I've realized something that I'm not sure is true or not, but that seems very true. I haven't rigorously examined it yet, but here it is:
I often ignore things or don't accept things because they are too painful to accept, and I know this as soon as I start to try to think about them and objectively asses them, and because I unconsciously know it is going to be a realization that leads to a lot of pain I immediately avoid thinking about it, in fact become confused about it; I find it hard to compute, because my mind seems to be resisting feeling that pain by resisting acknowledging that fact.
But not acknowledging that one fact often makes me confused about the entire context of that fact and all the facts related to it. In other words, if I'm trying to examine a topic and come to an opinion about it, the omission of just one or two facts can completely confuse me about the entire topic. But it's a confusion I cannot think away, because again and again my mind unconsciously butts up against this inner barrier to understanding and logical soundness. Hmmm.
Also, this conflict seems to lead to anxiety, because part of me really wants to look at that thing, knows I must for my own sake, because how can an organism survive when it does not acknowledge and process reality? But some part of me also knows that it will be painful for me, very painful. And a part of me knows that I do not know how to adequately cope with that pain. So it's a dilemma.
In the end, usually the hand that says, "Ignorance!" wins, perhaps because it thinks this is the best way to cope. And maybe, in fact, it is, since it seems to believe (perhaps rightly) that I do not know how to cope with my emotional pain healthily - so the best thing to do is to not face it. This conflict is often a completely unconscious one, mind you; until now.
Do you suppose virtually everyone is predisposed to this behavior, or just certain people? Another question that veers a little off-topic but that I think is still relevant: What do you think is meant when a person says, "Ts have trouble processing their emotions"? Do you think it means they have trouble acknowledging them, feeling them, or being aware of them at any level of consciousness? Do you think it means they have trouble coping with those emotions?
The reason I'm asking is because it seems Ts seem to run up against this problem a lot less than Fs. But if they're said to have trouble processing their emotions, whatever that means really, how can this be? Does not the running from emotions seem to lead to this ignorance of reality, for purposes of protection? [Edit: Is running from emotions similar to or different from not being able to process them?] If you are afraid to feel a feeling, you might refuse to acknowledge something because you aren't sure you can cope with the pain comes with acknowledging this reality...
So my final question is, what exactly is the nature of the relationship Ts share with emotions and feelings? Do they suppress/repress? Do they logically analyze the reasons for their emotions, which can be found in their perceptions, and evaluate whether their perception of reality is right or not, thus eliminating unnecessary (and inaccurate, since they are based on inaccurate facts) emotions?
Or do they, as I am beginning to wonder, actually have an EASIER time feeling coping with their emotions than Fs, for whatever reason?
So here is a brief summary of my logical reasoning, and it is this sequence of logical deductions I want you to address: (1) Being afraid to feel a feeling leads to ignorance of a fact which is the cause of that painful feeling. Do you think this is true? Why or why not? (2) Do NTs seem to run up against this conflict I have described less than Fs? Why or why not? (3) If you agree that they seem to run up against this conflict less than Fs, what does that say about the nature of their relationship to their feelings? Does it actually mean they have an easier time feeling their feelings and facing them?
Is my logical analysis at any step wrong? Where? Why?
I really hope you guys follow me. Your thoughts? Need a couple clarifications? Fire away.