NFs dating SJs

[anii]

My opinion - SJs are stable, practical, reliable providers.

But they aren't very whimsical, and I need that in a mate.

[LadyJaye]

Originally Posted by anii

My opinion - SJs are stable, practical, reliable providers.

But they aren't very whimsical, and I need that in a mate.

I think that sums it up nicely, actually.

When I was a teenager, I dated a guy who was an ISFJ - he was a very trustworthy, reliable, caring person, which is what I admired about him. But he didn't get my thought processes most of the time. There was a subtle, "something's not right here" feeling, and even though nothing was going wrong with our relationship, we amicably broke up. Later on, when I learned about MBTI, it all made sense to me, why we were missing each other in the communication department. It was nice to know that it wasn't anyone's fault, just that we were engineered differently.

[Theory]

My mom is an NF, and my dad is an SJ. They are coming up on their 28th year of marriage.

...So I guess it worked for my mom, but I don't think it would ever work for me. SJs like my dad are great and all, but there are certain things about them that I would never be able to tolerate in a boyfriend or husband. (Of course, that could also be due to his specific type... he's a definite ESTJ.) There's a lack of emotional sensitivity that makes me want to scream, and while they are practical, hard-working people, they wouldn't be adventurous enough for me. However, a male SJ would definitely make a good father, so I wouldn't complain about that.

[runvardh]

As long as I have my lab to do with what ever I so chose with only 5% input from her and tolerance of my states of imagination is present, I can't see it a problem for me.

[PinkPiranha]

I've never dated an SJ. We've just been "buddy" types.

[proteanmix]

When just say no to SJs that lack imagination what you all mean? What kind of imaginativeness are you referring to?

[runvardh]

Originally Posted by proteanmix

When just say no to SJs that lack imagination what you all mean? What kind of imaginativeness are you referring to?

I said tolerant of my states of imagination, nothing about whether or not they have an imagination.

[fidelia]

My mother is an I?NFJ and my dad is an ISTJ. I dated an ESJT for 5 years and I am an INFJ.

Good things: Both NFs and SJs seem to value helping others in some way. I have found that both my dad and the boyfriend were responsible, good with everyday paperwork and routines (which NFs are less strong at), and were hard workers (though prone to spending too much time working). The practical elements and sense of responsibility combined with the NF imagination and vision and in both pairings they worked well together to execute big projects and events. I found both men were easying going about a lot of things and were good travel companions. My mother and I provided interest to the trip and they took care of the details and enjoyed long stretches of driving.

Bad things: Both pretended that any problems did not exist. I'm not sure if this is SJ or a result of both men's personal earlier experiences. NFs have a real need for resolution and years of unresolved conflict are devastating both the the relationship and to the NF personally. Even when the ESTJ and I broke up, there was no emotion shown. Although it was obvious from behaviour that it had mattered to him, there would be no admission of that and an attitude that as long as we don't talk about it it doesn't exist. He treated me immediately as if we had been nice neighbours and nothing more for the whole time. My dad deals with problems very much that way too. I think STJs in particular are unlikely to let others in on the thought process or what they are thinking, which makes it hard for the NF to let go of the problem and then the STJ feels they are being overemotional or making a big deal out of something they shouldn't. I think mostly the NF feels much less fulfilled that the SJ does. The only solution is for the N to look to a safe place to satisfy their N needs and recognize that it won't happen from the other person.

[whimsical]

I have a great relationship with an ISFJ friend of mine, she is very practical, reliable and stable, however she is not very imaginative or "whimsical" as someone above mentioned. Still, it is a relationship I value immensely because we can both help each other out in our weak points, and we get along nicely. Sometimes I feel that she does not understand my idealism and it makes me a bit sad sometimes, but it is something I've learned to accept.

[Ruthie]

I'm right on the line between being an NF and and NT, and, with a couple of exceptions, most of the guys I've dated have also been either NF or NT. I tend to get so "meta" in my day-to-day conversations that I attract other meta types who love analyzing and generalizing everything. Too bad too, cause I think an SJ would be my ideal partner. We tend to want the same things out of the relationship - dependability, stability, loyalty. I like the idea of a low maintenance life together. The image of bantering with my husband after 30 or 40 years of marriage excites me more than the romance of a new relationship.