Although I think I'm not Ne, I could relate to what has been said in this thread.
My childhood from what I can remember was pretty much like what I have read here.
Talking that seems weird, unrelated to the current conversation. When I think it is in fact, related.
Called weird, yes definitely.
However from early childhood, I would always focus on one person at a time, never a group of friends. When I appeared on camera, I was the clown. When I saw it, I felt like sticking my head into the sand. When I went to high school, I flipped around, and became even more introverted. Instead of being the annoying kid in the class, I became the super silent one, new setting, new persona. Made a real good friend, only in high school. By inviting myself to his birthday party. My first real friend since I was 4 years old in pre-school, who I defended.
I think what set in high school, was depression and anger. Suppressing my anger mostly, that I didn't fit in, I wasn't in demand. Although I had a friend, it became worse. In my 20s, I focussed on my career but at the same time felt that I wasn't real to everyone around me, I started caring more about other people, those that I was not suppose to care about in a group setting. I wasn't true to myself, I submitted to what everyone else wanted, but never felt happy with myself. Nobody seemed to aligned with my values or even listened to what I wanted. My views were always seen as wrong.
From my parents, my mother was a double edged sword, she encouraged me with art, but she oppressed anything else that I expressed. There was more oppression than anything else that I can remember. I can't say that I was motived, more depressed most of the time since I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted to do.
She uses shame as a method to get what she wants.
I was a loner, no real friends. I mean friend where you can be yourself and share same values. Sure you get friends that accepts you, but not a 100% of it. I guess one cannot really expect that. I always felt cut off because my thinking is too different from everyone else.