What type are the ones who loves to set up a plan but never meant to do it?

[kotoshinohaisha]

Like this scenario: there's this one one exciting plan that you and you're friend decided to do. Like you know, the excitement is already there. Until that friend will going to see the bad scenarios and will gonna say that he/she cannot make it.

Much worse is, she'll gonna agree to a setup plan, then when you're about to pay for the trip, she cannot be contacted, then you'll gonna pay for her.. Then after, she'll show up.. Getting upset why did i pay for her because she still not sure. Then she will make it like it's your fault that you pay for her.. And then she'll not gonna pay for the money you spent for her..

Sort of that things. Have you guys experienced the same?

I kinda encounter lots of people like that.. Who just plans then will not even do it. They just like the idea of planning not the doing.

 

[five sounds]

INTX is my first inclination. Idk why. Just like introverted anxiety and general antisocial tendencies. Maybe ISTP as well, I feel like and ISTJ would feel too much sense of obligation, but an ISTP you might have to catch in the right mood. Also EXXPs because of their generally flighty and elusive nature, but I feel like they'd be more communicative about it and less likely to straight up ghost.

Also depending on your age, I feel like most the people I know who do this are young, especially young men. So it could just be a maturity thing.

 

[Poki]

INTX is my first inclination. Idk why. Just like introverted anxiety and general antisocial tendencies. Maybe ISTP as well, I feel like and ISTJ would feel too much sense of obligation, but an ISTP you might have to catch in the right mood. Also EXXPs because of their generally flighty and elusive nature, but I feel like they'd be more communicative about it and less likely to straight up ghost.

Also depending on your age, I feel like most the people I know who do this are young, especially young men. So it could just be a maturity thing.

I won't flake, no matter how much anxiety, etc. I end up with. It's my issues and I don't want to impose on others. I have slight social anxiety issues. I am not one to let that control me though. I am fully aware of why I have anxiety issues, never been able to fully over come them. Have worked on it though, it revolves around a shyness at first and pressure to be "instantly social" that people put on others.

 

[Jaguar]

I think you're too trusting and make assumptions that actually require a firm answer to the question "Look, are you in or are you out?" before moving forward. But then that's how I talk and it's probably not your style. At least try and be firm with these people so you don't get stuck holding the bag and paying out money for nothing.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

How often does the flakiness of her behavior result in other people paying for her? It could be personality flakiness, but it could also be a really great scam she's learned. If it's complete flakiness, then it would probably not be a judging dominant, but if it is an effective strategy, then it could be. Environment can also teach people those behaviors, so it could be overlaid on any type. For some reason I would say that a Te-dom would be the least likely of the judging functions to do this, even as a scam.

 

[ceecee]

How often does the flakiness of her behavior result in other people paying for her? It could be personality flakiness, but it could also be a really great scam she's learned. If it's complete flakiness, then it would probably not be a judging dominant, but if it is an effective strategy, then it could be. Environment can also teach people those behaviors, so it could be overlaid on any type. For some reason I would say that a Te-dom would be the least likely of the judging functions to do this, even as a scam.

Not only do I agree, I've actually seen this before. The word that kept getting thrown around at the time, was that this person was "flexible". But flaky and flexible are not the same and shouldn't be used interchangeably. This person was probably an ESFP and ended up doing some time in jail for fraud much later. But I can see INTJ's and INTP's also flaking on plans they made themselves, less about the money/scam aspect.

 

[OrangeAppled]

These people annoy me... I am not a big planner, because it takes too much energy, and I am comfortable with improvisation; so when I DO plan, then I am going to actually do it so that my energy used to plan is not wasted. I don't want to waste other people's time and energy either.

I also hate talking about doing stuff and not doing it. Hypothetical talk for me is about theories and concepts, not future plans. Future plans are for DOING. Death is more imminent than you realize.

I hate "someday let's go do XYZ" - why someday? Why not today or Saturday or next week?

