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Thread: ENTJ or ENFJ?

  1. #21
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    I see this as utilitarianism/cooperation in goals, not efficiency alone. I happen to find it more efficient to get people 'on my team' then try to be a dictator. I could succeed where others failed because people would want to do what I wanted if that makes sense.
    That's exactly what I thought you meant. Way ahead of that technique, no that I mind either method really, I'm soo used to being organised I just smile and wave
    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    Haha!! This is funny because when things would not go how the ENTJ said it would he would send out 'hate mails'. The managers I got along with would call me to interpret . He in turn would try and show me how to look objectively at situations that got under my skin.
    Hmm.. well I guess the age gap between my sister and my father accounts for a lot cause he doesn't really do hate.. he does extremely disappointed and slightly miffed mostly. Really pissed off would mean he wouldn't want to use anything other than face to face confrontation. He goes all red and shouty and stuff.. It's quite funny really. OF course he rarely see's this as humorous

    The objective thing though is something I've found with both ENFJs and ENFPs. Like all types they need assistance usually in building their opposite type into their thinking. With my sister it's taken her a long time but now she's peaceful where as before she was a storm.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    I ended up working in the home office store for over a year in close proximity. We did balance each other out quite a bit. We would ask for the others opinion/view on things. We had an F/T clash in many areas however got along quite well.
    F/T clash? I would have thought that as both are known for making plans for the team and including the team that there wouldn't be much of a problem. I am finding out though that my "case studies" are odd balls
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  2. #22
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Basically I think ENTJs and ENFJs begin have the same starting point with how they view things but they just go about it in different ways. Te probably makes ENTJs more vocal, but I often think the same things, I just don't always say it because of Fe. I hope this makes sense.
    It makes perfect sense. It also quantifies what I was picking up as the similarity. I'd not conceptualised Fe in that sense before, its very helpful thanks.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  3. #23
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I know an ENTJ in his 40's, who's very personable and tends to be very aware of others' feelings, and careful not to hurt them. However, it gives the false impression that it's because he cares in the same way as an ENFJ might, when in fact it's just that he's older and wiser now and has learned that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. He says that while, in his past, he would just say what he thought and damn what anyone thought of it, he's learned that this can sometimes come back on him when he needs the cooperation or help of someone who earlier he offended or made a bad impression on. He's nowhere near as overbearing as the ENTJ stereotype, because he's learned to be more subtle - he says himself, "I've learned how to manipulate and control without people realising it, by making them think it's what they want and need". I think I may've had a bad influence on him...

    I also know an ENFJ who can seem very cold sometimes and often doesn't come across as being as warm as his type profile suggests, because although he listens to others and helps if he can, he's become quite rigid in his routines and ways of doing things, quite closed off to new ideas or methods, and also he never opens up about himself. I've worked with him quite closely for over a year, and though I know him well enough to confidently type him ENFJ, I know very little else about him - though not for want of my trying to be friendly, and we've had dozens of conversations. He's also never once praised me for my work, or taken up any of the ideas I've come up with, which is rather discouraging. Just this week I saw someone try to go to him with a problem and suggest that 'the way things are done here' needs revising, and all she went away with, was a booklet of instructions on how to just carry on doing things his way anyway. He's quite stuck in his ways and it causes a lot of upset 'below'. Especially because if you try to sort it out, he's so conflict-avoidant, that he just won't talk about it. He'll shelve it by saying you have to make an appointment to talk about it, so he has time to prepare a persuasion tactic and you always go away having been smooth-talked into giving up your point of view and needs.

    Where the ENTJ may not let you have your say because he doesn't want to be undermined, the ENFJ won't let you express yourself for fear of it causing conflict or embarrassment, and tries to placate and hush you up ASAP.
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  4. #24
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander
    That's exactly what I thought you meant. Way ahead of that technique, no that I mind either method really, I'm soo used to being organised I just smile and wave
    You give yourself quite a bit of credit in the intuition department. Chances are highly likely you wouldn't catch on (for quite some time anyway) to what I was doing sister or no!
    F/T clash? I would have thought that as both are known for making plans for the team and including the team that there wouldn't be much of a problem.
    Yes in my previous post I mentioned how our 'styles' of communication and getting jobs accomplished were different. I remember quite clearly 'debates' that we had about this. I especially remember the debate when I told him his problem was that he was a control freak ! He was in his mid-forties. He told me that long ago he accepted the fact he enjoyed being in control and made no bones about it. I on the other hand hadn't accepted it yet though I was just as bad as he was. I was just 'shrewd' about it. I would learn that it was better to be direct someday.
    I am finding out though that my "case studies" are odd balls
    This is only logical seeing that they are hanging around you!
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I know an ENTJ in his 40's, who's very personable and tends to be very aware of others' feelings, and careful not to hurt them. However, it gives the false impression that it's because he cares in the same way as an ENFJ might, when in fact it's just that he's older and wiser now and has learned that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. He says that while, in his past, he would just say what he thought and damn what anyone thought of it, he's learned that this can sometimes come back on him when he needs the cooperation or help of someone who earlier he offended or made a bad impression on. He's nowhere near as overbearing as the ENTJ stereotype, because he's learned to be more subtle - he says himself, "I've learned how to manipulate and control without people realising it, by making them think it's what they want and need". I think I may've had a bad influence on him...

