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  1. #41
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    And, what enabled you to mellow-out? What did you notice?
    I got myself an ISFJ girlfriend. She'd make me notice where and how I was being just too much to handle. Even though, I feel slightly less effective when I listen to her recommendations (they may however be useful to be long-term effective).

    I notice that I'm better at handling formal communication now, whereas I used to always be fairly direct, which can be offputting.

    You? It seems you have understood what the potential "troubles" or your friend may be, but I'm not sure if he sees it in the same way, since he knows he will necessarily be placed in a subordinate position if he behaves in a compliant way, and that may be out of character for him.

    In the past, I have tried to be more compliant for the sake of a potentially good future and work stability, but I've seen that it rarely works to my benefit, since I end up executing tasks that don't fit my natural strenghts.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  2. #42
    Senior Member yeghor's Avatar
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    I think this may be what's going on with my friend:

    The more Eights build up their egos in order to protect themselves, the more sensitive they become to any real or imaginary slight to their self-respect, authority, or preeminence. The more they attempt to make themselves impervious to hurt or pain (whether physical or emotional), the more they “shut down” emotionally to become hardened and rock-like.

    Level 5: Begin to dominate their environment, including others: want to feel that others are behind them, supporting their efforts. Swaggering, boastful, forceful, and expansive: the "boss" whose word is law. Proud, egocentric, want to impose their will and vision on everything, not seeing others as equals or treating them with respect.

    Level 6: Become highly combative and intimidating to get their way: confrontational, belligerent, creating adversarial relationships. Everything a test of wills, and they will not back down. Use threats and reprisals to get obedience from others, to keep others off balance and insecure. However, unjust treatment makes others fear and resent them, possibly also band together against them.

  3. #43
    Senior Member yeghor's Avatar
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    Can it be that INTPs are schizoids whereas ENTJs are "secret schzioids"...?

    Many fundamentally schizoid individuals present with an engaging, interactive personality style that contradicts the observable characteristic emphasized by the DSM-IV and ICD-10 definitions of the schizoid personality.[9] Klein classifies these individuals as "secret schizoids",[9] who present themselves as socially available, interested, engaged and involved in interacting yet remain emotionally withdrawn and sequestered within the safety of the internal world.

    Withdrawal or detachment from the outer world is a characteristic feature of schizoid pathology, but may appear either in "classic" or in "secret" form. When classic, it matches the typical description of the schizoid personality offered in the DSM-IV. It is however "just as often" a hidden internal state: that which meets the objective eye may not match the subjective, internal world of the patient. Klein therefore cautions that one should not miss identifying the schizoid patient because one cannot see the patient's withdrawal through the patient's defensive, compensatory interaction with external reality. He suggests that one need only ask the patient what his or her subjective experience is in order to detect the presence of the schizoid refusal of emotional intimacy.[9]

    Descriptions of the schizoid personality as "hidden" behind an outward appearance of emotional engagement have been recognized as far back as 1940 with Fairbairn's description of "schizoid exhibitionism," in which the schizoid individual is able to express a great deal of feeling and to make what appear to be impressive social contacts yet in reality gives nothing and loses nothing. Because he is only "playing a part," his own personality is not involved. According to Fairbairn, "the person disowns the part which he is playing and thus the schizoid individual seeks to preserve his own personality intact and immune from compromise."[10]

    Further references to the secret schizoid come from Masud Khan,[11] Jeffrey Seinfeld[12] and Philip Manfield,[13] who give a palpable description of an SPD individual who actually "enjoys" regular public speaking engagements but experiences great difficulty in the breaks when audience members would attempt to engage him emotionally.[14] These references expose the problems involved in relying singularly on outer observable behavior for assessing the presence of personality disorders in certain individuals.

  4. #44
    Member Tippo's Avatar
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    It takes humility and "slowed thought" to reach present maximum effect and inner peace. Getting older, collecting experiences, has evolved me to a much more aware and empathetic person. I like me, I always have..... However, had I not experienced the conflict and struggle, I wouldn't have my latest self reassurance. I've learned money, possessions, are not my goal. It's the relationships with family and friends that now trumps my life. The realization that a person can create their own wealth, not depending on others was amazing. I've made money, I've lost money. No fear, I can go make exponential more money. I'm excited to reflect my future years, maybe I'll be a hippie not likely.....

  5. #45
    Member Tippo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    That points to internally defined self-worth...i.e. internal judging functions...I am trying to do that myself as well...My self-worth started to become more dependent on internal factors around 30...it's still vulnerable to external feedback though...

    My friend feels compelled to keep checking his T standing\worth against other people around...the problem with that is that he becomes condescending in the process... by establishing publicly the fact that he's the better cog, he's at the same time giving the other the message that the other is the worse cog... so there's some kind of public devaluation going on...

    There has to be another way for doing this without devaluing the others...
    You either know the material of debate or you pay attention to new relevant information to assist you in future engagements.
    Your friend sounds like a moron, tool, etc.
    All exchanges you experience impact your personality.
    This fool is making you dumber.

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