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  1. #51
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    That was exactly it. I didn't SAY anything about how I was feeling and tried to be encouraging, and I knew that it had nothing to do with making sense; but it was very very hard because emotionally I was just getting more and more frustrated.

    He was coming at it from, "It hurts, so I won't do it!" (emotional) And for me it was, "It has to be done, the alternatives are even worse and MORE painful... so the pain has to be accepted." (thinking)

    (As a counterpoint, my INTP son would have done fine and acted much as I would have; and my INFJ daughter would have just "sucked it up" even if she would have been upset. But the histrionics thing and refusal to face what needs to be done...? Well, I can't take it very long.)

    What happened was that one of us had to go home to get the other kids off the bus, so I was designated for that task.... it was one I could handle.
    I usually get sent off on those errands because I'm crying harder than the kid and am totally worthless. Worse than worthless. I make it worse. I would sometimes cry when my babies got shots.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #52
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I usually get sent off on those errands because I'm crying harder than the kid and am totally worthless. Worse than worthless. I make it worse. I would sometimes cry when my babies got shots.
    Odd. I always found that calming. If I've got someone else getting all over emotional about a situation that I'm sharing then I feel less pressure to FEEL.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  3. #53
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Odd. I always found that calming. If I've got someone else getting all over emotional about a situation that I'm sharing then I feel less pressure to FEEL.
    Ugh... I usually end up over-empathizing and "pick up the other person's vibes" (throwing me out of whack) and I feel guilty that I cannot provide the level of emotional reassurance someone needs.

    Then I get upset that I'm upset, since I should be okay...

    The sheer motherhood factor (carrying the child for nine months, then spending much of your waking day with them for months/years) does create a bond that someone who hasn't done it can't quite understand, though....
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #54
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Odd. I always found that calming. If I've got someone else getting all over emotional about a situation that I'm sharing then I feel less pressure to FEEL.
    Yes, absolutely, I've always been calm in crises, and it seems the more hysterical others are getting, the icier and calmer I get. Like when my daughter got hit by a car last year, there I sat, holding her at the side of the road, while everyone was crying and going crazy and she was screaming fit to burst, and I just zoned out of it all and calmly waited for the ambulance, quietly comforting her and trying to find the most comfortable/least damaging position for her to wait in. Then I was later accused of not caring about my own daughter because I "had no emotional response" to her almost being killed. Oy.

    EDIT - in fact, I might've said at the time that it was exactly my apparent lack of emotional response (or rather, CONTROL of my emotional response) that was the telling factor that showed that I DO care, as I set my own needs and emotions aside to take care of her and help calm her down, while the 'empathic' people were indulging their own needs by running around screaming and making things worse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    You see similarly when a person is being emotional around an F they can tend to empathise and get caught up in it, a T will get caught up in a persons thinking. It gets difficult when someone is explaining something like a problem to NOT get involved and try and sort out a solution for/ with them. Similar to if someone goes through a trial/ tragedy it's difficult for an F not to feel upset when the other is in tears.

    Imagine this... a person is confused and is "venting". Your a T. Their thinking is now invading your brain. You are now partially confused as a person with empathy would be upset. Now you want to remove this confusion almost as much as the original person does. So you feel compelled to try to solve this problem.
    This is poetry mate. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like that, but I've never seen it put so well.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #55
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    So I cornered my poor INTP and he tells me that it isn't really that hard to refrain from attempting to solve the problems I rant about because most of the things I rant about he would have no idea how to solve. He says if I was ranting about the Finder on my Mac it would be a different story.

    So essentially, he's really good at telling me what I want to hear, which works well for both of us.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #56
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    So essentially, he's really good at telling me what I want to hear, which works well for both of us.
    It's like the Marriage Made in Heaven! tm
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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