very young I realized I had the tendency to be that way, a tendency which my ISFJ mother took care of quite effeciently in her own humorous way.

Sulfate,

Thank you so much for the link. That was the biggest help imaginable.

Standuble,

I am sorry that you've had such bad experiences with INFJs. I have to say though that the display of affection thing through me for a loop as I'm an INFJ and rarely display affection. Could you be more explicit about what you mean?

 

[sorenx7]

Ene,

I can understand Standuble's attitude...

 

[sorenx7]

INFPs and INFJs are in quasi-identical relations going by this chart which follow exactly as you say. Both people seem similar but have a lot of trouble explaining themselves to each other. It also shows that communication between INFJs and ENFPs (IEI and IEE) should be easier than between INFJs and INFPs (IEI and EII).

Both having trouble explaining themselves to each other is so right. It's frustrating in an exhausting way--the INFJ/INFP communication problem. I'm wondering if the similar but different situation might be comparable to a Portuguese and Spaniard trying to talk to each other? The two languages are both very similar yet very different all at the same time. From what I understand of this, some communication is possible, but it can never be completely precise, of course. It would be my guess (from my limited knowledge of Spanish and Portuguese) that Spanish sounds like badly-damaged Portuguese to the Portuguese and Portuguese sounds like badly-damaged Spanish to the Spaniard. It's not a perfect analogy (there is no such thing,) but it is one way to approach the issue.

 

[Ene]

Ene,

I can understand Standuble's attitude. One of the INFJ's I mentioned has started meddling in my life so much that I have no choice but to cut her off. She drives everyone away she comes in contact with because of her domineering attitude.

The other INFJ is a completely different story. He did something quite unique and very interesting. In the group setting we were in, he was hardly getting any recognition for his accomplishments. It reached the point that I told everyone it was outrageous that his accomplishments weren't being recognized. So, his attitude toward me is completely different. We will probably be friends for life. My "friendship" with the other INFJ is so problematic, however, that it would make me very cautious in dealing with INFJ's in the future. Sulfit's post explains the reason why very well.

Wow...are you sure she's an INFJ?

See, I don't know anymore besides myself.
It's just hard for me to imagine a true blue INFJ as being domineering. Maybe your INFJ is just an unbalanced person and it's more to do with mental/emotional stability and maturity than with personality type? Or maybe her Fe is out of balance or something, but it sounds like she isn't a quality specimen of the type. The guy sounds pretty cool, though

Thank you for your honest answer. This thread is giving me a lot of insight. Also, I know this is off topic, but do you know anymore INFPs or are you the only one of your type that you know?

 

[Ene]

Both having trouble explaining themselves to each other is so right. It's frustrating in an exhausting way--the INFJ/INFP communication problem. I'm wondering if the similar but different situation might be comparable to a Portuguese and Spaniard trying to talk to each other? The two languages are both very similar yet very different all at the same time. From what I understand of this, some communication is possible, but it can never be completely precise, of course. It would be my guess (from my limited knowledge of Spanish and Portuguese) that Spanish sounds like badly-damaged Portuguese to the Portuguese and Portuguese sounds like badly-damaged Spanish to the Spaniard. It's not a perfect analogy (there is no such thing,) but it is one way to approach the issue.

I've just got to know. Do you think there's anyway to fix that? Maybe the Spainard could learn to speak Portuguese or vice versa. I mean he'd still be a Spainard and the Portuguese would still be Portuguese but they'd at least be able to communicate. I guess that's what I want to do. Learn to speak Portuguese. [Also an imperfect analogy, but the best I can do at the moment.]

 

[Anew Leaf]

*waits patiently for [MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION]*



Edit: [MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION] nevermind I didn't know what happened in the previous thread D: I meant to be teasing and then I realized that it couldn't be funny after that.

Dammit. Why did I do this with two forum friends in one day?

It's fine my dear, you are not expected to be perfect.

It's possible they're not responding because of what happened last time (for more on 'what happened last time', see thread linked above).

[Fwiw: I, for one, promise not to come back and tell a bunch of people about how they're wrong to have the opinions they have if they're willing to give the op what s/he is asking for.]

And this.... is exactly why I have avoided this thread.

