NF's and cheating

[GirlAmerica]

Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?

[targo]

what kind of cheating? Like cheating on your homework or a test or cheating on a significant other?

[arcticangel02]

Cheating as in relationships? Or cheating as in bending the rules? :P

[wedekit]

If you mean relationships:

Never. The first (and only) person I dated cheated on me and I don't ever want to feel like that again, much less make someone else feel like that. Ironically, they promised me a week before they would never hurt me. (And they wonder why I don't trust anyone?)

No matter how much I love someone, if they are unfaithful I won't be able to forgive them, and I'll be sure to make that very clear to everyone I date. I take promises seriously, and I take commitment even more seriously. If they are so unhappy with me that they would cheat on me, I hope they at least pay the courtesy of breaking up with me before they do it.

[toonia]

I prefer straightforwardness in most things. Regarding cheating on tests, I prefer to face the raw truth of the matter. That way when I succeed I know that i did it, and when I fail then my limitations are made more clear. I prefer an accurate picture of things to some complicated artifice that can only appear to be reality.

Regarding cheating in relationships, there isn't a way that I am able to live that kind of intimately double life. I also dislike the kinds of disrespect associated with that behavior. I am old enough now to have seen painful, destructive relationships in those closest to me. Because of this, I understand better what drives people to cheat and can see the wretchedness of it all on various levels. Personally I'd rather avoid it because it likely causes more pain (sometimes unexpectedly) than is necessary to solve the problems of the situation.

[quietgirl]

I have this thing with integrity. I cannot cheat because I would feel as though it lacked integrity & that conflicts with my values.

I have never in my life cheated in a relationship nor do I ever expect myself to do so. Funny thing is that I have been cheated on in almost all of my relationships.

[Kiddo]

I "cheated" once. There was a chemistry professor who let all her students take home their exam under the premise that we wouldn't work on it together. A lot of people were having trouble and so I helped them. Mind you, I didn't do it for them, but rather made them do it themselves while coaching them through the process.

The professor found out that students had worked together on the exam and set to find the "masterminds" behind the "scheme". I was really worried and considered confessing, but I am relieved I didn't because those who did confess were the only ones who were punished.

As far as relationships, hell no! What kind of person would I be if I did that sort of thing? A hypocrite and a loser for starters.

[aeon]

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

Would you/have you?

No and no.

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

Under what circumstances?

None.

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

What do you actually consider cheating?

Willful violation of the fidelity and monogany of intimacy shared between two people by means of, but not limited to, deceit, omission, or carelessness.


cheers,
Ian

[cafe]

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?

I have not. I hope that I would not. I actually go out of my way to avoid situations that might create the kind of courtship atmosphere in which it would be likely to happen. I do not believe I am incapable of cheating. I don't think anyone is.

If there is a gene for it, I have it. Both of my parents, my grandparents (they met while my grandma was married to a cheating husband and my grandpa talked my grandma into leaving the jerk and marrying him), my great-grandmother (she married out of economic necessity and cheated on her husband), all cheaters of sorts.

I'm fortunate. I love my husband and feel loved by him. I can't imagine a situation in which I'd betray his trust, but I don't doubt there is one out there. I work towards keeping what we've got good and an eye peeled for trouble. So far so good.

[toonia]

cafe made many important points in her post. Fidelity requires an early awareness of the problem before it grows into a complicated mess that can produce cheating. Avoiding situations that can foster intimate exchanges that could result in violating trust is one example. Also, acknowledging when you are most vulnerable to cheating yourself. If you are in a committed relationship in which you are left feeling rejected or mistreated, then your need to be validated by someone else increases. There are behaviors in relationships that are worse than cheating, although that doesn't diminish the pain it can cause. I do feel badly for people who are committed in a relationship, locked in financially or because of children, and who are grossly neglected or berated and invalidated every day of their life. These people die a slow death of the soul. These people are also vulnerable to have an affair if someone comes along and makes them feel like an actual person again. This is why I try to withhold judging what happens when other people cheat, and why I stay humble regarding my own limitations as a person.