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  1. #1
    Junior Member redink's Avatar
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    Exclamation ENTJ or ENFJ?? is crying okay?

    I identify with ENTJ. I love to debate, inefficiency drives me crazy, I have a strong moral code that I force myself to uphold, I usually expect those around me to believe like I do, and when they dont I tend to argue. I am strong willed and I enjoy a challenge, even though it drives me crazy sometimes. I dont mind criticism, and I actually respect it when a person tells me something to my face about how am I or what I've done, as long as there is a solid basis for it. (even though I grind my teeth and stare them down while they do) The only people who can hurt me are the people I am closest too and who I respect tremendously, and there aren't a lot of them.

    Here is where the confusion for me comes in. I cry. Almost everything I have read on ENTJs say they dont cry. Well I do when someone I really care about hurts me or disappoints me. Mostly when they disappoint me in their behavior towards me. I feel like I sometimes do it because I want to show them they have hurt me, kind of like to make them think what kind of a horrible thing they did, because I feel like if I dont cry they think what they've done is acceptable. Which sounds so stupid, but it works for me. I guess I've learned that crying is the only way to show people that you are hurt and I automatically do it now when I am hurt, even though I hate it and I dont want to cry. Its not like full blown weeping, just a tear or two and just lots of anger and yelling mostly. They aren't sad tears, but angry tears. (and it only happens when I argue with someone I care about, which is like a few times through the year)

    And another thing I've read says that ENTJ's dont care for the emotions of others, and I feel that I do when its someone I care about. I am never cold to them because I dont want to hurt them. And even to outsiders, like people in the workplace or strangers on the street, even though I dont give a crap about their weekend or what their kids were doing last night or how wonderful their meal was, I still smile and pretend I care. I feel like I do that because I dont want to hurt people or push them away from me if they ever need me. Even though when it does happen, and I know people dislike me or even talk shit about me, I dont care and even feel "happy" having enemies... I will though, go up to that person and demand to know what their problem is with me.

    When I do think that people need me or my help, I do not act like nurturing, kind mother hen who coddles and soothes. I am very straight up and to the point when I see someone is going through a tough time or needs help. My friends or sisters would come crying to me or depressed about something and I would have that whole "wake up and take a good hard look at your life" vibe, telling them both the positives and the negatives and make sure they realize who they are and what they are capable of. It works, and even though I sound like an ass, I am very caring about the people who come to me for help or advice. Which I think sounds too much like an ENFJ.

    Anyway, I am writing this at work so excuse me if the flow of this post is all wrong. If you have any questions or opinions, please let me know! Which MBTI type do I sound more like to you?
    Last edited by redink; 12-29-2016 at 10:44 AM.

  2. #2
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redink View Post
    I identify with ENTJ. I love to debate, inefficiency drives me crazy, I have a strong moral code that I force myself to uphold, I usually expect those around me to believe like I do, and when they dont I tend to argue. I am strong willed and I enjoy a challenge, even though it drives me crazy sometimes. I dont mind criticism, and I actually respect it when a person tells me something to my face about how am I or what I've done, as long as there is a solid basis for it. (even though I grind my teeth and stare them down while they do) The only people who can hurt me are the people I am closest too and who I respect tremendously, and there aren't a lot of them.

    Here is where the confusion for me comes in. I cry. Almost everything I have read on ENTJs say they dont cry. Well I do when someone I really care about hurts me or disappoints me. Mostly when they disappoint me in their behavior towards me. I feel like I sometimes do it because I want to show them they have hurt me, kind of like to make them think what kind of a horrible thing they did, because I feel like if I dont cry they think what they've done is acceptable. Which sounds so stupid, but it works for me. I guess I've learned that crying is the only way to show people that you are hurt and I automatically do it now when I am hurt, even though I hate it and I dont want to cry. Its not like full blown weeping, just a tear or two and just lots of anger and yelling mostly. They aren't sad tears, but angry tears. (and it only happens when I argue with someone I care about, which is like a few times through the year)

    And another thing I've read says that ENTJ's dont care for the emotions of others, and I feel that I do when its someone I care about. I am never cold to them because I dont want to hurt them. And even to outsiders, like people in the workplace or strangers on the street, even though I dont give a crap about their weekend or what their kids were doing last night or how wonderful their meal was, I still smile and pretend I care. I feel like I do that because I dont want to hurt people or push them away from me if they ever need me. Even though when it does happen, and I know people dislike me or even talk shit about me, I dont care and even feel "happy" having enemies... I will though, go up to that person and demand to know what their problem is with me.

