INFPs attract unusual people?

[Strawberrylover]

By unusual I do not mean the good type of unusual. I mean the old/creepy/stalkerish/disturbed/unstable/mental disorder unusual.

Like you, my very close INFP friend meets the weirdest of the weirdos. He's like a magnet for the strange. He could take a walk around the neighborhood and witches, Republicans and people in the midst of psychotic breaks with reality would come out of the woodworks. OK just kidding about Republicans... maybe.

I think it's because INFPs are the softest people persons of all and are the least judgmental when they meet new people. ENFPs are open, but we're not as out there. We lead with our Ne, not with Fi. INFJs have a strong protective shell.

Not sure about ENFJs. I think some of them could be part of the weirdo pack. And according to PersonalityPage, their natural partner is the INFP.

[EJCC]

Does any of this resonate with you or am I way off base?

You're not way off base - in fact, you're spot on. A lot of that resonates with me, since I know so many NFs. My INFJ mom, in particular, is always complaining to me about how she's "surrounded by crazy people"! I have to tell her "It's because you're always so nice to them! You have to be FIRM."

[CzeCze]

Ha! Thanks EJCC! And I wanted to chime in with what Jewel Child and the ENTP (lol) said - I also attract randoms and kooky people and I have a great propensity for talking to them. Most of my friends, especially the female friends, have very little tolerance, let alone desire, to speak to kooky or random strangers.

Why INFPs moreso than other NFs attract trouble

ENTP/ENFP are both social and open so I'm sure we talk to a lot of "random" people and have a wide variety of acquaintances - but we also generally are unabashedly selfish.

You know that saying "you do you?" It totally applies to ENXP. We are attracted to things that *excite* us and we don't have much free time for much else. It sounds kinda cold but I think a lot of ENXP will tell you honestly the same. We very clearly and naturally show when we've lost interest in something and generally we don't even try to fake it. We don't know how to fake it. Our priority moreso than making sure other people feel comfortable and accomodating others (even with that annoying ENTP Fe wing that makes them so socially smooth sometimes, bah and lol) is our own contentment and enjoyment.

ENFJs are Fe creatures - very different. It may seem like ENFJs prioritize helping others but Fe is very group and social context oriented. Fe makes them show they caring but also gives them the ability to check people publicly for bad behavior and gives them no qualms for freely expressing how they feel. Fe also makes them much more socially capable of negotiating spaces and basically naturally excellent and creating and maintaining social boundaries. Here is the kicker - their care is also expressed in a way that is socially and context appropriate Their care usually makes sense and goes hand in hand with a sense of perspective because Fe's priority is not to focus on someone else to make them feel good, it's to do what is appropriate and "right" and often comforting people in need fits that criteria. But not always.

INFJs are J's. Enough said.

For all the reasons above, crazy/sketchy/dangerous people *know* that they can't really use or latch onto an ENFJ. And they know that a healthy ENFP/ENTP is good for giving them only so much attention before honestly, we lose interest and show it. And INFJs just are too inscrutable and not clearly open to them --> These generalizations are for *most* of the time.

INFPs - not so much any of the above. INFPs who have not gotten to the point of being firm are nice and accessible and overly accomodating to a fault. And really sketchy people can sense with bat-sonar accuracy who they can take advantage of.

[Skyward]

Everyone knows all those crazy people are the INJs that got curb-stomped by reality one too many times and snapped.

Though I see it as this, from the weirdo's perspective:

INFP
"Wow, that one wont run away -right- away. Maybe I can convince HER that eating human kidneys give you magical powers!"

ENFP
See above but add: "OH no, she has too many friends! Eeeek! Retreat! *Social anxiety kicks in*"

INFJ
"They're scary..."

ENFJ
"She'll eat me alive! STAY AWAY!"

[heart]

I would say that people are strange when you're the stranger in my case. People will tell me things they don't tell other people.

People will also act out towards me in ways they won't with other people. I am always having to fend off boundary violators and put them into their places.

So I think I see the strange side of many people who other people never know are capable of being that strange.

I tend to place this at the feet of the Fi shadow thing.

[PeaceBaby]

^ nice posts CzeCze

I too attract various assorted unique folks, and I still like to be welcoming and helpful to them, but I don't let "them" have "control" like I used to. (Basically I didn't know how to extricate myself from having to listen to them talk about themselves ALL the time and commiserating about themselves non-stop.)

You feel for people, and you want to help, but you need to build assertiveness skills as CzeCze says above. This feels tough but are skills that you will need and use through your whole life so I would recommend taking a course or two or at least reading some books on assertiveness. Here's one:

Amazon.com: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes: Duke Robinson: Books

[bearette]

my theory about creepy people being attracted to us is that creepy people are not good at reading social signals (hence why they are considered "creepy"), so they will approach anyone; the reason why it seems we only get attention from creepy guys is because "normal" guys, who can read social signals, often get signals from us to stay away or keep at a distance, perhaps because we are reserved on seems "spacey".

It's just a theory, and no doubt has holes in it...I do think there is also truth to the idea that we tolerate a lot of "weirdness" and also can understand it to a degree.

however, I have had strange people come up to me in public places, and I don't think they have any idea about my personality there.

for what it's worth, i have the same problem....weird strangers hitting on me in coffeeshops, buses, etc (not all the time, just occasionally), while normal, cute guys seem to just want to be friends with me, but not date me....

[thisGuy]

i think its a NF thing

[Elaur]

I think it's because INFP's are weird. Why wouldn't they attract weird people?

Same for all NF's. (NFP's?) I used to wonder why I attracted weirdos until I realized I'm weird. Seems sensible.

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

Same for all NF's. (NFP's?) I used to wonder why I attracted weirdos until I realized I'm weird. Seems sensible.

I don't think NFs are any weirder than any other type, unless we're talking about SJs. But everyone is weirder than SJs.