INFJs: Describe Yourself

[nightning]

Originally Posted by Silently Honest

I had half the mind to write "You don't find us. We find you."

+1

The thing with INFJs I found is that we are highly variable. For me, I'm mostly in the background quietly observing things unless I spot problems or potential problems. Then I step in to help sort things up, provide new perspectives, different way of looking at things. Very one on one type of help. After things are back on track, I leave. On the whole it gives the impression of "nice but detached".

Originally Posted by Usehername

What distinguishes you from an ISFJ in behavior? This particular (who I think is) ISFJ has, in her intimate circle of four friends, an ISFJ, ExFP and ESTP and ISFx.

I'm also sorta close-ish with her, and have never picked up on any Ni at all. We've always seemed to have "missed" each other in our points until in a larger group discussion where I join their circle of friends and it's all S talk.

Look for Ni vs Si... ISFJs I know are very very traditional. They also pay more attention to the details than us scatterbrained INFJs. Female ISFJs are the ones that send thank you cards to you... a little something for christmas holiday. Their sense of "helping" is also more "hands on". To those who they're close to... they're always close at hand. An INFJ might see things coming along and move on to something else, but the ISFJ will stay until everything is completed.

INFJ guys... I only know of one... he's not easily typed unless you're an INFJ yourself or know us really well. Again, look for that Ni. It's good to throw at them something random... like an Ne idea. See how they deal with it. Switch topics halfway and see if they're still thinking along the lines of the first idea (tying the first idea with the 2nd etc) or follow you strictly onto the new one. That's the best test for Ni vs Ne.

INTJ vs INFJ... just look for the sentimental side.

[Littlelostnf]

I thought Cafe's post was interesting as I have both a cousin and a good friend who are INFJ and they both have unique styles but aren't at all "put together" while my ISFJ mom is totally always put together. Also what you said about engaging a person conversationally as an INFJ. I see that very much in both INFJ's.

I really see my ISFJ mom in the following two paragraph.

Originally Posted by cafe

When you meet her, you see that she is very attractively and appropriately put together. She has an assurance about her that she is doing things properly and she is polite, but she is committed to her agenda. Sometimes you know she is thinking something that may not be terribly flattering, but you can't quite put your finger on what it might be. She is always aware of how her children are behaving and they had better be behaving well.

The difference between myself and my ISFJ sister-in-law (and dear friend) is that she is a nurturer of the body and the moral fiber and I am a nurturer of the emotions and the mind. She is more conscious of rules and how things look to other people than I am. She is more organized and diligent than I am. She is actually more big picture when it comes to caring for others in that she considers how to meet the needs of others and she schedules accordingly and she is very inclined to stick to her schedule because she cares about people and meeting her obligations to them..

I really love my mom...sometimes things she talks about wash over me because she can TALK...but she's fantastic. Couldn't ask for a better mom..and after all these years she'll still iron my clothes for me

[Griffi97]

I value sincerity and honesty, can't stand lip-service, fake people or liars. If someone doesn't like me I'd rather know it than have them pretending to like me. For the most part I can see right through people. I find that people don't like this. I sometimes get a bad feeling about someone right away. Later I usually find out why. When I meet someone new I carefully explore them by asking a few questions. If their answers seem to indicate some depth, I ask more questions. Oftentimes I look for it and don't find it. If there's no depth there, I usually feel like there is no meaningful conversation possible for me with the person, just superficial nonsense which is ultimately unsatisfying.

I am a spelling and grammar nazi. Errors in language leap off the page. I have been told many times that I think I'm always right. I certainly like to BE right, and if someone publicly disagrees with me about something I've said, I'll try to find some way to prove I am right. If my research actually proves that I was wrong, I quietly bury it and note the fact for future reference. If I can prove I AM right, I make sure to find a way to tell them. I tend to have strong opinions and don't mind sharing them. When I see someone is hurting, I try to find out how to help if I can, sometimes by offering advice or sometimes just by listening. People tend to seek me out because of this.

I think INFJ's are pretty hard to recognize because they are somewhat chameleon-like. I usually try to type everyone I meet and I have had more trouble recognizing my own type than any other.

[Murmur]

At social gatherings (mostly organizational activities) I'm usually either one of the people in charge or then I'm just sitting quietly. When I'm with familiar and interesting people I might actually seem quite extroverted, talking passionately about various kinds of things with many people (but I can't improvise so you don't usually see me dancing or doing some crazy stuff). So yeah, I'm a bit chameleon-like I guess.

At family gatherings I don't talk much 'cause I don't really have much to talk about with my relatives, and that's kind of sad. I avoid meeting my relatives whenever it's possible. It's probably because I didn't have a healthy childhood, and now that I study at the Uni I'm actually moving socially further and further away from where I started.

I love libraries, bookstores, my own campus and especially my own home. Sometimes I visit a church or a cemetary although I'm not a traditionally religious person (I call myself a spiritual atheist). I pretty much hate bars and shopping malls.

I don't share about my personal life unless you're worth it. I never share everything with anyone. Especially I don't talk to you about my dreams and intuitions unless I really truly trust you.

I usually seek the company of original and intelligent people. Some extroverts kind of scare me because they don't see that I need my own space. When I don't like someone I just totally ignore that person.

[quietgirl]

I surprise myself a lot. I guess that's the best basic description I can give.

As for something a bit more elaborate...

I'm generally a quiet girl, but I can talk for hours with the people closest to me. I also get in sociable moods, moreso than most introverts than I know. However, I need a significant amount of downtime to balance myself out again. If I'm around people all day, I generally need to be by myself for the rest of the night. If I'm around people for days on end, I end up very stressed and irritable.