    When I do think that people need me or my help, I do not act like nurturing, kind mother hen who coddles and soothes. I am very straight up and to the point when I see someone is going through a tough time or needs help. My friends or sisters would come crying to me or depressed about something and I would have that whole "wake up and take a good hard look at your life" vibe, telling them both the positives and the negatives and make sure they realize who they are and what they are capable of. It works, and even though I sound like an ass, I am very caring about the people who come to me for help or advice. Which I think sounds too much like an ENFJ.

    Anyway, I am writing this at work so excuse me if the flow of this post is all wrong. If you have any questions or opinions, please let me know! Which MBTI type do I sound more like to you?

    In short:

    This can pass as female ENTJ anyday.
    However the answers you are looking for are in Enneagram sphere.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    to answer the title crying is always ok, though some people don't.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so
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  4. #4
    Musician Forever's Avatar
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    You definitely identify with enneagram 8.
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  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ENTJs tend to be amazing people who have a very vulnerably, childlike essence within. They may not show it to others in public, because it's buried under layers of defensive armor, but crying and being touched by others is *not* uncommon for them. And they can be surprisingly vulnerable when you get to know them.

    It's just that they mostly don't focus on the 'feelings realm' of things, so they'll be busy organising, structuring and building the world, according to their vision - too busy, to truly shape or fine tune or hone the raw emotion within them. Which, is still there. They can very much be protectors and champions of the vulnerable, especially when they relate to that person, and they tend to stop in their tracks when they see someone harmless, vulnerable and in need of help. They often seem to respect and appreciate that kind of pure beauty and would hate to see it killed by the cruel world we live in. Similarly, they can be oblivious in stomping on others, causing inadvertent harm, because they're too busy focusing on their vision and making it happen, and because they often don't realise not everyone is wearing the kind of armor that can withstand their kind of steam rolling

    Meanwhile ENFJs will usually be very much occupied with other people, and shaping and fine-tuning the emotional ambiance between others and themselves, in order to smoothen it out and create group cohesion, because they are so acutely in tune with the emotional state of everyone else and the disharmony wreaks havoc on their own emotional state. They tend to be sensitive about having the harmony they worked so hard on destroyed, and care about other's wellbeing for the same reasons.

    So, which one is more you?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”
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  6. #6
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redink View Post
    Almost everything I have read on ENTJs say they dont cry.
    This is accurate.

    Typically you’re allowed one offense before your ENTJ membership is suspended. Duration of the suspension will depend on circumstances of the cry, prior emotive history and the overall quality of your ENTJ contributions. This is all sorted out during the pre- cry suspension review process with the membership board.

    After the second crying-related offense, it’s pretty much a given that you’ll be asked to step down. I’ve heard of some incredibly rare instances where someone might be granted a second suspension, but it’s not something I’d hold my breath for.

    Second offenders are usually processed out as the Preferred Feeler Alternative Type (PFAT) they designated on their initial intake form. If you’re successful in the PFAT matching process, you’ll be able to continue on as a member of that type with full rights and expressive privileges.

    All ENTJs who fail to match will be reassigned as ENTPs.

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    LOL.


    Oh man, it's been a while since we had a good 'NT-card' earning joke around here
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”
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  8. #8
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Up Rex View Post
    All ENTJs who fail to match will be reassigned as ENTPs.

    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
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  9. #9
    Junior Member redink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    ENTJs tend to be amazing people who have a very vulnerably, childlike essence within. They may not show it to others in public, because it's buried under layers of defensive armor, but crying and being touched by others is *not* uncommon for them. And they can be surprisingly vulnerable when you get to know them.

