How do Fe-doms decide when to hate or dislike someone?

[Dwigie]

I try my best not to be bothered by people, I don't "hate" anyone either that's funny I asked myself that question before and me and my friend couldn't come up with an answer either. Just a few people we didn't like very much, plus I overuse the term hate but I don't "feel" hate, just a bit of resentment from long lasting grudges.
It's very hard to get "deep" in my bad side...if you do it's probably forever though, luckily this works with my good side too.^^

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I tend to write-off people who I observe/decide are useless, boring, stupid or hateful. In other words pretty much like everyone else. I think I give people the benefit of the doubt more then others which can be construed as wanting to always get along. Usually how it works is that even though instinct tells me I am right about someone I don't want to write them off. I want to believe and see what is good about a person. It takes me a long time usually to decide to completely write someone off and when that happens it usually sticks. They will also have little doubt about what I think about them. If I have decided that you are not worth my time it's highly unlikely that you will even be confronted. Confronting you usually means I care (at least somewhat) about your opinion/side to an issue or that I'm willing to take time to show you mine. I'm not sure it that answered it or not.

 

[redacted]

I decide not to like people if they make the situation worse on average than better. "The situation" includes the feelings of the group, with slightly more weight on my own.

Everything depends on the group I'm in, too. I can really dislike behavior A around group B but not care about behavior A around group C. Everything affects everything else.

But there are some people that, even across situations, make me more annoyed than happy, so those are the people I don't like.

(I know I'm not a dom-Fe, but whatever.)

 

[Brendan]

I love Fe-Doms. They just flirt the best

Hell yes!

Hmmm.... Fe is a tad unusual.

Uh yeah.

 

[Ishida]

I don't get Fe. Colors affecting your mood? I'll admit though that I don't hate anyone and even find it hard to dislike people without a logical reason. Last person I didn't really like was because of how they treated their mother.

 

[MEC]

uff

LOL don't encourage me

 

[Cimarron]

I don't get Fe. Colors affecting your mood?

It sounds like witchcraft to me! But more seriously, I think I can vaguely see where that's coming from. It's why I don't wear bright colors very often, because they don't match my personality. I'm not a "bright" person...

 

[Tallulah]

My hero.

I instantly hate some people too, but usually they turn out to be really nice people, and I never feel guilty about it. I've become good friends with people I hated straight off the bat just because I didn't like their mannerisms or forehead or haircut or something.

Oh, me, too. I wonder sometimes if it's just knowing that I only have a certain amount of energy, so it's good to go ahead and filter out some folks, and excuse myself from being obligated to friendship.

 

[Jae Rae]

Recently I decided to devote a lot less energy (like almost none) to a friend who kept four of us waiting 45 minutes for lunch (that's a total of 3 hours) for no good reason, she just wanted to make one more shopping stop before meeting us. This was not an isolated incident, just the last one. I don't have that kind of time to waste anymore.

She's called twice and I've let the machine pick up. I've emailed back our news but haven't made plans to see her. When she tells me "I've set aside such and such a time to see you" I'll consider it. So, to answer the OP, I don't write people off for no reason. I give them many chances.

There are two people at my new job (not management) who go out to lunch together every day and they've never once asked me to join them. They also get take-out coffee, but only for each other; the one time I asked if I could get in on that, it was done most reluctantly. These behaviors make me dislike and resent them.

 

[SillySapienne]

My mother is an Fe dom, and she is a bit of an exception, I believe, because she is an intuitive, (not in the typological, sense). She's an ESFJ.

But I must say, she will meet someone and within milliseconds feel them out and assess their goodness, or badness, and nine out of ten times, she is SPOT ON, in her assessments.

This has always boggled me, my mother is not that smart, (in the classical sense), yet when it comes to people she is a fucking genius.

She can tell when people are depressed, on drugs, lonely, sad, insincere, you name it, her ability to glean information from non-verbal cues is nothing less than astounding!!!

 

[SillySapienne]

Recently I decided to devote a lot less energy (like almost none) to a friend who kept four of us waiting 45 minutes for lunch (that's a total of 3 hours) for no good reason, she just wanted to make one more shopping stop before meeting us. This was not an isolated incident, just the last one. I don't have that kind of time to waste anymore.

Ewwww!!!

There are two people at my new job (not management) who go out to lunch together every day and they've never once asked me to join them. They also get take-out coffee, but only for each other; the one time I asked if I could get in on that, it was done most reluctantly. These behaviors make me dislike and resent them.

The fact that you even had to ask pisses me off!!!

:steam:

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

 

[Jae Rae]

IMO, color is very very effective. It alters my mood drastically. It got to the point where I couldn't even wear black underwear anymore because I was such a storm cloud. I can hardly tolerate red against my skin, or near my face (except for lipstick) because it alters my mood so much. I only wore red when I was in "battle" mode. The color is generally "too hot" for my Fe-primary to handle calmly. I tend to submarine and become very cold and aggressive. It seems to extrovert my worst tendencies.

I have to be in the right mood to wear it, when all the planets align that is.

Green was a color I began to wear a lot when I sick. It seems to draw vital energy to you.

I'm with you about Red. I can't wear it myself unless the planets or holidays are aligned and I don't like it on my husband. He has 2 or 3 red shirts I hate. Part of the reason is they're orangey red and he looks better in cooler reds, but there's an emotional component, too. They get me stirred up and not in a good way.