 

[SilkRoad]

Broadly, INFPs seem to find INFJs somewhat judgmental and over-serious (as someone said already) and that they hold others to higher standards than they hold themselves. All of which I admit I can see some truth in. (in some cases at least)

INFJs don't get much love around here any more though. It makes a change from the days when people were like "INFJs are psychic wonder-gurus whose love and caring is second to none." (that kind of thing is really annoying too)

I tend to think that INFJs and INFPs, or even xNFJs and xNFPs, tend to reach similar conclusions and to think along the same lines in many ways, but the process and communication trip each party up. The Portuguese and Spanish analogy was quite good. Languages which are similar but different, and thus even more frustrating in some ways.

I can't remember if it was on this forum or elsewhere but I read something about xNFJ and xNFP which I thought was nice. xNFJ might find xNFP flaky, inconsistent etc, and xNFP might find xNFJ too rigid, judgmental etc - but neither will think the other is "weird". And these are types who often get called weird by others. And I think there's a lot of truth to that, and there's something good in it.


EDIT: Sorry, I shouldn't really butt into a thread for INFPs But I do find this subject interesting.

 

[sorenx7]

Wow...are you sure she's an INFJ?

See, I don't know anymore besides myself.
It's just hard for me to imagine a true blue INFJ as being domineering. Maybe your INFJ is just an unbalanced person and it's more to do with mental/emotional stability and maturity than with personality type? Or maybe her Fe is out of balance or something, but it sounds like she isn't a quality specimen of the type. The guy sounds pretty cool, though

Thank you for your honest answer. This thread is giving me a lot of insight. Also, I know this is off topic, but do you know anymore INFPs or are you the only one of your type that you know?

She has done extensive testing and is sure she is an INFJ.

I don't know any other INFP's besides myself. (I suppose it's possible my father is an INFP, but I haven't even talked to him since my late teens, so that's something I wouldn't know what to say about for sure.)

Yes, the male INFJ is cool. His life story is one of the most fascinating things I've ever seen.

 

[sorenx7]

I've just got to know. Do you think there's anyway to fix that? Maybe the Spainard could learn to speak Portuguese or vice versa. I mean he'd still be a Spainard and the Portuguese would still be Portuguese but they'd at least be able to communicate. I guess that's what I want to do. Learn to speak Portuguese. [Also an imperfect analogy, but the best I can do at the moment.]

If the two wanted to really communicate, the most logical thing to do would be for the Portuguese (or Brazilian) to learn Spanish. Spanish has easier phonetics. I personally prefer Portuguese, but that isn't the issue.

 

[sorenx7]

Broadly, INFPs seem to find INFJs somewhat judgmental and over-serious (as someone said already) and that they hold others to higher standards than they hold themselves. All of which I admit I can see some truth in. (in some cases at least)

INFJs don't get much love around here any more though. It makes a change from the days when people were like "INFJs are psychic wonder-gurus whose love and caring is second to none." (that kind of thing is really annoying too)

I tend to think that INFJs and INFPs, or even xNFJs and xNFPs, tend to reach similar conclusions and to think along the same lines in many ways, but the process and communication trip each party up. The Portuguese and Spanish analogy was quite good. Languages which are similar but different, and thus even more frustrating in some ways.

I can't remember if it was on this forum or elsewhere but I read something about xNFJ and xNFP which I thought was nice. xNFJ might find xNFP flaky, inconsistent etc, and xNFP might find xNFJ too rigid, judgmental etc - but neither will think the other is "weird". And these are types who often get called weird by others. And I think there's a lot of truth to that, and there's something good in it.


EDIT: Sorry, I shouldn't really butt into a thread for INFPs But I do find this subject interesting.

Everything you have said here makes complete sense to me.

 

[Southern Kross]

Don't worry [MENTION=7063]SilkRoad[/MENTION] . I think it's only fair that both sides share.

I don't really have much to offer, and haven't really had much experience with this supposed cold war between INFPs and INFJs (especially IRL). Sadly, I haven't gotten close enough to an INFJ or perhaps I find them hard to type IRL - I can't say I've met too many. The ones I have met I've never really had any real problems with.

On the forum I do get a bit annoyed more generally with the Ni-dom issue of claiming they know some sort of objective truth about something I think is a matter of opinion - however INFJs tend to show more tact in this than the INTJs. But then, frankly I'm a bit of a know-it-all myself (albeit in a different way) so I should probably shut up