    It's just that they mostly don't focus on the 'feelings realm' of things, so they'll be busy organising, structuring and building the world, according to their vision - too busy, to truly shape or fine tune or hone the raw emotion within them. Which, is still there. They can very much be protectors and champions of the vulnerable, especially when they relate to that person, and they tend to stop in their tracks when they see someone harmless, vulnerable and in need of help. They often seem to respect and appreciate that kind of pure beauty and would hate to see it killed by the cruel world we live in. Similarly, they can be oblivious in stomping on others, causing inadvertent harm, because they're too busy focusing on their vision and making it happen, and because they often don't realise not everyone is wearing the kind of armor that can withstand their kind of steam rolling

    Meanwhile ENFJs will usually be very much occupied with other people, and shaping and fine-tuning the emotional ambiance between others and themselves, in order to smoothen it out and create group cohesion, because they are so acutely in tune with the emotional state of everyone else and the disharmony wreaks havoc on their own emotional state. They tend to be sensitive about having the harmony they worked so hard on destroyed, and care about other's wellbeing for the same reasons.

    So, which one is more you?
    Well I do have a somewhat sensitive side but like you mentioned its definitely not public. The only time I show it is when I feel like I need to seem a little more humane to people. And I feel like when you talk about "organizing, structuring and building the world" you are talking about business terms. How would this correspond to just normal day to day life? I don't necessarily have a "vision" or "dream" that I work towards at the moment, well maybe I do, but its not a materialistic thing, like a business or a degree (even though I want my own business and I am working towards my degree at the moment.) Its more like improving on the type of person I am and being successful human being.. if that makes sense. While I do care about others, like I said earlier, there are mostly only a few and I pour almost everything I have into them. Im not concerned with helping a large amount of people unless they want my help. I dont go around seeking a hand to hold and lead. If they ask, I will give, but Im not going to push myself and my ideals onto them. I dont mind when people argue, and I think disharmony is healthy sometimes because it shows a persons true feelings and motives. And I can definitely relate to the vulnerable because I used to be like that and I naturally want to help them when I sense that they are in need, like you said. I want to help them get their own armor to put on so they can learn how to fight back when people attack them, just like I did.
    Honestly, based on what you wrote Im actually starting to believe that I am more of an ENTJ type.
    inspired by the fear of being average

  10. #10
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redink View Post
    Well I do have a somewhat sensitive side but like you mentioned its definitely not public. The only time I show it is when I feel like I need to seem a little more humane to people. And I feel like when you talk about "organizing, structuring and building the world" you are talking about business terms. How would this correspond to just normal day to day life? I don't necessarily have a "vision" or "dream" that I work towards at the moment, well maybe I do, but its not a materialistic thing, like a business or a degree (even though I want my own business and I am working towards my degree at the moment.) Its more like improving on the type of person I am and being successful human being.. if that makes sense. While I do care about others, like I said earlier, there are mostly only a few and I pour almost everything I have into them. Im not concerned with helping a large amount of people unless they want my help. I dont go around seeking a hand to hold and lead. If they ask, I will give, but Im not going to push myself and my ideals onto them. I dont mind when people argue, and I think disharmony is healthy sometimes because it shows a persons true feelings and motives. And I can definitely relate to the vulnerable because I used to be like that and I naturally want to help them when I sense that they are in need, like you said. I want to help them get their own armor to put on so they can learn how to fight back when people attack them, just like I did.
    Honestly, based on what you wrote Im actually starting to believe that I am more of an ENTJ type.
    I think you are

    Most ENTJs I know don't know how *not* to do something, so they'll always find some way to organise, structure or re-do something out there in the world. And they usually have a pretty good idea of how they want it to look, though not nearly as elaborate and detailed as an INxJ would

    For me, personally, ENTJs often come off like Rottweiler puppies with really big paws. They're adorable, they're protective of their family, they're just a tad clumsy in the feeling department with their big paws, and they just want to be loved by their family, but their jaw power is formidable and they pack a punch
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”
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