I can't wear unrelieved black next to my face, but I love all other forms.

 

[proteanmix]

Yeah, FJs don't like to feel like they're being excluded or like they're not welcome (or maybe it's just EFJs) or being blown off although I suppose most people don't like being blown off. But then you've got the blowers and the blowees and I don't think FJs often fall into the latter category. I make such an effort to include everyone that when people don't even think about including me or forget me I'm offended. But then we're quite the awesomest when showing our assess to people we don't like so I guess the universe is balanced.

 

[redacted]

Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

"Bad" basically means "inappropriate".

 

[Totenkindly]

I usually evaluate things with Ti but I have a strong Fe.

It's ingrained in me that there's a certain way you treat people in a community setting; and while I can parse the intellectual content from someone's comments, if they're being a complete a-hole I'll just ignore them until they "play nice."

So if you talk over top other people, I don't care what your ideas are (although the whole time I'm recording them, evaluating them, and incorporating the good ones internally); I will not acknowledge you until you wait your turn and act respectfully. Or I'll take the other tact and get blunt.

And if you're a good thinker but you treat people with self-hubris or with loathing or just behave badly, I won't bother to engage you much in the group setting. (I'll consider one-on-one if your behavior changes outside the group context, but mostly that doesn't happen.)

I don't know why that is. I will read books by people who I don't particularly like, if I think their ideas are good. It's not really personal, because I'll feel that I don't like someone but as soon as they start interacting appropriately, I'll be totally fine with them; it's the behavior, not the person, that turns me off. But I don't want to invest relationally in people who just don't treat other people as equal valued beings. It's what I learned growing up, it's what I learned from being a parent and have taught my kids, and I guess it sank in because it meshes intellectually with my own sense of all people being mortal and being on an equal playing field.

A social unit that does not reinforce the equal value of its members will either destroy itself or it will become a tool for the strong to prey on the weak.

 

[SillySapienne]

Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

"Bad" basically means "inappropriate".

Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.

If I spit in private, I'm a slob.

If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".

If I curse in public or private, I am classless.

If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.

If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )

 

[Totenkindly]

Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.
If I spit in private, I'm a slob.
If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".
If I curse in public or private, I am classless.
If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.
If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )

So is she just riding you without warrant or respect, or would her standards actually help you to be a more effective participant in society?

I suppose that's the real question, isn't it?

 

[SillySapienne]

So is she just riding you without warrant or respect, or would her standards actually help you to be a more effective participant in society?

I suppose that's the real question, isn't it?

Lol, for sure, she wants me to be a square.

Honestly, I do believe *some* of her complaints are completely warranted.

I am a considerate person when it comes to shit that matters, I am compassionate and kind but I am a bit wacko and "unrefined", if you will.

But, hmm, compromise is the key to many fruitful things, so I should take some of the stuff she complains about more to heart.

Thanks for making me think about this!!!

 

[redacted]

Yes, my mom is ALL about appropriateness and inappropriateness, lol, and having me as her "shameless" ENFP daughter has caused both her and I much strife.

If I burp out loud, lol, in public, I'm a heathen.

If I spit in private, I'm a slob.

If I leave the house without combing my hair or looking slovenly dressed, I look like a "low, crazy person".

If I curse in public or private, I am classless.

If I am too loud or opinionated, I am unladylike.

If I am dressed too provocatively, translation if a centimeter of cleavage is showing, I'm dressed like a whore. (She doesn't explicitly say that, but she likes me best when I look like a 40 year old chaste republican )

Sounds more like Si/Fe.

Ni/Fe keeps coming up with its own system of appropriateness. Si/Fe picks one system and stabilizes it.

 

[Domino]

The fact that you even had to ask pisses me off!!!

:steam:

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Seriously. What is this - 8th grade??

I'm with you about Red. I can't wear it myself unless the planets or holidays are aligned and I don't like it on my husband. He has 2 or 3 red shirts I hate. Part of the reason is they're orangey red and he looks better in cooler reds, but there's an emotional component, too. They get me stirred up and not in a good way.

I can't wear unrelieved black next to my face, but I love all other forms.

Oh good, I'm glad someone can relate. I've always felt a bit strange about that particular "quirk" of mine. Jaye is similar about certain colors too. I can wear black (like I am now, incidentally) but "hot" colors? They turn me into a cold inferno. I can wear a hot pink, which seems to stop just short of my volcanism in a good spot. If I wore red, someone was going to get it. I used to wear bright red lipstick with blackened raccoon eyes and unblushed pale skin. That was war paint. I'm sure I could handle it bit better now, but I'd certainly be "in character" in all red. Unless something fundamentally changes, I can't or choose not to wear it.

An INTJ friend of mine, she loves red, but she's "cool" and can take the heat. Red gives her level disposition a charge. For me, it's just throwing fuel on a fire that's already sky high.

A friend of mine, an ISFJ, saw a psychic once who told her that red was a "shield" color.

Fe is an appropriateness monitor.

"Bad" basically means "inappropriate".

Oh yeah? Then explain why my ENFP twin is always correcting *me*. haha.... we got into a fierce conversation the other day and she said she felt like she was wrestling a greased pig. oops!