Worse are the people who plan a lot and then flake every time. I hate this because I don't like to commit, but when I do, then I take it seriously. When something gets cancelled, then my anticipation just deflated, and I am mad because I had blocked that time off and could have done something else with it.

I also hate when people make plans and it's not 100% set in stone, and then they don't confirm it with you close to the event, and you're wondering if it's still on.... and maybe you turned down another invitation....and then finally the person bails on you last minute. Arrrrgh!

I have my own way of being flaky, but this is not it. I run late, I forget objects, I lose things, I don't organize myself well in a physical way or create a lot of stability in life - but if I say I will be there, then I will be there (albeit 15 min late).

I will say that I personally have not connected this to any one type. I have experienced it most with people who have health issues, making it hard to really hold it against them. There are times I have felt that these people use their health issues as an excuse though :X .

 

[anticlimatic]

INTJ

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

I think you're too trusting and make assumptions that actually require a firm answer to the question "Look, are you in or are you out?" before moving forward. But then that's how I talk and it's probably not your style. At least try and be firm with these people so you don't get stuck holding the bag and paying out money for nothing.

Wait, actually she's my close friend.. Close old friend so anxiety has nothing to do with this.. And besides she's always there as we plan. We got this group msg.. We plan on where to go.. And she's like, oh that's fun! Etc etc.. And well she's definitely like to be part of it without even signs of backing up. Well, yes it's my fault.. Because she's always like that.. She never go with us, i don't know what's wrong with him. Always chooses his boyfriend over us. Wtf..

 

[Yama]

Ne

That doesn't just mean dom Ne

I love coming up with new projects and the energy from planning and organizing and then I start them and never finish anything kek

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

How often does the flakiness of her behavior result in other people paying for her? It could be personality flakiness, but it could also be a really great scam she's learned. If it's complete flakiness, then it would probably not be a judging dominant, but if it is an effective strategy, then it could be. Environment can also teach people those behaviors, so it could be overlaid on any type. For some reason I would say that a Te-dom would be the least likely of the judging functions to do this, even as a scam.

Yes. She's been like then when we're younger. Like damn.. I thought she'll change because we're adults already.. But she's still the same. Pathetic. Lol haha. Sorry i just remembered it again. [emoji14] well the money was nothing for me.. Because it's not very big, what hate me most is her fucking commitment. Well she should just say it on the first place.. Wtf. It's her personality. Actually. It sucks. Very selfish. Very very selfish

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

These people annoy me... I am not a big planner, because it takes too much energy, and I am comfortable with improvisation; so when I DO plan, then I am going to actually do it so that my energy used to plan is not wasted. I don't want to waste other people's time and energy either.

I also hate talking about doing stuff and not doing it. Hypothetical talk for me is about theories and concepts, not future plans. Future plans are for DOING. Death is more imminent than you realize.

I hate "someday let's go do XYZ" - why someday? Why not today or Saturday or next week?

Worse are the people who plan a lot and then flake every time. I hate this because I don't like to commit, but when I do, then I take it seriously. When something gets cancelled, then my anticipation just deflated, and I am mad because I had blocked that time off and could have done something else with it.

I also hate when people make plans and it's not 100% set in stone, and then they don't confirm it with you close to the event, and you're wondering if it's still on.... and maybe you turned down another invitation....and then finally the person bails on you last minute. Arrrrgh!

I have my own way of being flaky, but this is not it. I run late, I forget objects, I lose things, I don't organize myself well in a physical way or create a lot of stability in life - but if I say I will be there, then I will be there (albeit 15 min late).

I will say that I personally have not connected this to any one type. I have experienced it most with people who have health issues, making it hard to really hold it against them. There are times I have felt that these people use their health issues as an excuse though :X .

