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  1. #21
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    Xander I'm sorry to say that you're technique SUCKS! There's no way that could possibly work as there is too much room for error. Too much room for the enfp to look for the ulterior motive. Evidentially that is exactly how my husband tries to deal with me and um it's not working.....
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

  2. #22
    Junior Member mooshenh's Avatar
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    My son is ENFP. He's highly intelligent, and loves hearing the truth. As an intuitive he values it and we have fun with it.

    In those times when he is emotional and frustration takes a hold, the best I can do is to empathize with him. As long as his feelings are validated this seems to be the best solution at the time. This keeps his attitude toward me positive. Later when his mood is bright, I can slip in some common sense and preach a little about his lack of S. We've made progress this way.

    I would think looking down on his feelings and trying to fix his problems would piss him off. He has a keen eye that way.

  3. #23
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    The advice admittedly was phrased for me to understand and I'm not exactly the best person at addressing multiple people each with their own frame of reference. As such either you can look for why I think it's any good or rip it a new one.
    ------------------
    Jennifer, your points are similar to mine in essence. Esp 1&2.
    ------------------
    Dom, the reason I suddenly rethought about this all was the conversation I just had with you over texts, PMs and the phone. You didn't seem upset. The difference probably being that I posted here about the system. The system is merely my method, you were the subject and your well-being the focus. I believe that when we argue I'm usually defending/ bludgeoning with a thing without maintaining focus on the goal which is half the time making you happy.
    ------------------
    IOW I take the criticism on board but I see no particular flaw being pointed at which cannot be quite adequately set at the feet of me being relatively without practise at "selling" ideas to groups of people.
    ------------------
    Oh and Targo, the whole suspicion thing I've found has more to do with the how than the what of the address. How I'm putting it up here, in black and white, only makes it feel even more difficult to include the appropriate level of detail which would show that this is a system of guidelines which should be applied in complete context to the person/ subject. Totally lose/ change one if that particular person appears to warrant it.

    I'm no rules lawyer. These are context sensitive guidelines. Kinda Charcoal lines on a dark grey background Seen in the right light their obvious but looked at head on their damn near invisible.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  4. #24
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Oh and ref me and Dom. We engage in tag ass kicking regularly. Very helpful. Kinda like a group hug but with weapons.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  5. #25
    Junior Member mooshenh's Avatar
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    I suppose empathy isn't even necessary. In the heat of the moment, simply acknowledging their feelings and leaving it at that will do wonders.

  6. #26
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mooshenh View Post
    I suppose empathy isn't even necessary. In the heat of the moment, simply acknowledging their feelings and leaving it at that will do wonders.
    True empathy can be quashed with "how can you possibly know how I'm feeling" or some such. In fact often I find that simply recognising the emotion is better than trying to reach some kind of understanding because of this.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  7. #27
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    I find this type most difficult to deal with. They seem to have as many strands of thinking/ feeling going on as I do but with an orchestra of values and supposed tos attached to it all. I feel like I'm tweaking the strands of a spiders web when I speak to them and try to be of help or be friendly. Honestly I tend to end up treating them like paranoid little buggers even though I know they are about the nicest people on the planet!

    Anyhow I had a discussion with my father one day on how to deal with an ENFP with a problem. I'll try to relay.

    #1 What?
    #2 So what?
    #3 What now?


    #1 - Establish what is wrong.
    #2 - Establish why this is a problem.
    #3 - Ask them what they intend to do about it.

    Apparently though if the circle does not work and all suggested solutions (step #3) are batted away then there is a step #3a which goes something like "well shut up about it then", based on the theory that on rare occasions an ENFP will rant and rave to vent but will end up taking everyone else with them into this emotional turmoil. Only ever done unwittingly (in my personal experience) it is still destructive.

    Note :-
    I realise that any ENFP reading this is liable never to talk to me again but I hope it's helpful none the less. Comments welcome.
    The ENFP does not have a problem.

    The male ISTJ in her bank has got the problem.

    1 What is wrong? Her bank is what is wrong.

    2 Why is it a problem?
    It is a problem because the male ISTJ sits in the bank.

    3 I do not see he intends to do a thing.

  8. #28
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    The ENFP does not have a problem.

    The male ISTJ in her bank has got the problem.

    1 What is wrong? Her bank is what is wrong.

    2 Why is it a problem?
    It is a problem because the male ISTJ sits in the bank.

    3 I do not see he intends to do a thing.
    Okay who laced the pussy cats milk with hallucinogenics?
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  9. #29
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Okay who laced the pussy cats milk with hallucinogenics?
    Where did the ISTJ come from?

    And why are we in a bank?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #30
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    I do not know who laced the milk. How did the ISTJ make his appearance? Why are we in a bank?

    If I remember correctly Xander said she has a problem. The ENFP.

    The ISTJs work mostly in the army and the police but they have not much headway there becouse the more aggressive ESTJs override them.

    In the bank the ESTJs are not found that often. Therefore the ISTJs are the ones who make the decisions in the bank.

    They should take the credit card away from the clients who exceed their accounts every month. The EFPs.

    But they are dazzled by the latter. They believe what they hear. They want to believe.
    They run into a difficulty in the bank. They have a family.
    It is not easy to find a decent job these days.

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