[ENFP] ENFPs: Beating 'Em Off with a Stick (Not the ENFP, But Those They Encounter)

[Esoteric Wench]

I've come to realize that I have a particularly salient talent for making people from all walks of life feel comfortable in my presence. Redneck or college professor (and in my home state the two are not mutually exclusive, but I digress), people from all walks of life can feel like my best friend after only one to two conversations.

I would characterize such conversations as ephemeral. And yet, I'm obviously having a more significant emotional impact on these people than I realize or intend.

So here's my question to other ENFPs and those who love them...

How do you balance your innate ability to establish emotional connections with other people with your desire to have MEANINGFUL emotional connections with others? Are you aware that what seems like a casual emotional connection for you, may seem to have more import for the other person? And, if so then what do you do about this?

Please discuss.

- Esoteric Wench

 

[hermeticdancer]

I've come to realize that I have a particularly salient talent for making people from all walks of life feel comfortable in my presence. Redneck or college professor (and in my home state the two are not mutually exclusive, but I digress), people from all walks of life can feel like my best friend after only one to two conversations.

I would characterize such conversations as ephemeral. And yet, I'm obviously having a more significant emotional impact on these people than I realize or intend.

So here's my question to other ENFPs and those who love them...

How do you balance your innate ability to establish emotional connections with other people with your desire to have MEANINGFUL emotional connections with others? Are you aware that what seems like a casual emotional connection for you, may seem to have more import for the other person? And, if so then what do you do about this?

Please discuss.

- Esoteric Wench

Maybe you overrate yourself. How do you know what other people really thinking about you on the inside? I found your post to be obnoxious, and not endearing at all. Doesn't matter, keep on thinking that you can get anyone to like you... When you find someone who demonstrates they are not impressed, you fall for them I bet...

Ughh...

To have meaningful emotional connections with others, you don't have to spend time propping each other up, and telling the other person what they think they want to hear, or becoming an emotional surrogate.

You should know better, that most people don't need/want advice, or even validation, and counsel time, you're not a therapist, and most of us only really give a a sh*it what WE have to say. Let's get over ourselves here. Are you getting PAID for it?
$$$$. Are these good friends, family? Then who cares?

:workout:

 

[Randomnity]

oh gods please fix the title. lol.

 

[simulatedworld]

Maybe you overrate yourself. How do you know what other people really thinking about you on the inside? I found your post to be obnoxious, and not endearing at all. Doesn't matter, keep on thinking that you can get anyone to like you... When you find someone who demonstrates they are not impressed, you fall for them I bet...

Agreed, OP sounds pretentious and probably out of touch with what most people really think.

When I read the title I thought it was going to be about getting ENFPs to stop overestimating how much others love and appreciate them, which, ironically, would be a far more fitting subject for the OP to consider. :rolli:

 

[professor goodstain]

AVOID those people for a long time after you get a vibe they assumed you were tryin to get too close for comfort.
my aunt assumed i was flirting with her during a wedding reception. can't figure out for the life of me how. have avoided her going on almost 10 years now

 

[Zarathustra]

Agreed, OP sounds pretentious and probably out of touch with what most people really think.

When I read the title I thought it was going to be about getting ENFPs to stop overestimating how much others love and appreciate them, which, ironically, would be a far more fitting subject for the OP to consider. :rolli:

I thought it was gunna be about how to beat ENFPs off with a stick...

 

[Zarathustra]

my aunt assumed i was flirting with her during a wedding reception. can't figure out for the life of me how. have avoided her going on almost 10 years now

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Hysterical!

 

[Esoteric Wench]

My only point is that in my travels, I've had several occasions that I felt like I had made a minor emotional connection with another person. Later, I'd receive a hand written note from that person thanking me for discussing the deeper points in their life and making some insightful suggestions to them.

This has happened to me on more than one occasion.

My only point is... not to extol my own virtues... but to understand the dynamic that occurs in non-ENFP / ENFP interactions. Per my life experience these interactions can include deep, meaningful emotional connections between the non-ENFP and the ENFP. Afterward, the non-ENFP is bowled over by the emotional import of their ENFP interaction experience... whereas the ENFP considers such an interaction as run-of-the-mill at best.

This disparity in the ENFP / Non-ENFP interaction has nothing to do with the ENFP being God's gift to humanity. It has more to do with the fact that connecting with people on an emotionally meaningful level comes naturally for the ENFP but not necessarily for other types. Thus, what seems ordinary for the ENFP, is extraordinary for the non-ENFP.

 

[heart]

This thread irritated the bejeezus out of me. I am too lazy to try and analyze why.

 

[simulatedworld]

My only point is that in my travels, I've had several occasions that I felt like I had made a minor emotional connection with another person. Later, I'd receive a hand written note from that person thanking me for discussing the deeper points in their life and making some insightful suggestions to them.

This has happened to me on more than one occasion.

My only point is... not to extol my own virtues... but to understand the dynamic that occurs in non-ENFP / ENFP interactions. Per my life experience these interactions can include deep, meaningful emotional connections between the non-ENFP and the ENFP. Afterward, the non-ENFP is bowled over by the emotional import of their ENFP interaction experience... whereas the ENFP considers such an interaction as run-of-the-mill at best.