Omg!! You're like me.. I think the same way.. I'm probably really an infp
XD okay. Forget about the mbti stereotype.. Yeah. People just suck. I hate those kind of people like really. They make my fucking head ache.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Yes. She's been like then when we're younger. Like damn.. I thought she'll change because we're adults already.. But she's still the same. Pathetic. Lol haha. Sorry i just remembered it again. [emoji14] well the money was nothing for me.. Because it's not very big, what hate me most is her fucking commitment. Well she should just say it on the first place.. Wtf. It's her personality. Actually. It sucks. Very selfish. Very very selfish

Lesson learned: Don't pay for her in future, just extend the invite. If she isn't "in" at the time plans come? Oh well, snooze/lose.

I was her when very young. People would get upset at me, thinking I committed. When, to me, I did no such thing. You can call it selfish. I value my time and I'm not going to commit out of obligation.

The flipside is these planner types can be domineering and steamroll the discussion to assume you said you committed when you just expressed interest. They forget planning is more than them directing who and what go where. They actually have to get an affirmative and many do not and a "maybe" is NOT an affirmative.

Anyway, took me a while to understand their POV. I get it. Now, I tell people I don't make plans ahead of time to avoid any misconceptions. Call me day of the happening. This pisses them off too, but it's honest.

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

Lesson learned: Don't pay for her in future, just extend the invite. If she isn't "in" at the time plans come? Oh well, snooze/lose.

I was her when very young. People would get upset at me, thinking I committed. When, to me, I did no such thing. You can call it selfish. I value my time and I'm not going to commit out of obligation.

The flipside is these planner types can be domineering and steamroll the discussion to assume you said you committed when you just expressed interest. They forget planning is more than them directing who and what go where. They actually have to get an affirmative and many do not and a "maybe" is NOT an affirmative.

Anyway, took me a while to understand their POV. I get it. Now, I tell people I don't make plans ahead of time to avoid any misconceptions. Call me day of the happening. This pisses them off too, but it's honest.

Okay. I understand. Shall i cry now? [emoji24]

 

[geedoenfj]

Okay. I understand. Shall i cry now? [emoji24]

Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it

Or just ignore what I just said, you know what? Just ignore it

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it

Or just ignore what I just said, you know what? Just ignore it

Hahaha. I'm okay now. I'm at work earlier..thats why im depressed xD

 

[Agent Washington]

No, that's just manipulative behaviour.

If she pays you back, then that's okay. If you're rich, that's OK too I GUESS???? But really though.

...Also def not ISTJ. We're way too serious about it. I personally don't bother planning unless I know confirmed it's going to go through, coz I hate when plans don't work out. I leave the planning to the INTJs because they've got a better grasp of what could potentially happen and therefore seem to have less stress about it.

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

No, that's just manipulative behaviour.

If she pays you back, then that's okay. If you're rich, that's OK too I GUESS???? But really though.

...Also def not ISTJ. We're way too serious about it. I personally don't bother planning unless I know confirmed it's going to go through, coz I hate when plans don't work out. I leave the planning to the INTJs because they've got a better grasp of what could potentially happen and therefore seem to have less stress about it.

I see. 😘

 

[Poki]

Wait, actually she's my close friend.. Close old friend so anxiety has nothing to do with this.. And besides she's always there as we plan. We got this group msg.. We plan on where to go.. And she's like, oh that's fun! Etc etc.. And well she's definitely like to be part of it without even signs of backing up. Well, yes it's my fault.. Because she's always like that.. She never go with us, i don't know what's wrong with him. Always chooses his boyfriend over us. Wtf..

Ahhhh...boyfriend. learning experience for her. That brings in personality dynamics beyond just a single type.

 

[Betty Blue]

Hi


Edit: Let me explain. I love to make plans, i like making commitments less. Plans are different to commitments imo. I can't stand being made to feel obliged though. Clear up with her if she can commit to things before firming things up. Also ENFP's generally like a little time to think things through. We 'can' work on the fly but plans can go all sorts of wrong. Oh also, is she afraid you will be alone together? maybe thats it.