I'm fairly happy. I smile a lot. However, I do have the tendency to overextend myself to meet the needs of others (normally needs they should be meeting themselves - thus overcompensating for what is lacking) and that will send me on a downward depression spiral.

I enjoy and NEED to have a connection with those around me. If I do not have a connection with you, chances are you won't hear from me much. I am constantly trying to foster new connections and build upon existing connections. This contridicts my introversion a bit and that's what ultimately leads to overextending myself, I think.

It may be because my "N" preference tests the strongest, but I tend to think VERY abstractly. When I open up my thoughts to most around me, I usually get the "what the hell?!" response - even from other N's. Everywhere I look, I find a symbol. There are no coincidences - everything is symbolic of something bigger. I tend to find meaning where there probably isn't much meaning. I am so not concrete and always read between the lines. This drives the more concrete types in my life absolutely NUTS. I'm also not hands on AT ALL.

I'm a planner to the point of neurotic-ness. I have to know what's going to happen next, even if it ends up changing - I just need a plan. I'm not rigid in my planning, I just need to be constantly working with one, if that makes any sense. It's a security thing. I'm also really big on closure. Every disagreement needs to be settled as soon as possible or I get really anxious. I also get anxious if I don't know what's going to happen next. I hate leaving stuff open ended & the whole needing options thing goes right over my head. I like things decided and then I tend to stick with them until something happens to force me to make a new decision. In relationships, I am not a play the field, wandering eye, scared of commitment type. I usually commit immediately and stay in the relationship until something happens to force the decision to break it off. I've never cheated on anyone in my life and I do not understand why someone would search for more options when they have a perfectly good option in front of them.

I am very analytical. I usually analyze things like feelings, people, relationships, etc... but I'm okay with non human analyzation as well. I can get into an analyzation trap sometimes where I simply can't stop analyzing.

I am a perfectionist to the utmost degree. I'd like to say that I only expect myself to be perfect, but I've heard from others that they feel I give them pressure to be perfect. I never realize when I am expecting others to be perfect and feel awful when it's revealed to me. My relationship with my boyfriend is a funny one, as we share this perfectionism. We rarely fight, but when we do, it's about failing to meet one another's unreasonable expectations for some reason. Once we both realize that our expectations were impossible to achieve, the argument is normally brought to a compromise and resolved. However, I am the hardest on myself. I like to have control over what I do, what happens to me, and the image I portray to others. It's actually fairly unhealthy, but I'm working on it.

There's tons more, but I think that's a good start.

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by Silently Honest

I'm usually the person who looks removed from the situation, at least until someone starts speaking with me, if I care to speak with them I will actually be quite friendly, and seem pretty boring, as I will more often than not be following the other persons words more then they'll be following mine.

This is so true. It describes my INFJ friend exactly! We spent all day at an art museum together and went to lunch.....and later that night went to a party. (I know...that seems like A LOT for an INFJ, but it was his idea!) Granted...the party was a bunch of our high school friends...yet I could still see him kind of remove himself from the group....and become quite introverted. Quite the opposite of the time we spent earlier that day at the museum and at lunch.

How can you tell if a male INFJ likes you...or is just being kind (doesn't want to hurt your feelings?)

[quietgirl]

Originally Posted by armstrongvk12

How can you tell if a male INFJ likes you...or is just being kind (doesn't want to hurt your feelings?)

I'm a female, but I won't show interest in someone unless I actually do like them. I'm pretty big on being genuine. I do not contact my male friends with whom I am not interested in on a daily or semi daily basis. We more catch each other when we can. If I was interested, I'd make more of an effort to have more regular communication.

If my boyfriend is indeed also an INFJ, he just kept making plans to call the next day & hang out after we met. According to him, he wouldn't have tried to see & talk to me as much if he hadn't been interested. He's similar to me with not showing interest unless interested for the same reasons - it's not genuine & there really is no point (and it's a bit cruel) to playing with someone's feelings like that.

[Shinzon]

*

[quietgirl]

Originally Posted by Shinzon

I'm a 24 year old male INFJ. I can only speak for myself but I'm usually very cautious and I like to be sure that my feelings are reciprocated before I move to the next level. If I find you attractive I'll probably be a little shy at first until I've gotten to know you well enough for me to pick up enough commonalities for conversation to come naturally.

At some point when I'm sure about things I'll probably just come right out and make a move or say something. Basically, if I seem interested in you and you're interested back, don't play hard to get, don't send mixed signals, be very open and direct with me and it will speed the whole process up. There have been people for whom the whole process happened in a few nights, a few took weeks.

I have no idea if this common for male infjs my age but this is roughly how I operate.

This is pretty much how my boyfriend operates as well.

[armstrongvk12]

Originally Posted by quietgirl

I'm a female, but I won't show interest in someone unless I actually do like them. I'm pretty big on being genuine. I do not contact my male friends with whom I am not interested in on a daily or semi daily basis. We more catch each other when we can. If I was interested, I'd make more of an effort to have more regular communication.

If my boyfriend is indeed also an INFJ, he just kept making plans to call the next day & hang out after we met. According to him, he wouldn't have tried to see & talk to me as much if he hadn't been interested. He's similar to me with not showing interest unless interested for the same reasons - it's not genuine & there really is no point (and it's a bit cruel) to playing with someone's feelings like that.

I don't contact male friends on a regular basis either...unless I was interested. I feel it is cruel as well and ingenuine too. My INFJ male "friend" usually contacts me every day either through email and/or phone because he lives 2500 miles away from me.

Not too long ago...I had a male ESTJ...keep contacting me and basically taking up all of my free time....but he only wanted to be friends!
I think it might be a controlling SJ thingy?? I don't want any more men with "issues" wasting my time.

Thanks so much for your help.