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  1. #31
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    Recently I decided to devote a lot less energy (like almost none) to a friend who kept four of us waiting 45 minutes for lunch (that's a total of 3 hours) for no good reason, she just wanted to make one more shopping stop before meeting us. This was not an isolated incident, just the last one. I don't have that kind of time to waste anymore.
    Ewwww!!!

    There are two people at my new job (not management) who go out to lunch together every day and they've never once asked me to join them. They also get take-out coffee, but only for each other; the one time I asked if I could get in on that, it was done most reluctantly. These behaviors make me dislike and resent them.
    The fact that you even had to ask pisses me off!!!

    :steam:

    Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #32
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    IMO, color is very very effective. It alters my mood drastically. It got to the point where I couldn't even wear black underwear anymore because I was such a storm cloud. I can hardly tolerate red against my skin, or near my face (except for lipstick) because it alters my mood so much. I only wore red when I was in "battle" mode. The color is generally "too hot" for my Fe-primary to handle calmly. I tend to submarine and become very cold and aggressive. It seems to extrovert my worst tendencies.

    I have to be in the right mood to wear it, when all the planets align that is.

    Green was a color I began to wear a lot when I sick. It seems to draw vital energy to you.
    I'm with you about Red. I can't wear it myself unless the planets or holidays are aligned and I don't like it on my husband. He has 2 or 3 red shirts I hate. Part of the reason is they're orangey red and he looks better in cooler reds, but there's an emotional component, too. They get me stirred up and not in a good way.

    I can't wear unrelieved black next to my face, but I love all other forms.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  3. #33
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Yeah, FJs don't like to feel like they're being excluded or like they're not welcome (or maybe it's just EFJs) or being blown off although I suppose most people don't like being blown off. But then you've got the blowers and the blowees and I don't think FJs often fall into the latter category. I make such an effort to include everyone that when people don't even think about including me or forget me I'm offended. But then we're quite the awesomest when showing our assess to people we don't like so I guess the universe is balanced.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #34
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

    "Bad" basically means "inappropriate".

  5. #35
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I usually evaluate things with Ti but I have a strong Fe.

    It's ingrained in me that there's a certain way you treat people in a community setting; and while I can parse the intellectual content from someone's comments, if they're being a complete a-hole I'll just ignore them until they "play nice."

    So if you talk over top other people, I don't care what your ideas are (although the whole time I'm recording them, evaluating them, and incorporating the good ones internally); I will not acknowledge you until you wait your turn and act respectfully. Or I'll take the other tact and get blunt.

    And if you're a good thinker but you treat people with self-hubris or with loathing or just behave badly, I won't bother to engage you much in the group setting. (I'll consider one-on-one if your behavior changes outside the group context, but mostly that doesn't happen.)

    I don't know why that is. I will read books by people who I don't particularly like, if I think their ideas are good. It's not really personal, because I'll feel that I don't like someone but as soon as they start interacting appropriately, I'll be totally fine with them; it's the behavior, not the person, that turns me off. But I don't want to invest relationally in people who just don't treat other people as equal valued beings. It's what I learned growing up, it's what I learned from being a parent and have taught my kids, and I guess it sank in because it meshes intellectually with my own sense of all people being mortal and being on an equal playing field.

    A social unit that does not reinforce the equal value of its members will either destroy itself or it will become a tool for the strong to prey on the weak.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #36
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

    "Bad" basically means "inappropriate".
    Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

    If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.

    If I spit in private, I'm a slob.

    If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".

    If I curse in public or private, I am classless.

    If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.

    If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #37
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

    If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.
    If I spit in private, I'm a slob.
    If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".
    If I curse in public or private, I am classless.
    If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.
    If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )
    So is she just riding you without warrant or respect, or would her standards actually help you to be a more effective participant in society?

    I suppose that's the real question, isn't it?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #38
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    So is she just riding you without warrant or respect, or would her standards actually help you to be a more effective participant in society?

    I suppose that's the real question, isn't it?
    Lol, for sure, she wants me to be a square.

    Honestly, I do believe *some* of her complaints are completely warranted.

    I am a considerate person when it comes to shit that matters, I am compassionate and kind but I am a bit wacko and "unrefined", if you will.

    But, hmm, compromise is the key to many fruitful things, so I should take some of the stuff she complains about more to heart.

    Thanks for making me think about this!!!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #39
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

    If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.

    If I spit in private, I'm a slob.

    If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".

    If I curse in public or private, I am classless.

    If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.

    If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )
    Sounds more like Si/Fe.

    Ni/Fe keeps coming up with its own system of appropriateness. Si/Fe picks one system and stabilizes it.

  10. #40
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    The fact that you even had to ask pisses me off!!!

    :steam:

    Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!
    Seriously. What is this - 8th grade??


    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    I'm with you about Red. I can't wear it myself unless the planets or holidays are aligned and I don't like it on my husband. He has 2 or 3 red shirts I hate. Part of the reason is they're orangey red and he looks better in cooler reds, but there's an emotional component, too. They get me stirred up and not in a good way.

    I can't wear unrelieved black next to my face, but I love all other forms.
    Oh good, I'm glad someone can relate. I've always felt a bit strange about that particular "quirk" of mine. Jaye is similar about certain colors too. I can wear black (like I am now, incidentally) but "hot" colors? They turn me into a cold inferno. I can wear a hot pink, which seems to stop just short of my volcanism in a good spot. If I wore red, someone was going to get it. I used to wear bright red lipstick with blackened raccoon eyes and unblushed pale skin. That was war paint. I'm sure I could handle it bit better now, but I'd certainly be "in character" in all red. Unless something fundamentally changes, I can't or choose not to wear it.

    An INTJ friend of mine, she loves red, but she's "cool" and can take the heat. Red gives her level disposition a charge. For me, it's just throwing fuel on a fire that's already sky high.

    A friend of mine, an ISFJ, saw a psychic once who told her that red was a "shield" color.


    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

    "Bad" basically means "inappropriate".
    Oh yeah? Then explain why my ENFP twin is always correcting *me*. haha.... we got into a fierce conversation the other day and she said she felt like she was wrestling a greased pig. oops!

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