How can I stop feeling sad about being a sensor?

[Yama]

[MENTION=23583]yama[/MENTION]
I mean sure, human cognition is very complicated...but I suppose MBTI type theory somehow fits strongly with what I observe about people (my inferior Ti has officially taken over here lol). It doesn't explain everything, but for now it makes sense. The (unhealthy) ESFJ description fit me so well to an unusual extent...
I am curious what is your constant choice in engaging in Fe behavior? What makes you so concerned about how you appear to others and in maintaining social harmony? What happened to you during the years you struggled to make friends? Did it impact your use of Fe in any way?

I don't consciously choose to use the functions I do. They just happen to be the ones that align most with how I naturally am. As for making friends, I've just never been very good at it. I can be a very friendly and charismatic person and I can get along with anyone, but I don't let too many people get close because I find it hard to connect with most people since I have uncommon interests and because I don't like doing things like hanging out with people I don't already know well. So during those years I spent more time on places like typoc and doing generally whatever I felt like doing. I don't even know how consciously concerned I am with things like 'social harmony.' I definitely prefer being in environments that aren't chaotic and riddled with conflict because it makes me feel more at ease. There's no real reason for any of it, it's just how I am. I like to be comfortable, both externally and internally. I don't like conflict, and I like being likable, and it's something that just comes naturally to me.

Since you mentioned unhealthiness, I want to say this: I went through something similar, and I jsut want to warn you now. I see a LOT of people come to this website relying too heavily on type descriptions, using them as an identity crutch, but that's not what typology is for. Typology is supposed to be used as a tool for self improvement, not as something we rely on to tell us who we are. Because pretty much no one ever is 100% a type description. MBTI types are archetypes, people are not.

 

[Forever]

Your ability to do well in school and/or graduate from college doesn't necessarily mean you don't have potential to do something extroadinary. Look at Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc- Steve Jobs was an ENP as far as I know. Bill Gates had to have been an "N" type lol.
With that Ni, your IQ is probably much higher than you're trying to come off...

I was joking in the intention, but was saying the truth in all but IQ. (sensors are the master race)

The more I learned about any field, the more deeply disappointed/cynical I got with human nature. Yet ironically, I didn't dare to take the burden up either.

You can always look at life from a positive/negative perspective. Not saying it's easy, just saying it's definitely possible.


In any field of study, literally anyone can make a difference.

 

[Yama]

Being a type doesn't mean that that's who you are, or that you can't do anything that doesn't align with its stereotypes. I don't like taking care of people, I'm not family oriented, I'm not religious, I'm not conservative, I'm not the type of person to approach strangers and start conversations with them, I did very well in school, I have many unconventional interests, etc. None of this things mean I can't be an ESFJ, nor are ESFJs unable to do any of these things simply because of their type. Types by themselves are limiting without the people behind them.

 

[InfernoToucan]

Being a type doesn't mean that that's who you are, or that you can't do anything that doesn't align with its stereotypes. I don't like taking care of people, I'm not family oriented, I'm not religious, I'm not conservative, I'm not the type of person to approach strangers and start conversations with them, I did very well in school, I have many unconventional interests, etc. None of this things mean I can't be an ESFJ, nor are ESFJs unable to do any of these things simply because of their type. Types by themselves are limiting without the people behind them.

It's not that though. I get that. Hell, I myself fit all those things. It just saddens me that Ne is so much lower in my stack, and the thing that would give me the most happiness and satisfaction in life over anything else is serving other people whether they are strangers or not. Perhaps thats a good thing, but I envy those whose drive is curiosity about the world over all else. They probably had an easier time finding their passions than I did, as I went through so many years being completely attention seeking. Your outlook is extremely healthy and I commend you for that. I hope that one day, I'll get to that level perhaps

 

[notmyapples]

Idolizing other types will only do harm to yourself and others. I've had a couple of sensor friends who wanted to be intuitives. They have tons of strengths, they were amazing people, and they were strong in a lot of ways I was weak. But they put me on insane pedestals and the friendships had to end. Types all struggle in different ways. A lot of my problems would disappear if I was an XSTJ user, but I'm aware that new ones would pop up just the same if I had different functions.