This disparity in the ENFP / Non-ENFP interaction has nothing to do with the ENFP being God's gift to humanity. It has more to do with the fact that connecting with people on an emotionally meaningful level comes naturally for the ENFP but not necessarily for other types. Thus, what seems ordinary for the ENFP, is extraordinary for the non-ENFP.

It's very common for one person in any sort of relationship to feel that the connection is more significant than the other person does. You've probably been on the opposite end of this dichotomy any number of times.

I've seen what you describe happen with lots of people from lots of different types, with no particular pattern toward ENFP. Most F types encounter the same thing periodically, and even some Ts.

This isn't really a special ENFP quality.

 

[Southern Kross]

I have recognized this problem in ENFPs. I confess I have been known to overestimate a friendship with some in the past. It wasn't something that was openly acknowledged between us but I certainly realized I was probably presuming too much. I don't blame them for it or anything but its hard to come to terms with. I'm usually pretty good at reading what people think of me but its harder with ENFXs because you're so friendly, open and considerate even when you don't have to be. I guess this is more of a problem with society that basic pleasantness is considered above and beyond the call of duty (ie. "so you must really like me!").

When I've had this problem, I had to resist my instincts and learn to hang back a bit and just let the ENFP come to me more, rather than have me jumping all over them constantly. I consciously made efforts to give them the option to keep their distance at little more or further pursue interaction. It was tough, though! I don't know how well I could do that on a long term basis.

What I'd really like to know from ENFPs: how others can tell that their relationship is closer than usual? Is there a clear distinction between shallow relationships and more intimate ones? Is there are major obvious change in the dynamic when you become closer to someone or is subtler and harder to spot? A what sorts of things would you want get out of a ideal friendship?

 

[Zarathustra]

It's very common for one person in any sort of relationship to feel that the connection is more significant than the other person does. You've probably been on the opposite end of this dichotomy any number of times.

I've seen what you describe happen with lots of people from lots of different types, with no particular pattern toward ENFP. Most F types encounter the same thing periodically, and even some Ts.

This isn't really a special ENFP quality.

I could imagine it happening with greater frequency to ENFPs, though.

Kinda sad if you ask me...

 

[Lady_X]

Your clarification helps...some :/ but really the op is totally cringe worthy..sorry but no can't relate. I value connections I make with people and would never think it was of more importance them. If anything I'd likely feel the opposite...people touch me all the time even seemingly meaningless interactions..I just tend to view these connections as a shared thing.

 

[Zarathustra]

What I'd really like to know from ENFPs: how others can tell that their relationship is closer than usual? Is there a clear distinction between shallow relationships and more inimate ones? Is there are major obvious change in the dynamic when you become closer to someone or is subtler and harder to spot? A what sorts of things would you want get out of a ideal friendship?

Great questions...

 

[Into It]

I've seen what you describe happen with lots of people from lots of different types, with no particular pattern toward ENFP. Most F types encounter the same thing periodically, and even some Ts.
This isn't really a special ENFP quality.

I have noticed an extraordinary trend as far as people feeling drawn to/associating emotionally with the ENF types. And I think this skill or quality actually might be more common in NF types than in others, that is to say, the only reason INFP's and INFJ's may have people drawn to them somewhat less (which is not to say that they wouldn't contribute emotionally to the relationship, they would - perhaps much more than the Extroverts) is that they are reserved and may take a little longer to know. I think NF's may put themselves in others' shoes more easily or often than other temperaments.

But to respond more directly to the OP:

 

[Esoteric Wench]

What I'd really like to know from ENFPs: how others can tell that their relationship is closer than usual? Is there a clear distinction between shallow relationships and more intimate ones? Is there are major obvious change in the dynamic when you become closer to someone or is subtler and harder to spot? A what sorts of things would you want get out of a ideal friendship?

#1 - Southern Kross, an excellent question that I've considered myself. Let me think about this a bit before a more thorough response.

#2 - BTW, I'm oscillating between embarrassment and self-satisfaction for giving this thread such an obnoxious title. Please forgive me for the annoying qualities of the title... and yet hopefully the naysayers will chuckle a bit while rolling their eyes at the obnoxiousness of it.

 

[Zarathustra]

Your clarification helps...some :/ but really the op is totally cringe worthy..sorry but no can't relate. I value connections I make with people and would never think it was of more importance them. If anything I'd likely feel the opposite...people touch me all the time even seemingly meaningless interactions..I just tend to view these connections as a shared thing.

Yeah, man, it is a pretty cold-hearted post.

Rings a little bit of psychological disorder. I dunno...

Something about the way you (btw, OP, are you a guy or a girl?) so coldly lay it out there is chilling...

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Yeah, man, it is a pretty cold-hearted post. Rings a little bit of psychological disorder. I dunno...Something about the way you (btw, OP, are you a guy or a girl?) so coldly lay it out there is chilling...

I did not intend on sounding overly narcissistic. It's just that I've found one of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bull sh*t.

I don't mean to be "I'm God's gift to humanity" in my OP. But I see no reason to beat around the bush either.

I am a she and not a he, btw... at least the last time I looked. Maybe I should check again.

 

[heart]

I am a she and not a he, btw... at least the last time I looked. Maybe I should check again.

Why so snippy? The poster was just asking, no one can know the gender of anyone else on here until they ask. We've all been led astray by avatars and screen names.