    I also know an ENFJ who can seem very cold sometimes and often doesn't come across as being as warm as his type profile suggests, because although he listens to others and helps if he can, he's become quite rigid in his routines and ways of doing things, quite closed off to new ideas or methods, and also he never opens up about himself. I've worked with him quite closely for over a year, and though I know him well enough to confidently type him ENFJ, I know very little else about him - though not for want of my trying to be friendly, and we've had dozens of conversations. He's also never once praised me for my work, or taken up any of the ideas I've come up with, which is rather discouraging. Just this week I saw someone try to go to him with a problem and suggest that 'the way things are done here' needs revising, and all she went away with, was a booklet of instructions on how to just carry on doing things his way anyway. He's quite stuck in his ways and it causes a lot of upset 'below'. Especially because if you try to sort it out, he's so conflict-avoidant, that he just won't talk about it. He'll shelve it by saying you have to make an appointment to talk about it, so he has time to prepare a persuasion tactic and you always go away having been smooth-talked into giving up your point of view and needs.

    Where the ENTJ may not let you have your say because he doesn't want to be undermined, the ENFJ won't let you express yourself for fear of it causing conflict or embarrassment, and tries to placate and hush you up ASAP.
    Interesting. I've had the exact same experiences with the two ENTJs and 2 ENFJs I know (who are in their 30s). One of the ENTJs is not as smooth as the one you describe but the other is.

    The ENFJ descriptions were right on from my personal experience.

  6. #26
    Member mkobrien76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post

    Thanks guys. Now I know Mike is definately ENFJ and not ENTJ.
    Finally i have been quantified.
    I wish i could speak correctly, i'm sick of people laughing at me

  7. #27
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    You give yourself quite a bit of credit in the intuition department. Chances are highly likely you wouldn't catch on (for quite some time anyway) to what I was doing sister or no!
    I was just being honest, sorry. It was exactly what I thought you meant. Shouldn't have said so should I. Still learning.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    This is only logical seeing that they are hanging around you!
    Two psycho analysts. They got messed up in the head waaay before I could have exerted much influence
    Quote Originally Posted by meanlittlechimp View Post
    Interesting. I've had the exact same experiences with the two ENTJs and 2 ENFJs I know (who are in their 30s). One of the ENTJs is not as smooth as the one you describe but the other is.

    The ENFJ descriptions were right on from my personal experience.
    I think it correlates to negative/ positive feedback preference.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  8. #28

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    This might help.

    ENFJ - ESTJ / ESTP / ENTJ

    The Fine Art of Clarifying Type by Dr. Linda V. Berens

    I had a client who in the workshop Self-Discovery Process® sorted first as Artisan, then as Guardian, then as In-Charge™. Her behavior looked ESTJ like and even ENTJ like in the workshop. Her MBTI® instrument results pointed her to ENFJ and she said the descriptions of ENFJ from various sources fit her perfectly.

    All of these share the In-Charge™ Interaction Style and in a time and task situation will move quickly to focusing on getting an achievable result as soon as possible. ENFJs in counseling, coaching, and OD often don’t recognize their own In-Charge™ style, but this woman was different. She was clear on that style. Her background was business, with many years as a successful senior executive where time and task and quick decisions rule. These four types also share the In-Charge™ style of straightforward and direct communication and although

    ENFJs will soften the message at times, they still tend to be directing and determined in their verbal and non-verbal behavior.

    ENFJ-ESTJ: Both are affiliative and seek a sense of community and interdependence. Both want to have roles clearly defined.

    ENFJ-ESTP: ENFJs often have a sense of style and aesthetics that looks more Artisan than Idealist. They also can get into that fun-loving place of experiencing and enjoying the physical moment. Both of these behaviors may be evidence of engaging their tertiary cognitive process of Se in a relief role.

    ENFJ-ENTJ: Cleary the business background played strongly in how this woman typically behaved and is a clear case of the environment influencing type development. She may have acquired a great deal of TJ (Te) skill in her work. However, these two types share Ni and so the sense of foreseeing and visioning would appear similar in both. Also, my client disclosed that she had overachieving parents whom she continually wanted to please and connect with (Fe) so the very strong achievement orientation we often see in _NTJs was there. Additionally, Ti plays an Aspirational role in ENFJ and we often see a seeking of clarity around definitions and principles that is usually a characteristic of the Rational temperament.

    Te: If she had not been free to be her ENFJ self growing up and in her work, she may have been forced to develop skill in Te in a way that we might not expect from a process that usually plays a somewhat Devilish role in the personality. She may have tapped into it in a more transformative way as she structured her life to be who she thought she needed to be. This would explain both the ESTJ and ENTJ look to her behavior.

  9. #29
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanlittlechimp View Post
    ENFJs often have a sense of style and aesthetics that looks more Artisan than Idealist.
    That serves to explain a result Proteanmix received in a personality test a week or so ago.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    This would also coincide with Brendans idea that ENFJs are as much as, if not more, of the 'social chameleon' then the INTP. I am inclined to agree.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

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