Fascination with tertiary functions are common between all types, a lot of ESFJ's can accidentally type themselves or others as high Ne users because of it. My advice to you is to stop applying your own strengths to Ne strengths. If you measure intelligence by how well a fish can climb a tree, it'll spend it's whole life thinking it's stupid.

 

[Jaguar]

Honestly, who gives a shit? Get out there and just kick some ass. Whatever your passion, live it. Fuck the MBTI.

 

[InfernoToucan]

Idolizing other types will only do harm to yourself and others. I've had a couple of sensor friends who wanted to be intuitives. They have tons of strengths, they were amazing people, and they were strong in a lot of ways I was weak. But they put me on insane pedestals and the friendships had to end. Types all struggle in different ways. A lot of my problems would disappear if I was an XSTJ user, but I'm aware that new ones would pop up just the same if I had different functions.

Fascination with tertiary functions are common between all types, a lot of ESFJ's can accidentally type themselves or others as high Ne users because of it. My advice to you is to stop applying your own strengths to Ne strengths. If you measure intelligence by how well a fish can climb a tree, it'll spend it's whole life thinking it's stupid.

Eh I would agree if I had any of the sensor strengths in the first place. Trust me, be lucky that you're practically a genius. The only good thing about be in a sensor is that we align with the world and most people are like us, but unfortunately I do feel like an alien all the time. Ah well. I suppose a lonely life of mediocrity isn't as bad as I think it is...

 

[notmyapples]

Honestly, who gives a shit? Get out there and just kick some ass. Whatever your passion, live it. Fuck the MBTI.

This. You're the same person you were before you discovered MBTI.

 

[notmyapples]

Trust me, be lucky that you're practically a genius.

This is what I'm talking about. My relationships with those sensors always turned ugly once they decided I was lucky, therefore my problems weren't as important. You need to step back and decide what's important to you. Nobody else is going to have the patience to constantly be reassuring you and stroking your ego. You find your own strengths and reasons to love being a sensor.

 

[laterlazer]

What made you realize you were an ESFJ? How do each of your functions work? I'm not saying its impossible to write as an SFJ...but we will probably never reach the genius of the NFPs in this regard. Sorry to say...
And honestly feeling like that. While others go off and do wondrous things with their intellect, or produce art, my job is to plaster a smile on my face to hide the hurt and bake a cake filled with rainbows. WTF.



Go ahead think im a troll, but im telling the truth. Sensors are fine if they're anything but an ESFJ. Seriously, what's so great about us? That we please others and don't want anything for ourselves? I have to live a life essentially being everyone's mommy?

was trying to read this whole thread and gave up here. you're as great as you believe that you are. the mbti isn't a platform to tell you that THIS is your only role in life and if you don't do this you're a waste of space and you will never succeed at anything else, and if that's what you truly believe i suggest you take a very long break from thinking about the mbti at all and focus on your actual life. i'm an intp, i did terrible at university contrary to the smart genius stereotype and i'm doing a job currently that is mainly physical labour, i might not be enjoying it but that's where my life is at right now and i dont necessarily despise my job. and maybe at some point i've thought 'dude i should be doing so much more blah blah blah' but the only thing that's limited me is myself and everyone has a different role, interest or disposition completely independent to your mbti type. i seriously disagree with your comment about sfj's writings, an sfj will write differently to an nfp and will probably appeal to a different audience in a different way and an sfj's writing will certainly be genius to someone. you're up in your feelings because you haven't accomplished things you want to accomplish and that's fine, just realise that it has nothing to do with your type and all to do with your individual self and how you've approached your life thus far.

