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Thread: Learned Fe

  1. #11
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I've always known how to work crowds. I'm sensitive to it and it comes naturally to me. In fact, the more I think about it, the worse I do. It's my moment of Zen. I think it has to do with listening to people. Sometimes I think I should have been an ESTP, but God didn't make me an ESTP. He made me a stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut.

    Holy fucking shit I'm going apeshit. LOL

  2. #12
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    Heck yeah. I think sometimes its a trial by fire thing. In short bursts I can feign Fe, but I get exposed in large crowds,if the situation calls for intricate knowledge, or complex(hectic) situations.

    Seriously, though, when I was younger I was basically in a group environment my whole life because of soccer. twenty plus guys on each team I was on, multiple tournies, multiple teams, and lots of trophy celebrations and speeches since I was that nice(more accurately my teams were).

    I guess part of the reason was also because I was sort of a defacto leader. Most good athletes are very cocky, selfish, self-centered and off putting and I was, by nature quiet and deflective of attention. I did learn to ramp up my Ne though to handle group dynamics.

    I would always feel bad because my connections were only skin deep. Off the field a lot of guys would try and talk to me to forge a deeper friendship but it was as if I could only compartmentalize. I was also severely retarded and didn't take advantage of the "groupie" effect from sports(no cocky) but yeah... typical INTP was absolutely shy, nervous and retarded when it came to girls. My Fe is still relatively weak in that regard even now.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  3. #13
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I just want to point out that this "learned" Fe people speak of is different from someone who uses it as their dominant function and it usually manifests itself differently. Me using my Ti doesn't look the same as a Ti dominant and a INFP using Ti looks different from both an ISTP and ENFJ.

    So when people say "learned Fe" it would be helpful to make this distinction. I really think that some of this learned Fe causes people to mistype others as evil ESFJs.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #14
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    quite true Protean- my sister is a natural Fe-dom (ENFJ) and she displays her natural Fe quite differently from my learned (or should I say "socially necissary") Fe.

    For one thing, she actually CARES about things, and does so deeply, while I'm merely nice because honey draws more flies than vinegar. For another thing, I can't manage to get as worked up about things as she manages to (NEVER anger an ENFJ, I learned)- which goes back to the point that, at the core I just don't really have the whole caring thing in me.

    Learned Fe, or fake Fe, to me is just what I use when selling things, getting people to do things like change my license plate or a free upgrade on coffee size and making sure that the police officer won't pull out his billy club. My sis's natural Fe is a force of nature- there's no stopping it really :horor:
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    ...
    ...I'm merely nice because honey draws more flies than vinegar.
    ...
    Precisely why I work on my Fe.
    That, and tired of being shunned by society and not having any friends.

  6. #16
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    But who needs flies.

  7. #17
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    But who needs flies.
    those of us who sell things for a living...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #18
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    quite true Protean- my sister is a natural Fe-dom (ENFJ) and she displays her natural Fe quite differently from my learned (or should I say "socially necissary") Fe.

    For one thing, she actually CARES about things, and does so deeply, while I'm merely nice because honey draws more flies than vinegar. For another thing, I can't manage to get as worked up about things as she manages to (NEVER anger an ENFJ, I learned)- which goes back to the point that, at the core I just don't really have the whole caring thing in me.

    Learned Fe, or fake Fe, to me is just what I use when selling things, getting people to do things like change my license plate or a free upgrade on coffee size and making sure that the police officer won't pull out his billy club. My sis's natural Fe is a force of nature- there's no stopping it really :horor:
    This is a really good description. That's how I use it, too--I am really naturally sensitive to others' feelings, but I don't have that driving need to CARE for others like a Fe dom would. I think I probably seem like I have a good amount of Fe, though. I just can't keep it up 24/7. People just seem so NEEDY to me.

  9. #19
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Ah.. When someone has my regard, I use far less Fe.

    I often use it to keep someone at an emotional distance. If I don't trust them. Or if I'm feeling them out.

  10. #20
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    From observation of people on this forum, I have seen several members who seem to have almost taught themselves to use Fe to a much greater degree than they probably naturally would use it. I'll admit to having taught myself to be a lot nicer and more diplomatic than I was when younger, because it gets me my way and wins arguments more frequently.

    I was just wondering about others' inputs-

    why would you develop a trait that you would not naturally use as much?

    what are the benefits of this?

    does it ever feel like it was a learned, as opposed to natural, trait?
    Most assuredly.

    Ti primary
    Fe secondary --> 8w9
    Te tertiary



    So accounts for an efficient model of communication (insofar as I've had the pleasure of experiencing) with others.

    Growing up in a smaller city forced me to make due with those around me; this unavoidable social obstacle (if indeed an obstacle it was/is) made me work things out with others, if I wanted to succeed/enrich my ambition. In retrospect, I'm quite happy that I learned to seek a sense of cooperation, as opposed to competition, with others. This exchange allowed me into areas once foreign, as a result of my sharpened Fe.

    Remember - adherence to rules/etiquette does not imply sincerity. Keep this thought in your pocket. People are complex creatures.


    Fe functions as a handshake; Te is a clenched fist.

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