[ENFP] ENFPs...how easily do you forget?

[PumpkinMayCare]

Thanks

Somehow I do think it's a type thing...you guys are quick to move on. But in the rare occasion that an INTJ opens their heart up, they are giving you their very soul. It's so much harder to recover from that...

I need to answer this with a strong NO. People who were close to me, but unfortunately had to go no contact with because they broke my trust or there is an conflict we just couldn't resolve, **may** stay on my mind for YEARS. I need to grieve such things and it can literally take forever. It's due to Fi.

 

[Red Memories]

Okay to answer the legit question.

lol. you think I forget exactly the words you used when you left, betrayed me, etc?

I
never
forget.

 

[Amargith]

My memory sucks on most fronts, but not on this.

In fact, my memory is based on intense emotion.

The stronger the emotion at the time, the more complex, clear and resilient the memory - to the point where it can be a real curse when i *want* to forget. I ll remember sometimes the exact dialogue, the exact intonation and stress of the words you( and i) used, the exact moment the sharp sting of loss hit me and the moments before wheni felt high still on your mere presence. The contrast between them is both excruciating and filled with ironic, artful beauty - a perfect juxtaposition if there ever was one. And it both annoys and delights me to no end that i both notice and absolutely marvel at such a thing when thinking back of this moment

it's like having a recording of a symphony of emotions and not being able to get the song out of your head- ever.

And depending on the symphony of emotions that moment invoked, it can truly be like music - heartwrenching and soulshattering, bittersweet or utter bliss.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Emotions are not type related, but the way we deal with them is. If you were special to someone at some point, there is no way they will just forget about you like that. Some can't handle the grieving process so they jump on a rebound relationship, some go on a craze, some take time off from people to sort their emotions out because they are complex, some need a support system to deal with the aftermath of that rupture... Etc.
As XNTJ, I relate to that very saying which suggests that once we open up, we give it our all. That relationship becomes an enterprise which we want to deploy our sincerest, optimize it and improve it just like any system. But as an XNTJ, I also know when a system fails to deliver, and I decide to walk away, I walk away for good. And if I ever think about that said person, it would just cross my mind, and I'll look at that person with appreciation and gratitude for the lessons learned.

 

[thescientist]

WOWEE. It's been...7 years already?

I never expected this thread to get revived and to catch it in my email and relive so many feelings of my confusing mid-twenties and that darn ENFP. I feel sad for my past self and the hurt I went through. I feel sad for having let someone else determine my worth...and not valuing myself enough to walk away sooner.

I still occasionally wonder what he's up to and if we'll ever have a run-in. Not in a daydreamy or sad way, but in a passing sort of way.

For those who read the full thread and story, there is a happy ending after all.

I'm now 33 and happily married to a kind, loving, super mushy, and fiercely intelligent INFP (three years so far ). We are equals in the relationship and share a lot of the same values. I think it's funny that I wrote him off as 'incompatible' when we were friends. Guess you could say we were in denial for a long time. Alas, friendship turned into romance. I'm glad to report it didn't involve immature emotional games, lies, and manipulative behavior.

The ENFP from the story did indeed marry his long-distance girlfriend (the one he claimed was just a friend ). There was never any contact on either end and I'm fine with that. At peace, even. We just weren't right for each other. I hope she was right for him.