NFs; what do you find attractive?

[Kiddo]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

Ni - mental (based on INFJs I know)
Ne - confidence (based on my ENFP sister)
Fi - avant garde
Fe - death wish swinging from a chandelier

lol

I say these things loosely.

Hm....I'm guessing the mental connection has to extend well beyond simple intelligence. I dated an INTJ who was extremely intelligent, but we were so incompatible it was sad. He always seemed so insensitive and critical, a good friend but a lousy potential mate.

[PinkPiranha]

Originally Posted by Kiddo

Hm....I'm guessing the mental connection has to extend well beyond simple intelligence. I dated an INTJ who was extremely intelligent, but we were so incompatible it was sad. He always seemed so insensitive and critical, a good friend but a lousy potential mate.

Agreed. The mental component, while very necessary (at least speaking for myself... I love-love a smart man...), isn't everything. There *must* be some all-systems fusion from the get-go. My kind of magic. The Piranha "it" factor.

I've tried that method of 'waiting it out' and it doesn't work. You can't make a whole relationship out of just one or two aspects. You have to have it all clicking into place.

I dated this guy once, the funniest guy I or anyone else had ever met. We had interests in common and he was a good person, but I just couldn't, I don't know. He wasn't right for me. Pretending to be cool with him when I wasn't was the biggest mistake. I've learned to stop trying to talk myself into things for "practical" reasons because it just makes a mess.

[Kiddo]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

Agreed. The mental component, while very necessary (at least speaking for myself... I love-love a smart man...), isn't everything. There *must* be some all-systems fusion from the get-go. My kind of magic. The Piranha "it" factor.

I've tried that method of 'waiting it out' and it doesn't work. You can't make a whole relationship out of just one or two aspects. You have to have it all clicking into place.

I dated this guy once, the funniest guy I or anyone else had ever met. We had interests in common and he was a good person, but I just couldn't, I don't know. He wasn't right for me. Pretending to be cool with him when I wasn't was the biggest mistake. I've learned to stop trying to talk myself into things for "practical" reasons because it just makes a mess.

Well the difficulty I seem to be having is finding somebody I have that "all-system fusion" with. But I agree, the worst mistake I think I have ever made was going with a guy I just wasn't attracted to. Trying to make yourself be attracted to a person is just unfair to yourself and to the other person.

[PinkPiranha]

Originally Posted by Kiddo

Well the difficulty I seem to be having is finding somebody I have that "all-system fusion" with. But I agree, the worst mistake I think I have ever made was going with a guy I just wasn't attracted to. Trying to make yourself be attracted to a person is just unfair to yourself and to the other person.

You and me both.

I sometimes feel pretty cursed by the NF thing because I don't just want, I require, an all-systems fusion. Add that to a weird peculiarity in my attractions plus my need to be sure of what I'm seeing (which entails some passage of time to get to know him better), and you have "alone forever" lurking at the end of the equation.

My older sister tried to push me into various practical arrangements. She's a very cut-and-dry ST and she honestly meant well, but she was coming at it from her perspective. She told me she'd LIKE to marry for love, but it wasn't necessary. I was astonished when she said that. I mean, I see her point, but I couldn't ever see myself marrying for anything other than love. If I did, it would be a desperate maneuver and the man involved would be relegated to caretaker status, which I KNOW isn't what a man wants out of me. She told me that I would just have to get over my "idealism" and stop behaving like I've got the time to burn and the choice to be attracted.

Maybe I don't. Maybe she was right.

But it doesn't change the nuts and bolts of the matter for an NF like me. I'd be miserable married to someone that I wasn't all-in for.

[CaptainChick]

I could sit here in this solitary environment and write a grand dissertation of the qualities and characteristics I find attractive, but alas, that would do or procure nothing.

-meh men

-meh mating

[Kiddo]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

You and me both.

I sometimes feel pretty cursed by the NF thing because I don't just want, I require, an all-systems fusion. Add that to a weird peculiarity in my attractions plus my need to be sure of what I'm seeing (which entails some passage of time to get to know him better), and you have "alone forever" lurking at the end of the equation.

My older sister tried to push me into various practical arrangements. She's a very cut-and-dry ST and she honestly meant well, but she was coming at it from her perspective. She told me she'd LIKE to marry for love, but it wasn't necessary. I was astonished when she said that. I mean, I see her point, but I couldn't ever see myself marrying for anything other than love. If I did, it would be a desperate maneuver and the man involved would be relegated to caretaker status, which I KNOW isn't what a man wants out of me. She told me that I would just have to get over my "idealism" and stop behaving like I've got the time to burn and the choice to be attracted.

Maybe I don't. Maybe she was right.

But it doesn't change the nuts and bolts of the matter for an NF like me. I'd be miserable married to someone that I wasn't all-in for.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to accept that because I'm an NF it is an all or nothing proposition. Better to be alone than to be stuck with someone I'm miserable with. I guess I'll just have to get to know as many people as possible and overtime I might get lucky and if not, then I'm okay with that.

[wedekit]

Good looks may not be the most vital point, but there still has to be some kind of attraction in that aspect for me. I prefer a nice face over a nice body. I prefer guys that have just as much as an imaginative capacity as I do, but actually act on it, unlike me. "Ideally" (hilarious, since we're idealists) I want someone who I balance out but who also balances out me.

I prefer order and watching, while my ideal mate prefers spontaneity (not overboard though) and doing. Together we would (hopefully) find balance and grow as people together. I must admit that I fall for the cynical/skeptical guys, which would also balance out since I am an optimist.

Of course, I have been told that one day I will have to admit that there is no ideal love out there waiting for me... but I can still dream; and when I do I dream big.

[heart]

Originally Posted by Kiddo

Granted, I was looking for the most attractive thing an NF would find in a potential mate.

I was tired last night and read the post different. I thought you were specifically asking what NF would find attractive in someone walking down the street.

I seem to be attracted to Ni in a mate.
Idealism

[PinkPiranha]

It's strictly Ti or Ne, for me.

But sometimes, an INFP pops up.

[ferrisbueller]

It's Ni for me, definitely.