 

[reckful]

I absolutely abhor my Fe; it is the cause of 99% of my problems, but nevertheless it is a part of me like oxygen. It's my body's natural response to any situation, and I believe thats what "preference" means.

It sounds to me like you've been led off the rails by too much bad online function-centric analysis.

The idea that being an EFJ means there's this cognitive function that you use to make judgments, buuut that doesn't mean you'll have a positive view of it, is inconsistent with Jung, inconsistent with Myers, inconsistent with the items on the official MBTI, and inconsistent with respectable MBTI sources — not to mention inconsistent with Big Five tests and sources.

You came to TC thinking your were an INFP, and now you're typing yourself ESFJ, but INFP sounds more likely to me.

The official MBTI is really the only MBTI-related test that has a lot of psychometric support behind it. If you've never taken it, here's an online copy. It doesn't score you automatically, but it shows which preference corresponds to each response, so you can calculate your result for each dimension. I'd be curious to see your scores.

And in case you're up for taking it and are interested in some guidance with respect to the proper "frame of mind," here's what the MBTI Manual says:

Some people have trouble finding the correct frame of mind for answering the MBTI. When reporting the results to some people, they say they reported their "work self," "school self," "ideal self," or some other self they now consider atypical. The frame of reference desired in respondents is what has been termed the "shoes-off self." The "shoes-off self" fosters an attitude in which one functions naturally, smoothly, and effortlessly, and in which one is not going "against one's grain." The function of the MBTI is to provide the first step toward understanding one's natural preferences.​

Just in case you're interested — and only if you're interested — in a boatload of type-me-related input from me, you'll find it in a 10-post series that starts here. Those posts include a separate section on each of the four MBTI dimensions, roundups of online profiles for each of the 16 types, and a brief intro to Neuroticism — not to mention a provocative discussion of that perennial puzzler, "can I haz INFx?"

 

[Luminous]

Perhaps thats a good thing, but I envy those whose drive is curiosity about the world over all else. They probably had an easier time finding their passions than I did

Finding their passions? Maybe. Limiting those passions? Limiting them to the extent that they have an easy time choosing just a few to pursue, to give enough time to, to become great masters at? Some of them, sure. Others of them? Noooooooooo. When so many subjects are interesting, it can be extremely difficult to limit oneself.

 

[Luminous]

reckful, wow, what a helpful compilation of information. Thanks for sharing it!

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm too lazy to read all the comments right now, but I'd like to chime in anyway.

Tests are NOTORIOUSLY inaccurate. They are limited by comprehension and self-awareness. They are also completely useless if depression is present.

ESFJs get a bad rep, but then again, so do many of the types. Type descriptions fucking suck. They're shallow and stereotypical.

Your type doesn't define you. Sometimes we seek finding our type because we haven't found ourselves. Or perhaps we've temporarily lost ourselves. I've been there. For like... a year now. But there is a way out and when you find it, you'll immediately appreciate yourself for what you are and what you want to become. It really is in your hands.

 

[Agent Washington]

[MENTION=19719]Forever[/MENTION] I know you mean well...but really, I am actually doomed as an ESFJ. I desire the thing I can never have: strong relationships. I've chased after this my entire life only to no avail. ESFJ's are known for their ability to cultivate fulfilling relationships, and that gives them happiness. Meanwhile, I just end up with some pretty abusive folks in my life. I thought I would be happier getting some hobbies, but then I keep getting reminded I'm not really good enough for any of those things... I'm sorry, but what strengths? The only strength I have is that I can be a huge pushover. I have none of the charismatic abilities of a true Fe-dom, funny enough. I'm this weirdly made sad ESFJ/INTP hybrid without any of the strengths of the 4 cognitive factors. It sucks. And sensors are people too dumb to join intuitive land.

