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  1. #1
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Question A question for Extroverts about Solitude.

    I keep on hearing how extroverts will start to feel "nutty" or "depressed" after having spent too much time alone, but I never hear this expounded upon further.

    What are you thinking and feeling exactly when this happens? Why do you think you get into this mind state? Have any of you learned to be alone and avoid all these feelings to some degree or all together?

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    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I keep on hearing how extroverts will start to feel "nutty" or "depressed" after having spent too much time alone, but I never hear this expounded upon further.

    What are you thinking and feeling exactly when this happens? Why do you think you get into this mind state? Have any of you learned to be alone and avoid all these feelings to some degree or all together?

    What depresses me personally is the steadily growing feeling that I'm missing out on something important by not being out there communicating with others. I get into this wierd "life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it" mode. I'm happiest and feel most creative and engaged when I have some outside stimulus to react to and bounce around ideas with and I thrive off the feeling that that what I'm doing is somehow externally tangible. Being alone starts to feel like a negative stasis after a bit.

    Still, I do spend a good amount of time alone - but I'm an only child and was very socially anxious for a number of years, so I think I've been trained well (I only recently began to type myself as an extrovert). I stay happy as long as I stay busy or feel like I have a number of things to occupy myself with back and forth - things that might benefit me at a later time (like studying a language) or arts and crafts type projects. On average, I start to get really lazy and restless after more than two days alone, and I don't mean alone as in shut away in a room - I mean more than two days without meaningful social contact.

  3. #3
    Senior Member VanillaCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I keep on hearing how extroverts will start to feel "nutty" or "depressed" after having spent too much time alone, but I never hear this expounded upon further.

    What are you thinking and feeling exactly when this happens? Why do you think you get into this mind state? Have any of you learned to be alone and avoid all these feelings to some degree or all together?
    I start to think that I might not be as good of a friend as I thought, that no one likes me, etc. I also start to think life is pointless. I get into this mind state after friends don't contact me for a while, when in fact, they freaking talked to me 4 hours before or something dumb. I just get way too emotional to realize what the situation really is.

    Still, I do like being alone. It's not really a problem for me, but only when it's by choice. I hate being along when it's a result of someone canceling on me, or when I don't have a ride to get somewhere.

    Anyway, I try to avoid these feelings by calling someone or finding something to distract me, like a good movie or tv show. It works okay.
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  4. #4
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    I noticed that "nutty" is in quotes.
    Who said that?

    I don't mind being alone.
    I mind...
    I dunno. Being bored, I suppose.
    I mind being stuck in a situation for longer than I'm comfortable. Sometimes it's hard to tune out the boring things.
    Is can probably do it better, but probably just the P ones.
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    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocapszy View Post
    I noticed that "nutty" is in quotes.
    Who said that?

    I don't mind being alone.
    I mind...
    I dunno. Being bored, I suppose.
    I mind being stuck in a situation for longer than I'm comfortable. Sometimes it's hard to tune out the boring things.
    Is can probably do it better, but probably just the P ones.

    Yeah, being bored and not knowing what to do to get out of it is the worst of it.

  6. #6
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocapszy View Post
    I noticed that "nutty" is in quotes.
    Who said that?

    I don't mind being alone.
    I mind...
    I dunno. Being bored, I suppose.
    I mind being stuck in a situation for longer than I'm comfortable. Sometimes it's hard to tune out the boring things.
    Is can probably do it better, but probably just the P ones.
    "Nutty" and "depressed" are the two adjectives that come to mind from what I've heard on INTPc and here and the few times I've heard it referenced IRL.

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    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    i guess it just throws me out of my rhythm. i am at my best when i am talking to someone, interacting on all levels. perhaps interaction validates my thoughts for me or something. it's good to have someone to bounce my ideas off. i could be quite ENTP in that way.

  8. #8
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    this is a bit of a generality but i guess you cant get much deeper than that lol

    i just get restless
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  9. #9
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    I feel totally at ease being alone, unless I feel like there are things outstanding. Sometimes I can feel guilty about being selfish or lazy if I take alone time, but really owe a friend a return call or email or coffee date, etc. Maybe the "nutty" feeling is when you can't turn off the mental to-do list long enough to feel peacefully alone. (yoga helps!)

    I'm getting better at this, but I used to not being able to feel ok with an issue I was going through until I called a bunch of different friends to discuss. My mind couldn't be at ease until someone else would tell me what I already knew to be true. I think as I become more self-aware I can figure more things out with my own opinions and I'm better at dealing alone.

  10. #10
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Very good, and very accurate responses.. I relate entirely. Sometimes, it ranges from simple restlessness and cabin fever to extreme dementia of the actual reality, like what VanillaCat described.

    If I CHOOSE to have a nice, quiet evening alone, it rocks.. and sometimes I can make the best of situations where I am alone. but more often than not, it's depressing knowing no one called me tonight to invite me anywhere, OR EVEN WORSE!! When *I* Am the ONLY one calling people to keep in touch. Like it'd kill them to pick up the phone and TRY to call me every once in a while, even if I DIDNT answer their attempts would be appreciated!! It makes me feel like I'm the only one wanting the friendship and connections there.
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