Thats... bullshit.
Ok sit down and listen, buddy. Do you think a Te user wouldn't end up with abusive people, or an Intuitive won't? Because that isn't true.
Also, I've met enough dumb intuitives in my life and there are plenty of smart sensors, just as there are many logical Fe/Fi users.
Being smart has to do with using your strengths to the best of your ability. You don't need to be an Intuitive to do that. I type as INTP a LOT but I know I'm not one. Intelligence has nothing to do with how you report what thinking process goes through your mind (which is what mbti does). Its a completely different scale. There are dumb Ni and Ne users out there. And you can work on developing a function. Neuroplasticity is a thing, mbti is outdated. "Steve jobs may have tertiary Ni, but it's still better than yours."- a youtube video that i can't dig up now coz im on mobile
Not to mention, there are also people who are really smart at one thing and dumb at all the others.
Also, not to derail, but consider function loops and grips in your typing. Because what you said sounds unhealthy and depressed.

 

[Agent Washington]

Idolizing other types will only do harm to yourself and others. I've had a couple of sensor friends who wanted to be intuitives. They have tons of strengths, they were amazing people, and they were strong in a lot of ways I was weak. But they put me on insane pedestals and the friendships had to end. Types all struggle in different ways. A lot of my problems would disappear if I was an XSTJ user, but I'm aware that new ones would pop up just the same if I had different functions. Fascination with tertiary functions are common between all types, a lot of ESFJ's can accidentally type themselves or others as high Ne users because of it. My advice to you is to stop applying your own strengths to Ne strengths. If you measure intelligence by how well a fish can climb a tree, it'll spend it's whole life thinking it's stupid.

God, a lot of my problems would disappear if my Ne and Ni are more developed, esp Ni. I dont think theres a perfect type, tho. Grass, greener, other side, etc. Value the individual over the type.
Anyway, good advice.

 

[Agent Washington]

Your ability to do well in school and/or graduate from college doesn't necessarily mean you don't have potential to do something extroadinary. Look at Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc- Steve Jobs was an ENP as far as I know. Bill Gates had to have been an "N" type lol. With that Ni, your IQ is probably much higher than you're trying to come off...

To forevers credit, i think ni is hard to measure as iq, because ni is... hmm... very insightful but cannot necessarily be measured by iq tests.
Two intj friends, dropped out of college. A lot of it due to abuse and unhealthy environment. Brilliant people with brilliant insights. A lot of life depends so much on circumstances. The systems we have are unfair, and it is not a meritocracy insofar as the real meaning of meritocracy goes. Measuring ones worth by external standards (eg iq tests) means one will always fall short, thats the baseline.

Marx and nietsche were ni dom users. One systematically analysed the economics of his time to synthesise incredibly accurate meaning, which, even if it wasnt necessarily predictive cos he was working with hegelian dialectics and economics then is different fr econs now. niets was. Just kinda incoherent, and vaguely nuts.

Forever is more insightful than he gives himself credit for.

 

[notmyapples]

niets was. Just kinda incoherent, and vaguely nuts.

What Ni dom isn't?

But yes, using schooling to measure your own worth is something destined to fail. Society glorifies being unique while simultaneously rewarding those who fall in line. Nobody underneath ever feels fulfilled. You need to find your own meaning and your own definition of intelligence to accept yourself.

 

[Frosty]

Right. Yeah. Typology is about self discovery- and though it can speak to patterns... it is not the end all be all to who you are as a person. You make that decision every day in your words, beliefs, and actions.

Dont let letters define you. Define yourself. You have the power to do that.

 

[JihadiJohn]

Sensors and intuitives don't really exist. Nobody can tell the actual difference cause there's not one, just stereotypes. Intuitives are supposed to talk more about abstract things and sensors more about everyday things that go on in the real world. but the two mesh together in conversation, y'know? The S/N divide doesn't exist. And why is this supposed divide so big? Why is there no I/E divide or P/J divide or T/F divide? Why does it not matter what intuition or sensing you use? Because special snowflake idiots want to feel special for being rare. "Nobody understands me!" It's just a load of horseshit